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Original poster

How do I get through the next 7yrs

142 replies

Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 15:48

Name change!
My daughter has just started reception, hadn’t been able to view the school before due to covid. The school is highly rated and is the closest to us, it really was always a given she would go there. We’re in London so I’m used to a mix of people: races, classes etc.
Looking however around the school today for the first time, meeting the other parents (I appreciate this isn’t the point of school)- it struck me there is not one parent I could mesh with. The school is in a rundown area, and it’s apparent there is little social diversity, they all have 3-4 children and counting, the aggression of one of the mothers when I attempted to speak to her was ……interesting.
Any tips tor surviving the next 7years or do I have to move?

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 01/10/2021 16:34

@Comedycook

Most of us if we're honest want to at least have some mums at the school gate that we gel with...makes playdates/birthday parties so much easier
Exactly.

My son has asd and I found it so hard because he didn't have close friends which is one way the mums gelled.

I was grateful when I went FT work and he went to wraparound care. Felt I dodged some playground social bullocks that would stress me out Grin

Original poster
Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 16:35

@HumunaHey

I am naive as I don't yet have children in school. Does it really matter what the parents are like? It's just your kids school. You don't need to be friends with them.
In a perfect world no, but play dates and birthdays and activities all centre around your children’s friends when young and those friends are predominantly made at school. Her nursery friends were pretty mixed and lovely but none went to her school as technically it was in a different borough.
OP posts:
BlueChampagne · 01/10/2021 16:36

Join PTA or Governing Board (if you have time and inclination, and they have vacancies). Might introduce you to some different parents.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Primary education
CanICelebrate · 01/10/2021 16:36

@Comedycook

That has not been my experience. My children have been to a mix of state and private school and I’ve made ‘mum friends’ from all walks of life.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 01/10/2021 16:38

First week of my DC starting school I was asked whether my children have the same father? When I said yes I was asked whether we are still together.
I laugh about it now. Give it time OP. Sometimes it’s better the devil you know.

Comedycook · 01/10/2021 16:41

[quote CanICelebrate]@Comedycook

That has not been my experience. My children have been to a mix of state and private school and I’ve made ‘mum friends’ from all walks of life.[/quote]
In all honesty, if you saw the group of parents in my dcs school who are from the lower end of the social class, I very much doubt you'd want to mix with them...one mum in particular is always ranting about something or someone who has upset her and how she wants to smash their face in. It all kicked off in the local park once and the police were called Shock

There's "all walks of life" and then there's that!

ZednotZee · 01/10/2021 16:42

I'd rather my DC were at your DC's school than our local primary.

Lower middle class dickheads are the worst.
Give me the riff raff any day.

Siriisatwat · 01/10/2021 16:44

@CyclingIsNotOuting

First week of my DC starting school I was asked whether my children have the same father? When I said yes I was asked whether we are still together. I laugh about it now. Give it time OP. Sometimes it’s better the devil you know.
When we live in london, I was always asked that with a head tilt (I have 3 with massive age gaps, I can see why it would be reasonable to assume they were from different relationships). When I told them that yes, they were all dh’s, I was suitably middle class for some and worthy of spending time with.

Up here? I’ve also been asked. And one reply was “alright, Kate Middleton” Grin

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2021 16:54

OP, I think I know where you're coming from so I won't give you a hard time. I moved from a London borough to the edge of London/ Essex and was surprised at the lack of social and racial diversity in the school. This has changed a lot recently, maybe it will for you. My son is now Y11 and when he joined that school in Y5 nearly all the parents were white, working class, had grown up in the area, not really educated, not traveled except maybe to Spain occasionally, and quite narrow minded, often racist etc. (My kids are mixed race). UKIP was big around here. Some of them were lovely people but we had literally nothing in common at conversation would dry up. My younger DC ended up in a class where I made some great friends with a group of ladies where only one is English, although they are still all white, and I felt a lot more comfortable around this lot. Sometimes you have to seek a bit and you will find.

N4ish · 01/10/2021 17:09

Did Covid stop you visiting the school or going to any school events? Really don't get why you are only finding this out 4 weeks in! I made a point of walking by local schools at pick up times to get an idea of what the parents were like.

Original poster
Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 17:14

@N4ish

Did Covid stop you visiting the school or going to any school events? Really don't get why you are only finding this out 4 weeks in! I made a point of walking by local schools at pick up times to get an idea of what the parents were like.
Yep covid meant no school visits at all! I wasn’t really thinking to drive past all 6 schools on my list at home time when I applied
OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 17:14

Also it’s not 4 wks- due to staggered start we are 2 wks in and drop off and pick ups are very swift

OP posts:
Happyharry2003 · 01/10/2021 17:17

I guess the thing to focus on if whether your child is happy and has made friends.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/10/2021 17:19

@Sunnyreception

Name change! My daughter has just started reception, hadn’t been able to view the school before due to covid. The school is highly rated and is the closest to us, it really was always a given she would go there. We’re in London so I’m used to a mix of people: races, classes etc. Looking however around the school today for the first time, meeting the other parents (I appreciate this isn’t the point of school)- it struck me there is not one parent I could mesh with. The school is in a rundown area, and it’s apparent there is little social diversity, they all have 3-4 children and counting, the aggression of one of the mothers when I attempted to speak to her was ……interesting. Any tips tor surviving the next 7years or do I have to move?
What's the problem with 3+ children op?
Comedycook · 01/10/2021 17:21

What's the problem with 3+ children op?

I've noticed that people with lots of children are either very posh or very er un posh

loubielou31 · 01/10/2021 17:22

Going against the grain a bit but I really do think it's important to be able to stand outside your children's school and think "we fit in here" I can be friends with these people and my child will make good friends with their children. Give it a bit longer and I am sure there will be people that you gel with especially if it's close to where you live.

idontlikealdi · 01/10/2021 17:22

You sound delightful.

Comedycook · 01/10/2021 17:23

I really do think it's important to be able to stand outside your children's school and think "we fit in here

I think this is true. School isn't a one off event that you can grin and bear. It's virtually every single day for seven years!

Original poster
Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 17:24

@Comedycook

What's the problem with 3+ children op?

I've noticed that people with lots of children are either very posh or very er un posh

Yep!
OP posts:
ButterflyAway · 01/10/2021 17:24

Yep move, god knows you sound judgemental and stuck up as hell. You’ll make their lives a misery. People can tell when you’re judging them.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/10/2021 17:24

@Comedycook

What's the problem with 3+ children op?

I've noticed that people with lots of children are either very posh or very er un posh

Not really. Quite a lot of us are very much in between. Just like other people.
Original poster
Sunnyreception · 01/10/2021 17:26

People want to pretend they see no difference between people and everyone mixes and Henry happily plays with Wayne then fine- I’m not claiming to be “above” anyone, I’m saying this school has a limited demographic

OP posts:
Comedycook · 01/10/2021 17:26

You’ll make their lives a misery

How will the op do that then?

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 17:27

I wonder what the other parents thought of you? 😬😅

FourTeaFallOut · 01/10/2021 17:27

Very posh or very un-posh? GrinGrin
Do I get to decide which on a morning?