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Can I go to church if I'm not religious?

128 replies

Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:06

I'm a single mum to 2 dc in primary school. I have no friends, no family, and zero support network around me. Ex dp will take the kids 4 nights a month max.

I'm so fucking lonely it hurts. I really miss adult conversation and days out. If my car breaks, tap starts leaking, or something goes wrong there is no one to ask for advice. I don't want a romantic relationship but desperately want to belong to a community. I wfh so no chance to meet adults there. Would it be terrible to get involved with the local church even though I'm an atheist? There's a lovely village church about 5 miles from me, and I always feel so jealous driving past and watching all the happy families spilling out after a service. I don't really know what else I could do that I could bring the dc along with me.

OP posts:
milveycrohn · 04/10/2021 16:00

I do not believe, but have gone through phases where I have gone to church, having been brought up to attend church, etc.
Personally, I never and have never taken communion (bread and wine), and no one is bothered by it.
I have sometimes attended a Catholic Church (my DDIL is Catholic), and i understand you are not supposed to take communion if not Catholic, but again, I never do.
I have been involved in the church community in the past, and frankly, the social aspect and general support from the church is something to be welcomed.
They often have a corner for children, or children will have their own 'Sunday School', or similar depending on numbers and ages.

Carrierpigeon · 04/10/2021 16:00

Echoing everybody else to say please go! Let us know how you get on.

EmergencyPoncho · 04/10/2021 16:21

Definitely go! As well as a WI, there's a Ladies Circle where I live, may be one near you?

Interested in this thread?

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EmergencyPoncho · 04/10/2021 16:24

I've skim read the thread but can I suggest getting a dog as an excellent conversation starter? It's just easy to start talking to other dog owners, and you see the same people over and over and so it seems natural to start talking to them.

MarthaJonesPhone · 04/10/2021 16:33

Definitely go. I was in the same position as you and felt a fraud going. Made some lovely friends and they were a great support. It made a huge difference to me when I was feeling lonely. Best of luck!

talkalarm · 04/10/2021 16:38

One of my closest friends went to church for years (6 years plus) while being very open about the fact that she didn't believe in god on any level. They were very welcoming of her and her questions. She's a Christian now, but they accepted and loved her even when she wasn't.
My mum goes to a different church and they know her faith wavers.
Definitely go.

Elephant75 · 04/10/2021 16:44

Awww OP. You sound so lovely.

Give it a go and let us know how you get on. You never know what will happen and who you might meet …..

QueenofLouisiana · 04/10/2021 16:48

My DS loved Messy Church, even though he was certain that he didn’t believe in God- he still doesn’t, I do we respect each other’s views.

I hope it goes well.

soberfabulous · 04/10/2021 16:52

Can I just say what a beautiful and heart warming thread this is! OP please do update us when you've been.

MrsSchadenfreude · 04/10/2021 17:04

My Gran wasn’t religious, but when my Grandpa died, the church where they held the funeral kept in touch with her and invited her to their lunch club. She made friends there, and one invited her to the Baptist church lunch club and bingo at a local residential home. She ended up having a better social life than me.

The church where I grew up is very welcoming, particularly to newcomers and visitors.

MissConductUS · 04/10/2021 17:23

Just one thought about attending church as an atheist. Jesus was a teacher who had a lot of valuable things to say about love, charity, and how we should treat each other. Exploring what he taught can have value to people regardless of their belief in a supreme being.

SusieSusieSoo · 04/10/2021 18:14

Church = lovely community and they will welcome you I'm sure. Stay after the service for coffee if it's an option too

Autumngoldleaf · 04/10/2021 18:22

Op at one point in life I had to mix with vicars, you would be amazed at how many don't actually believe in God.

CommanderBurnham · 04/10/2021 19:53

I went to church last Sunday and I'm not even Christian.

Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 20:26

Great tips on church etiquette! I'll definitely come back and update once we've been.

@Satci I'm in Devon!

OP posts:
justjuggling · 04/10/2021 21:01

I went to a CofE school and have attended church sporadically through my life. However, when my husband left me and I became a single parent, I went regularly for a while. Attending church gave me a sense of peace that I can’t explain. I valued the tranquility and space to reflect and at a really difficult point in my life when I felt isolated, ashamed and a failure, no-one there judged me. In fact, they welcomed me and my children and I felt safe there.

My life has settled now, and I attend less, probably every 4-6 weeks and always go at key points in the year.

Please go! I hope you find solace and friendship like I did.

LadyLolaRuben · 05/10/2021 20:33

I lovely thread especially with so much uncertainty and upheaval in the world. Keep us all posted on how you get on OP

EducatingArti · 10/10/2021 14:58

Hi there. I wondered how you had got on today?

TheChosenTwo · 10/10/2021 15:16

I would say of course you can!
I’m not religious (but work in a faith school) and there are lots of parents we have signposted to our linked church for many reasons, quite often for reasons such as yours.
I don’t go to church other than the required school visits but always feel lovely and calm there (despite being there with 400 children Grin ), it really is a lovely welcoming community. I guess it’s down to each individual church but the whole ethos behind a church is surely welcoming everyone into the fold of the same community.
I hope you went today Flowers

DGRossetti · 10/10/2021 16:02

Isn't that what the C of E was invented for ?

Mybalconyiscracking · 10/10/2021 16:16

Messy Church is fantastic for kids and a lovely place to meet other parents if you can find one.

myheartskippedabeat · 10/10/2021 17:04

@Lonelymum21

So very sorry to read this

I myself was a bit lost a few years back and a work colleague suggested doing an ALPHA course

www.rediscoverchurch.com/alpha

It was a game changer - I met my partner on my course and we have 2 kids
We aren't married and there's no judgement on that these days

I'm now part of a church community snd have a purpose in life and it's like I was looking for the missing jigsaw puzzle 🧩

I'm by no means a nun or perfect and like everything it's work in progress but the church has been an amazing place for me and the family to meet friends and join in activities

I'm sure you'd be very welcome 🙏

It's made me feel better about myself and I do more to give back

Datafan55 · 10/10/2021 17:25

I joined one a few years ago as I (also) was incredibly lonely. I saw a facebook post of theirs and joined an Alpha course (alpha.org/) with them, so had ten weeks of lovely supper, videos and discussion, and got to know those people. I liked everyone and everything so much I then joined the church where it had been held.

In terms of social contact, it’s been a Godsend. I now have friends in the area (I had lived here for a decade prior to that!). I’ve met young and old and lots in my peer group (40s). When I knackered my ankle last year, people brought me bags of shopping round.

Yes church is about faith, and I found it, and it is amazing! However no one is going to quiz you, no one is going to push you to convert, everyone is welcome/welcoming, and ultimately what you believe is up to you.

Something like the Alpha course is religious discussion, services are prayers and songs (catchy anyway if there's a good band), but as people have said, some run ‘less churchy’ things, eg mindfulness courses. I once went to a delicious women’s breakfast at one, one locally has just set up a cafe, and the CofE one down the road normally has a beer festival about this time of year.

Your local one sounds like a great place to start. However there are so many different types and sizes of churches and lots of ways to find them.

I thought you had to christened to attend church - definitely not . You have to make a commitment to become a member and vote on eg the new minister, but anyone can walk through the door!

Datafan55 · 10/10/2021 17:28

Actually my one has recently started a 'open to all' coffee and cake session on Wednesdays. All can go, and there's no actual 'religious' content. Apparently cakes are yummy too!

Datafan55 · 10/10/2021 17:30

(pressed post too soon)
www.placesofwelcome.org.uk/