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Anyone follow the coverage of the Sarah Everard case today and want to vent?

999 replies

HangingOver · 29/09/2021 14:05

I'm home alone today and except for whatsapping my friends have nothing to do with this incandescent rage and hopeless sadness.

Anyone else need to talk? Sad

OP posts:
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7
Skinnytailedsquirrel · 29/09/2021 23:02

I believe he will get a whole life sentence as otherwise there will be riots. I hope he lives until he's 100. I hope he suffers in prison until he dies.

WrapAroundYourDreams · 29/09/2021 23:02

You would have to live a very sheltered life to imagine that women and men have equivalent levels of sexual and violent offending. It is incomparable.

This, 💯

worriedatthemoment · 29/09/2021 23:05

@WrapAroundYourDreams At no point did I say that wasn't the case ?
What some have said is all men need to take responsibility for this - that I disagree with and I am entitled to that opinion as much as you are yours

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/09/2021 23:06

Passmeamenuatthetottenham

Every time men laugh at a nickname like 'The Rapist', every time they get a 'funny' porn video in the group WhatsApp chat and don't call it out, or rape jokes, every time they dismiss misogynistic talk as 'locker room bantz', every time they go to a strip club or brothel on a stag do and 'what happens on the stag stays on the stag', every time they cover for each other.... “

Do most men behave in this way, though? Rape jokes? That’s just staggering.

The men in my life now just don’t.

My father was a violent monster who took my mother to hell and back. I haven’t had contact for 48 years, dead now for all I know. Likewise, my brother (cut him off 25 years ago).

My husband, his brothers, my son, our male friends are good people. Despite my early life experiences (actually, maybe because of) I feel it’s wrong to suggest that most men are capable of such abhorrent behaviour.

Today’s coverage was just heartbreaking.

worriedatthemoment · 29/09/2021 23:06

@LexMitior but nobody has said that all
Thats just not been said

LexMitior · 29/09/2021 23:07

@Skinnytailedsquirrel

I believe he will get a whole life sentence as otherwise there will be riots. I hope he lives until he's 100. I hope he suffers in prison until he dies.
The last sentence is quite likely. Having committed an infamous crime, being a police officer will make you quite a target. You are a prime candidate for being killed by another prisoner who also probably has been sentenced to life. If you can't get out, what does it matter what you do inside?
Pumperthepumper · 29/09/2021 23:09

@MrsSkylerWhite

Passmeamenuatthetottenham

Every time men laugh at a nickname like 'The Rapist', every time they get a 'funny' porn video in the group WhatsApp chat and don't call it out, or rape jokes, every time they dismiss misogynistic talk as 'locker room bantz', every time they go to a strip club or brothel on a stag do and 'what happens on the stag stays on the stag', every time they cover for each other.... “

Do most men behave in this way, though? Rape jokes? That’s just staggering.

The men in my life now just don’t.

My father was a violent monster who took my mother to hell and back. I haven’t had contact for 48 years, dead now for all I know. Likewise, my brother (cut him off 25 years ago).

My husband, his brothers, my son, our male friends are good people. Despite my early life experiences (actually, maybe because of) I feel it’s wrong to suggest that most men are capable of such abhorrent behaviour.

Today’s coverage was just heartbreaking.

Everyone thinks this though.

But the fact is, men are committing sexual assaults and murders at an incredible rate - two women per week murdered in the UK by men. So that’s either the same bad men being very busy, or it’s the ordinary men, the nice coworkers and the police and the people we know. Which is more likely?

MrsRobbieHart · 29/09/2021 23:11

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Pumperthepumper yes i do see the difference but I also see an increase in womens crimes as well , which is also worrying and crimes committed by children.
I see society getting worse in general
Maybe its all just reported more so seems worse .
[/quote]
I’ll ask again, have you verified that these crimes are being committed by women rather than men who identity as women?

Gimlisaxe · 29/09/2021 23:13

@Skinnytailedsquirrel

I believe he will get a whole life sentence as otherwise there will be riots. I hope he lives until he's 100. I hope he suffers in prison until he dies.
I am sure everyone thought that of Colin Pitchfork, till he got released
Nietzschethehiker · 29/09/2021 23:14

This is getting ridiculous. In a thread that I genuinely could not see how anyone could ever find a way to justify his behaviour we have male apologists seeking to minimise and deflect ( by the way stop using the fucking excuse that you have sons , so do I and a male partner it is not an excuse to witter your ridiculous attempts to find a way to put them on a pedestal.) Actually on that note , if there was a predator in my area and the police put men on lockdown I would have no issue that it meant my DP and DC. Because I would feel the same if I had a DD. We are ok telling our daughters to be safe and not go out at night blah blah blah why is it different with male children.

I don't agree Men equal a higher liklihood of violence I damn well do agree they are given an entitlement to it by a world that assumes we can't possibly hold them accountable in the same way we do women.

We even got to blaming his female partner. What the actual fuck. Are we really that far gone? Is this really what we have become. Seeking desperately to protect a group of people who have this many violent offences to them?

No of course I don't expect my DP or my sons to ever do anything like this....but that doesn't mean I get to look away when it's happening to another woman, because that could be me, or my Dsis or my Dn.

Just once, for God's sake just once can we just hold him accountable. Sabinas attacker too. (For those trying to turn it into picking and choosing who we care about its fucking not. I'm gutted for Sabina and her family too. I am angry I am raging for her however you look at it a police officer using his power is fucking terrifying. As is the asshole that decided Sabina was fucking disposable ).

There's posts trying to manipulate this to their own agenda about anti Trans rights which genuinely makes me feel sick that any MN poster thinks it was ok to coopt this awful situation to attempt to make a stupid comment about self id if someone asked for a WPC. What is wrong with you to use a women's death like this , that has no palpable connection to trans issues at all.

Just once can we say No. Enough. As a United voice. Just once can we say We don't care anymore about their mental health issues or their trauma or anything else.

He needs to be held accountable to the full extent of the law. The law needs to show us we matter and they are protecting us. The same needs to happen for Sabinas attacker. The police need to admit that as an agency , not the individual police officers , were wrong. They let women down
The systems were wrong.

I just want to hear one of those people say it. Say you failed. Say you were wrong. Say you are culpable and change. I sp sick of the excuses.

I'm am so done with every women who justifies this, backhanded or otherwise or deflects it or coopts it to fit their own agenda. Stop looking for the nearest women to blame.

Actually who am I kidding. The pick me's will still dance. The violence will continue and we will stay play our roles. I give up , I truly give up.

Bagelsandbrie · 29/09/2021 23:15

The sad truth is that you only need to read a few of the threads on the relationships board on mumsnet to see that misogyny at its very basic level is alive and well in our society. It starts with men who won’t do their share of the parenting, won’t get up with the baby or pretends they don’t hear the baby, won’t share finances equally, gives themselves more spending money, won’t help their wives when their wives are unwell… and so on. And I’ve been in an abusive marriage where all of those things happened. And more. And I suspect a lot of women are in similar relationships and put up with shit they would not put up with from a female friend because it’s ingrained in us to be accommodating and understanding and not fucking angry! And not challenging. Times need to change. Expectations need to be higher. And men need to know this.

It doesn’t equate to murdering someone, of course but it’s the whole narrative of superiority that is feeding this toxic culture.

WrapAroundYourDreams · 29/09/2021 23:16

What some have said is all men need to take responsibility for this - that I disagree with

That is honestly a bizarre position to take. You don't think that all men should question their behaviour, and that of their friends? How many men laugh along with misogynistic jokes, how many men mansplain over women, how many men show far more concern about issues faced by other protected characteristics than women.... this list could go on and on

SkiingIsHeaven · 29/09/2021 23:16

I was shocked and upset by what I read.

I really hope he gets a taste of his own medicine when he goes to jail.

Evil, cowardly bastard.

Passmeamenuatthetottenham · 29/09/2021 23:17

@MrsSkylerWhite

Passmeamenuatthetottenham

Every time men laugh at a nickname like 'The Rapist', every time they get a 'funny' porn video in the group WhatsApp chat and don't call it out, or rape jokes, every time they dismiss misogynistic talk as 'locker room bantz', every time they go to a strip club or brothel on a stag do and 'what happens on the stag stays on the stag', every time they cover for each other.... “

Do most men behave in this way, though? Rape jokes? That’s just staggering.

The men in my life now just don’t.

My father was a violent monster who took my mother to hell and back. I haven’t had contact for 48 years, dead now for all I know. Likewise, my brother (cut him off 25 years ago).

My husband, his brothers, my son, our male friends are good people. Despite my early life experiences (actually, maybe because of) I feel it’s wrong to suggest that most men are capable of such abhorrent behaviour.

Today’s coverage was just heartbreaking.

My husband is a lovely guy, I know he would never hurt anyone, but I know and he knows that he is guilty of some of the stuff on that list.

Sexual and physical violence against women is so endemic, it's not just the 'monsters' out there enabling it. It's not just a few 'bad' men, it can't be.

NoLongerADoormat · 29/09/2021 23:20

Why is there such uproar when a curfew for men is suggested?
We tell women all the time how to avoid being raped or murdered, don't wear this, don't get drunk, don't go out at night
Yet it seems utterly barbaric to consider imposing a curfew on the potential people who are doing the sick crimes

Make it make sense

faithfulbird20 · 29/09/2021 23:22

Men like him need to be castrated so every time they look at their private parts they remember what they did to innocent women.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/09/2021 23:23

Pumperthepumper

Everyone thinks this though.

But the fact is, men are committing sexual assaults and murders at an incredible rate - two women per week murdered in the UK by men. So that’s either the same bad men being very busy, or it’s the ordinary men, the nice coworkers and the police and the people we know. Which is more likely?“

Worse, 3 each week, according to PM programme today.

It’s almost impossible to comprehend, even as someone who watched her mother beaten and raped as far back as she can remember.

That’s how I know now, though, that the men I love (including the young man I have raised) are good people because they wouldn’t be in my life if they weren’t. I would have no hesitation in walking away if I suspected otherwise, whoever they were.

TartanJumper · 29/09/2021 23:25

@MrsRobbieHart

Men kill women in the uk at a rate of over 2 a week. This wasn’t evil at work, this wasn’t an anomaly or a one off. This is normal life! This is tolerated and permitted in our society. For it to change, all men have to change it. All of them.
Agree. Not all men kill, no. But far too many men stay silent when their mates make misogynist jokes, or stand in silence while they talk about them in vile ways, or treat their wives/girlfriends/daughters like their personal possessions. Or call women frigid or become aggressive when they have the audacity to turn down their unwanted advances. Far too many will not call out this kind of behaviour in other men. Far too many are far too comfortable with casual sexism.

While a group of men joking in the pub about what they'd like to do to Susan from accounts hasn't led to anybody being murdered, it's contributed to a generally shit culture in which men think it's acceptable to treat women like walking vaginas instead of actual human beings.

LexMitior · 29/09/2021 23:26

Well, if you really want to know someone, ask to look at their phone. That will tell you who they are privately maybe better than anything else. They are such revealing things, no wonder this vile man wiped his.

friendlycat · 29/09/2021 23:27

It is so very sad and tragic. Such a young and beautiful and intelligent girl so brutally murdered.

The statements from her family express everything about this awful case.

Sometimes I really do wish the death penalty was still applicable. As this would be where it would be applicable without any doubt.

Fredshred · 29/09/2021 23:29

Donald Trump openly joked about grabbing women by the pussy and was still voted into the most powerful position in the world (by men and by women). The fact that women are sexually harassed, abused and subjugated every single day is an accepted normality in today’s world. And this is 2021. Depressing but I don’t see it changing anytime soon. And yes, men you must stay home til we find this lunatic would help, rather than women stay at home forever more to keep yourself safe (we can’t quite openly get away with taliban politics but we’d like to) might wake people up to the power imbalance.

TeachesOfPeaches · 29/09/2021 23:32

Two (male) police officers took selfies with the bodies of 2 murdered sisters and sent the photos to their non-police friends via WhatsApp.

The police didn't investigate when the sisters were reported missing, one of their boyfriends had to search and find them himself.

Surprise surprise the women were murdered by a male stranger. Sabina's murder happened round the corner from me, another random stranger attack.

What is the motivation for this behaviour?

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jun/26/met-chief-dumbfounded-at-officers-alleged-photos-of-murdered-sisters

fmac2987 · 29/09/2021 23:36

@DoraMaude

It's one of the worst things I've ever read. That poor woman. However he is the one to blame - I don't think we should diminish this in any way by seeking to hold anyone else to account. He is an evil man who was entirely responsible for this. Not all men. Not the police.
This not all men shit is unhelpful. Yes, we know its not "all men", but its enough men to make all women feel unsafe. Every single woman has a story, all women are affected.
theemperorhasnoclothes · 29/09/2021 23:40

@MrsRobbieHart

The fact that he shouldn’t even have had is warrant card on him due to his indecent exposure days before is what is so infuriating. Had the police followed that up with the urgency it deserved he wouldn’t have been able to arrest her. The outcome of the investigation into their lack of action will be interesting.
THIS is why the police are complicit. He was escalating. He committed an offense (which is against the law). Why was this just waved away? He should not have had his warrant card. He should have been in bloody jail. And then Sarah would still be alive.