All my friends of a certain age want to run away from home

[MareofBeasttown]

I thought it was just me, but after speaking to a bunch of friends around my age ( late 40s to early 50s) I have realised that all of us want to run away from home and fuck off to a desert island somewhere. We all have wildly different home lives, jobs and circumstances, but this is the common factor. Of course the pandemic has made things worse, but I don't think it's only the pandemic. Myself, I want to run away just to avoid being asked "Where is the sriracha?" when the sriracha is right on the counter.

@PamelasPantsAreHuge - oh mate, I feel your pain! Perimenopause does suck. There are some handy FB groups (if you do FB) for sharing the pain in a more selective way - this is one that I like www.facebook.com/groups/258229171553413 - assuming you're in the UK? I'm not in the UK but I am British so they let me in!

No not addressed to anyone really just think as we have the mental load it essential to get away sans family.

Sriracha = chilli sauce.

I feel like this a lot of the time. I think in our 20s and 30s we give so much of ourselves to other people so selflessly. When we hit our 40s and 50s and our children are growing up we have a bit of a moment where we think actually what’s happened to me? That’s what’s going on with me at the moment. I do think some of it is menopause related. I stopped producing oestrogen in my late 30s due to an autoimmune condition and I definitely noticed I became harder, less nurturing, more selfish. I went down the HRT route for a while but had to stop because it was interacting with my pituitary tumour and lupus meds and I think I’m mostly out the other side of it now but I’ve definitely changed emotionally. I don’t put up with other people and their shit anymore. I sometimes wonder if this is what men feel like all the time….!

@Tangledtresses

I've told all my kids (teens) that as soon as they fuck off so am I To a lovely house by the sea with minimal bedrooms So they can visit... but not for long 😬

I'm saving up madly... we're on a very tight budget at the moment as I'm saving it all for meeeeeee

Actually doing this. The best bit - the massive declutter, so we don’t have to live with 20 years of accumulated possessions.

And also have a Golden Girls shared house plan for later years

I don't want to run away mhyself but I would love it if everyone else would go away for a while and leave me alone in my own house.
My dream is to wake up in my own empty house, spend the day alone and go to bed in my empty house.
I feel like that would do me so much good.

I'm quite happy here thanks, I got divorced and ran away to rural Somerset. i couldn't be happier.

I don’t want to run away (yet) but I do find being asked if we have something whilst asked is LOOKING STRAIGHT F**KING AT THAT SOMETHING a tad…tiresome on occasion….🤣

On the rare occasions I’ve tried to get away from it all, the universe has conspired to make it as difficult as possible.
Sick parent, dog decides to eat a sock or teenage affairs of the heart, there’s always something.
It’s the mental load that I struggle with.
Friends (all similar age) feel the same.

Fortunately, I have a secret life where I trot round Edinburgh ( usually Edinburgh but on occasion other European cities ) wearing a series of fabulous outfits.
Always great coats, like Nicole Kidman in that that thing with Hugh Grant, can’t remember the name due to the menopausal brain fog.
I attend gallery openings and book launches where I chat in a vivacious manner to terribly interesting, erudite, attractive people.
What’s more, they are actually interested in what I have to say.
They asK questions about ME, my opinions, what I think, not just where things are !
There’s always a hint of romance, flirtation but no actual sex or anything because I totally can’t be bothered with that.
Plus I’d probably need to take off my fabulous coat.

Thanks god for an active imagination. I am going to look into HRT though.

Friends are already getting weepy at the prospect of teens leaving home - ours are lovely nice to us etc but it will be amazing when it’s just us again life will be so easy!

I reckon it's perimenopause related. It's when our nurturing hormones start to die off, we just can't be arsed with caring for everyone anymore and just long to live a life where we only have to please ourselves.

I fantasize about it all the time! I think about going to another country and living in a bedsit to keep things simple.

@Wbeezer

Also that temptation when you fill the car up and see that you have 500+miles range... Anne Tyler wrote a book about a woman just walking away one day, i think it's called "The Ladder of Years", I read it a few years ago...

I'm reading the book now. Only a couple of chapters in and it feels like she is wrong about me .

@HemanOrSheRa

It's perimenopause. I'm sure I read somewhere that estrogen is the 'caring/nurturing' hormone. When it starts to decrease we start to get feelings of 'Oh fuck this shit. Find your own sriracha. I'm off'.

It’s the peri menopause, all the oestrogen caring hormones have fucked off ….leaving us staring suspiciously round going ‘ hang on a minute…what is this shit?’ As we realise the life we’ve been living is very different from the one we thought we’d be living.

I regularly google little houses with lovely gardens ….and dream of coming home to a quiet house without football, war documentaries, cries of ‘where’s the ’ and stepchildren letting themselves in to help themselves to my wine.

I've started fantasising about a spotlessly clean apartment, painted all in white, with a big squashy sofa and fresh flowers.
I adore my family but am so fed up of constantly cleaning up after other people, the endless meal production and utter inability of anyone to manage their own lives without my involvement! Very interesting to hear it's menopause related.

I'm a single parent to two lazy teens, they're ok. Not bad kids but they blame me for everything which I cannot stand.

I would love to run away.

Agh! Writing about me, not wrong about me! Facepalm!

Oh I loved that Anne Tyler book. Ladder of dreams or ladder of years?

Even in my 20s I found it comforting, that you could retain the option to just walk away. I'm 51 now and I would like a simpler life. A bedsit and a part time job in a shop/cafe would be a rest.

God yes.

A desert island where there are other women living in walking distance, so we can meet up if feeling sociable or need to help each other out, but can be alone if we wish. No men.

Also: vineyards so we can make out own wine. Wells with never ending supplies of sparkling clean water. Lots of fruit and vegetables growing abundantly that miraculously don't need much attention. Lovely cows and hens that happily provide milk and eggs. Lots of fish in the sea.

Anne Tyler’s book Ladder of Years is about this - a woman just walks of a beach in her bathing costume, away from her family, and starts a new life. For same reasons as being mentioned in this thread.
Worth a read.

I knew what age this was going to be.... Me too. I haven't been anywhere for over two years, it's quite difficult to leave my frail mother, though the teen is now fairly independent. I've had enough and want to do what I want to do. I've been looking at camper vans and the urge to let out the house and live in a van is strong.

I got in a mood on Friday night! My mood may or may not be influenced by starting HRT last week. I've got a fabulous child free friend who was happily in the pub on said hormonal evening. I went out on 'an errand' and ended up in the pub having actual fun. No one asked me where anything was and everyone there was happy with the standards of drinks/ food/snacks provided in the Establishment. Very unlike the facilities I provide at home which are severely lacking apparently!

It’s the peri menopause, all the oestrogen caring hormones have fucked off ….leaving us staring suspiciously round going ‘ hang on a minute…what is this shit?’ As we realise the life we’ve been living is very different from the one we thought we’d be living

I totally identify with this!

That's got to be a first, thread derail on post 1.

Went out for a meal with a couple of friends last week - we're all in our 50's with young adult DC (2 of us still have them living at home). We were discussing what sort of (fabulous) house we could buy together if we all ditched our husbands and took 50% of the assets and pooled them.