Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Parents of 10year old boys . Is yours like mine?

116 replies

ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:27

DS has just turned 10 (yesterday).

I’m finding his behaviour exasperating and I wondered if anyone can tell me if this is usual for 10 year old boys?

He cries over very trivial things. All of the time. As an example, he asked for some birthday cake last night and I said “of course , whilst I’m cutting it , you run up and have a shower” He didn’t want to have the cake after his shower and instead of asking nicely if he could have it first , he lay on the floor shouting “please , please , please not after “ over and over . I got a bit cross as I could not discuss it with him as he was crying and whining . This is his response to most things when either he does not want to do it or something changes.

I have to ask him over and over to do something simple as he gets very easily distracted.

He interrupts and talks over us and does not realise he’s doing it. When we point it out , he looks downhearted.

When we talk to him, he will look briefly at our eyes and then appears to stare at our noses or heads .

He is struggling to get to sleep and will wake in the early hours .

He has only two friends and in spite of attending various after school clubs , he has not made more and makes no effort to make more, he’s always the responder and not the first to talk.

He constantly says “you’re the best mum ever” , which whilst lovely, is out of context and at random times and he repeats it over and over so we’re locked in a “you’re the best mum ever…” “thank you DS” ad finitum until I don’t respond.

He counts everything from ceiling tiles to pavement blocks.

Is this usual for a child his age?

OP posts:
Polkadots2021 · 23/09/2021 16:33

Hi OP it could just be his personality, he sounds really sweet with the I love yous but I can see the other stuff can be a handful! If you're concerned could you see an ed psych for an assessment just in case there is another reason for him getting easily overwhelmed, etc?

Taoneusa · 23/09/2021 16:36

I’d wail and fall on the floor if I asked for a slice of cake and whilst it was being cut for me I was told to go shower first.

Are you sure what he’s crying about are “ trivial things” or just “trivial” to you?

Original poster
ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:39

@Taoneusa I really don’t think it was an unreasonable request to ask him to shower. It was a nighttime and he had been out to training. It was reasonable to ask him to shower first and then he could have cake.

They absolutely are trivial things he cries over. He asked for some gnocchi for tea last night but because we had run out of his favourite sauce , he cried .

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families
Comedycook · 23/09/2021 16:41

No I don't think that's typical for a ten year old boy to be honest. My ds was difficult at that age but didn't do any of the things you've described

SpiceWeaselBAM · 23/09/2021 16:41

These are not behaviours I have observed in my boys or other 10 year old boys I know. It wouldn't hurt to seek some advice.

Taoneusa · 23/09/2021 16:45

I don’t agree with you at all that it’s reasonable to make him shower while you cut a slice of cake for him. He’s ten years old! Delayed gratification isn’t a thing when you’re 10.

He sounds like he’s weary of being thwarted. If I was made to shower before cake, then my mother hadn’t got my favourite sauce for my gnocchi, I’d be feeling tearful too, particularly when my requests and preferences are discounted as trivial.

Do you treat your husbands preferences/needs/ wishes as “trivial” also, or just your sons?

GTAlogic · 23/09/2021 16:45

Not the crying but the random "I love you" comments, the interruptions, the being easily distracted and the social problems are similar to my ds, also 10. He has adhd and potentially autism as well. I'm not saying your ds has it but it might be something to look into.

Original poster
ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:47

He is now crying because his brother has a green toy in his surprise bag (one of those surprise sealed bags full of rubbish toys and sweets) and his is purple. Very much upset , not in a tantrum, genuinely upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:50

@Taoneusa I’ve given you a snap shot of two things he’s been upset over and you’ve come to the conclusion he is constantly thwarted Confused

It is absolutely reasonable to ask a child who has been playing sweat inducing sports to shower before eating at the dinner table.

I’m sure most people run out of things. I did NOT say I had not bought his favourite sauce as you have implied. Children need to deal with these “things” in life . It’s normal.

OP posts:
Hullabaloo31 · 23/09/2021 16:51

My son is about to turn 10, and I'd say those things are a little unusual. Mine still cries a lot more than I thought kids of that age would (he's my eldest) but he can be reasoned with and talked around and explained to, and things are only a complete disaster if he's really tired or starving etc, not all of the time.

Comedycook · 23/09/2021 16:51

Do you treat your husbands preferences/needs/ wishes as “trivial” also, or just your sons?

What a weird comment Confused

Grimbelina · 23/09/2021 16:53

These are all rather familiar behaviours in my ten year old, who has been diagnosed with ASD/PDA. Like a PP, I'm not saying your son has autism/ADHD etc. but you might want to consider it. It is very common for the children who 'mask' and cope reasonably well when young, to find societal and social pressures become more and more challenging around 10/11. Some of these boys find the transition to secondary completely overwhelming and then can really struggle and it can happen quite quickly and rather dramatically. Please don't assume your son isn't 'making an effort' with friends, it sounds like he might really be struggling.

Original poster
ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:53

@Taoneusa Do you treat your husbands preferences/needs/ wishes as “trivial” also, or just your sons?

I’m a single parent . HTH.

OP posts:
rainbowandglitter · 23/09/2021 16:54

I have an 11 yo boy and don't recognise any of these behaviours you mention. Have school said anything about his behaviour?

Original poster
ClothesTraPhobia · 23/09/2021 16:55

@Grimbelina ASD is my concern. DS has a step sibling diagnosed. I would like to gauge (constructive) opinions on whether it’s worth me pursuing a test for him.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 23/09/2021 16:57

My lad is 10 and tbh it does sound a bit unusual. My ds would complain that his toy was less good than his sister's and about all sorts of things but he wouldn't cry about it and I think he would feel a little ashamed to do so.

I know when he is unwell because he will suddenly cry that I have not got him the right pizza.

He is very vocal about his warm feelings for me though - like your boy. Long may it last!

honkytonkheroe · 23/09/2021 16:57

No, my 10 year old son is not like that although if he is asked to do something he didn't like (like doing piano practice before he does something more fun) he might well be a bit stroppy, and he might end up being sent to his room until he could behave. I can't remember the last time he cried and doesn't whine but can be stroppy. He has 2 very good friends but would play in groups with others in his year and is happy with that. However, at this point in his school (year 6) he knows all 60ish children in his year so either he likes them or he doesn't. If he isn't playing football in a big group, he'll be in a 3 or potentially a few more if his less good friends want to join in. There are quite a few kids in his year that do not behave at school that he has no time for. No amount of after school clubs would make him like kids in his year that he isn't keen on. (Obviously if they are playing football he would play with the children he isn't keen on too.) I suppose he could make friends from another year but then I doubt the years mix very much during school time. He v often says I'm the best mum and says it when he is very happy - we could just be watching tv! He doesn't say it on loop. I say something similar back and he moves on.

Darkchocolateandcoffee · 23/09/2021 16:57

OP in my experience if you as his mum suspect something is up, you might be right. You could ask for a (?) child psychologist to talk to him and see what they advise? Or just speak to them yourself in the first instance - they can be really helpful without necessarily seeing the child.

We had a similar but different issue with our DS and I went to see a child psychologist. She was so helpful and said he was perfectly normal but was behaving like this because of XYZ, which we were then able to address.

Littlemissweepy · 23/09/2021 16:58

I have a 10 year old boy and doesn’t do most of those things. He does get easily distracted and can interrupt a lot though.

TheNarwhalBalloon · 23/09/2021 17:01

It does sound unusual OP and ASD would explain a lot of it. I am autistic with autistic kids and recognise similar issues.

OrangeTortoise · 23/09/2021 17:01

I have an 11yo son and I think some of these behaviours are unusual for a child of that age and more typical of a younger child (or a child with SN).

Is there a school SENCo you could talk to?

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 23/09/2021 17:02

I've had lots of friends say that their 10 YO sons have done through very trying times at this age. I think they find things frustrating and with a few crazy hormones starting to appear there can be a bit more drama and upset. Mine is so easy compared to his sister but can almost be brought to tears if he can't have a bath when it's programmed into his little head that he's going to!
Good luck. They all haves phases.

Profilejacket · 23/09/2021 17:03

Mine is nearly 10 and difficult in his own ways but no I don’t recognise any of those behaviours.

He rarely cries-perhaps every couple of weeks at most and his response to being asked to shower whilst waiting for cake would be an exchange of ‘do I have to? really? Why? , ugh so unfair… at worst.

He does drive me mad by saying ‘mummy’ every time he wants to talk to me, even if we are the only 2 people around and even if he’s only just finished the last thing he said.

The repeating phrase out of context, combined with the difficulty in coping with change in expectations and other issues does suggest asd to me esp with a diagnosed sibling.

honkytonkheroe · 23/09/2021 17:03

And yes he is very easily distracted. I am always telling him to pick him pyjamas off the floor, make his bed before school, put the shower mat away, pick his school clothes up. Whatever I have asked him to do (and I always feel that I should have to ask because he knows he should do these things), he might start to go it, see a book and I'll find him reading or do one thing and forget the other thing. Every night he throws his clothes on the floor when changing for his after school clubs and no matter what I say, he still does it. I would say that on the whole he is exceptionally well behaved (has older sisters and is very mature) so I see that as completely normal 10 year old behaviour.

Profilejacket · 23/09/2021 17:05

Actually, DH’s easily distracted and interrupting are fairly typical behaviours of lots of 10 year olds. we definitely have aspects of those

Swipe left for the next trending thread