How do I get through the next 7yrs

[Sunnyreception]

Name change!
My daughter has just started reception, hadn’t been able to view the school before due to covid. The school is highly rated and is the closest to us, it really was always a given she would go there. We’re in London so I’m used to a mix of people: races, classes etc.
Looking however around the school today for the first time, meeting the other parents (I appreciate this isn’t the point of school)- it struck me there is not one parent I could mesh with. The school is in a rundown area, and it’s apparent there is little social diversity, they all have 3-4 children and counting, the aggression of one of the mothers when I attempted to speak to her was ……interesting.
Any tips tor surviving the next 7years or do I have to move?

Being pragmatic I think your only option is to move if this is how you feel about your child's school, you can't afford private school, and there isn't another workable option nearby. Moving is expensive so make sure you move somewhere where you like the secondary schools.

@idontlikealdi

You sound delightful.

They are just being honest The next few years everything revolves around your children, Why be rude?

Hmmm not sure I agree. I dont fit in with the majority of those from my children's school. But it's a great school, they've had a great education and some good activities and trips. I might have enjoyed it socially more if it were a more m/c area but my kids had a fantasti time and it's about them really. I've made some lovely friends who didn't go to uni/do a professional job etc I wouldn't otherwise have met.

Have you thought of moving to berkshire or Surrey or another home county? I have the opposite problem. I'm working class, had my eldest when I was just a teenager, I have depression, am a carer to DS1 who's in year 5 so I'm long term unemployed living in a small council bungalow. The middle class, professional types with nicely renovated owned homes...they outnumber the people like me here. Its isolating for me but oh well I'm happy to keep to myself...if they have nothing in common with me I understand why they wouldn't talk to me. For example I cant talk about going on holidays or cars or work because those things aren't in my life right now, so I'm a bit boring to talk to I suppose

@idontlikealdi me? It's true though, there is nothing worse than being somewhere and feeling like you don't fit in and when it comes to it that's what our children need too. My example was upon meeting DHs colleagues who were all discussing the problems with their au pairs, it is a world that I am not from and that afternoon was really hard work, feeling like that everyday on the school run would be exhausting. Luckily children have less baggage than us so in my experience fit into new situations much more easily.

@SuperstarDog

I wonder what the other parents thought of you? 😬😅

I really don’t get offended if people make presumptions about me

Interesting first post @Sunnyreception

Sounds perfect to me!! My youngest is in her final year of primary, my eldest is year 10 and I've never ever made a mum friend. It really isn't my cup of tea and tbh it causes more drama than it's worth.

Well you mustn't mix with people with 3 or more children! Or is it just your child that goes to the school? In which case it should be ok.

So all the parents are ‘aggressive’? All of them?

@SuperstarDog

So all the parents are ‘aggressive’? All of them?

Nope not what I said, I said one was aggressive and there was a lack of diversity

@rainbowdashsneeze

Sounds perfect to me!! My youngest is in her final year of primary, my eldest is year 10 and I've never ever made a mum friend. It really isn't my cup of tea and tbh it causes more drama than it's worth.

Did you never have to host a play date or arrange parties?

@SuperstarDog

So all the parents are ‘aggressive’? All of them?

The op clearly stated one parent was

Nope not what I said, I said one was aggressive and there was a lack of diversity

In what way? Do you mean they’re all ‘rough’ and ‘gobby’? Don’t work? What would you like them to be like, maybe that’s a more positive way to answer. I don’t really know exactly what you’re getting at.

@PaulGallico

Interesting first post *@Sunnyreception*

She said she name changed

Ooh I think I must be riff raff. 3 kids and on benefits.

One of the rougher type mums at my DC's school ended up squaring up to a primary aged child from her DC's class. It was quite an event.

Surely it’s too soon to judge this?

I mean, I kind of get what you’re saying - there’s a large proportion of parents at my DC’s school who’ve lived around there all their lives, have known other parents since primary school and just aren’t interested in talking to anyone new - but there are some who are friendly.

And it took me more than one day to find out who the friendly approachable parents were.

Be brave- expand on lack of diversity. If you mean they’re all white wc then maybe there is a culture clash. Actually thinking about it the peer group my dc started with in state primary have largely gone onto university. It was at first glance very wc, but ethnically diverse. It was very central London though and I the demographic in Welling/ Bexley/ Medway towns is depressed though.

@Comedycook

One of the rougher type mums at my DC's school ended up squaring up to a primary aged child from her DC's class. It was quite an event.

Yep, I witnessed that too, but at a very posh prep. The police were called.

Ooh I think I must be riff raff. 3 kids and on benefits.

Don’t talk to me, I’m too posh with only 2 children. And you’re on benefits? Don’t even look at me. 🤣🤣🤣

Have you watched Motherland?

Don’t talk to me, I’m too posh with only 2 children. And you’re on benefits? Don’t even look at me

even worse is I claim disability benefits but don't use my wheelchair every day

Just because people have 2,3+ plus children does not mean they are bad people. There are kind and horrible people in all classes. Your Already alienating yourself by judging theses people. Pretty soon you will wounder why you were so worried and will be chatting to the other parents. Even if your not, the main thing is your child is happy. I have been doing the school drop of for years. I have never really got in with other parents. I might chat for moment or 2 that's about it really.

This attitude is probably true. My DCs went to a school where most people were far posher and richer than us (bankers, law firm partners etc.) but we are in a lower social bracket. All the parents were polite and superficially friendly, but however much we tried and were nice, we never fitted in or were invited to events. They were all white and we are mixed race. They were pretty much all Guardian reading liberals, but in my view didn’t live the values that they undoubtedly thought they had. On paper we should have been the right sort of people (we visited Cornwall, went skiing and listened to radio 4 ☺️, plus had professional jobs) but we still weren’t.

However although we are mixed race (Asian, Black and White) we didn’t fit in with the Asian and Black crowds. as I think we don’t know enough about the cultures. Again, nice people but we couldnt get close. It was very hard actually.

My work place is a mixture of races and social strata, and I have many friends there (so I don’t think it’s me! ☺️). Ditto my husband’s place of work.

I found the playground/school events etc difficult but I only gave up trying seven years of the nine at primary school. And if anyone thinks cliques/schoolyard politics aren’t a thing, they haven’t experienced it.

As a family we genuinely don’t care about race or class - I am a middle class Asian by parents’ profession and my husband is from a very poor and what he would call a working class background. But we are friendly with everyone.

Because of our experiences, I think the view expressed in this thread that birds of a feather flock together is quite sad but true. If you cant find similar ‘birds’ though, I’m not sure whom we are meant to flock with.