Parents of 10year old boys . Is yours like mine?

[ClothesTraPhobia]

DS has just turned 10 (yesterday).

I’m finding his behaviour exasperating and I wondered if anyone can tell me if this is usual for 10 year old boys?

He cries over very trivial things. All of the time. As an example, he asked for some birthday cake last night and I said “of course , whilst I’m cutting it , you run up and have a shower” He didn’t want to have the cake after his shower and instead of asking nicely if he could have it first , he lay on the floor shouting “please , please , please not after “ over and over . I got a bit cross as I could not discuss it with him as he was crying and whining . This is his response to most things when either he does not want to do it or something changes.

I have to ask him over and over to do something simple as he gets very easily distracted.

He interrupts and talks over us and does not realise he’s doing it. When we point it out , he looks downhearted.

When we talk to him, he will look briefly at our eyes and then appears to stare at our noses or heads .

He is struggling to get to sleep and will wake in the early hours .

He has only two friends and in spite of attending various after school clubs , he has not made more and makes no effort to make more, he’s always the responder and not the first to talk.

He constantly says “you’re the best mum ever” , which whilst lovely, is out of context and at random times and he repeats it over and over so we’re locked in a “you’re the best mum ever…” “thank you DS” ad finitum until I don’t respond.

He counts everything from ceiling tiles to pavement blocks.

Is this usual for a child his age?

I have a 10 year old and I would say these behaviours are unusual.

Investigate further is my advice.

My ds was similar to this at that age. Only it wasn't crying, it was more lashing out.

Turned out hat he couldn't handle simple instructions, as they weren't simple for him.

To my son, if I offered him cake but then told him to shower first, he would feel wronged. Like why offer the cake if I want him to shower? Simple to me...it makes sense, but to him it didn't make sense.
If I wanted him to shower before the cake it would go like this:
Ds- can I have some cake?
Me - have a shower and then we will see about getting you some cake
And that would work out fine. Had I offered the cake and then told him to shower, an argument would occur as he wouldn't understand.

It was just a case of different wording for things. Easy to change at home, not so easy in a school setting and so he was moved to a special needs school.
Speak to the school and see about having him assessed if you're concerned.

My ds was never able to be assessed properly due to him refusing to engage, but it seemed there were some learning difficulties and he is very literal.

Also, my son was actually much, much likely to behave in those ways before we had the diagnosis. We have had coaching and approach requests etc. in different ways now and our son is a completely different boy (and would shower before the cake!).

To clarify, I did not offer DS the cake and then ask him to shower. DS came straight through the door after training and asked for cake , I asked him to shower first .

Thank you for the (mostly) constructive replies; I will speak to DS dad at the weekend and we will discuss a plan together.

@TheChip A very helpful tip , thank you . I do have to explain things to DS in a variety of ways .

I generally phrase things like, "Now, we're doing X, then you can do Y," or "When you've done this, then you can do that." I try not to say no too much to ds because the negative phrasing can set him off.

I think its all very normal. My son hates to shower.
The rest is all very normal 10yo behaviour.
Youre too picky.

He,'s not an adult.

Not sure about all the behaviours, but remember a conversation with a (male) teacher who said tearfulness and emotional outbursts are very common in boys around this age. Partially hormones/developmental stage.

@Embroidery too picky indeed if you read my pp you will see I have concerns about ASD.

About the shower I would say look good and have your shower

He would say no I really want the cake I don't want to have a shower etc etc

I would say look ds, run up, shower really quick, get your pyjamas on then we can sit and really enjoy our cake instead of rushing it now

He would probably sign and say ok fine but he would go and do it.

• go

• sigh

He sounds like my 8YO DS who we suspect has ADHD and/or ASD.

I'd recommend getting him assessed. How is he in school?

@Bumpsadaisie my DS would not do that, it is impossible to speak to him when he is upset because he does not want to do something.

He sounds very much like my 8 almost 9 year old who is on the spectrum, I think school would be a good starting point and gauge what they say and start the ball rolling with some assessments.

I’ve had some very helpful advice, thank you to those that have responded constructively without the extra unnecessary digs. It must be wonderful to have nailed parenting and never need advice from others .

Mine doesn't do those things, though he does plenty else to drive me mad. He does seem to flip between more mature ways of handling things, with the occasional lying on the floor wailing episode just to keep me on my toes. It's very hard to deal with at that age.
I think he sounds lovely, and they are all different. Solving the sleep problem might help with everything else?

@ClothesTraPhobia my DS1 was like this, his meltdowns about small disappointments were so frequent at one tone that we had a family phrase for them "a broken biscuit moment" after an infamous incident involving a gingerbread man.
He was eventually diagnosed with ADHD but also has some difficulties reminiscent of ASD too.
He has been a challenging child to raise and I wish he'd been assesed sooner (he was DXed at 20) but wr wrnt down several blind alleys before we got there.

My 10yo with ASD is very similar on lots of what you say.

He doesn't sound dissimilar to my ds at that age who has an ADHD diagnosis.
If you have concerns I would follow them up.

[quote ClothesTraPhobia]@Bumpsadaisie my DS would not do that, it is impossible to speak to him when he is upset because he does not want to do something.[/quote]
Hmm. Maybe worth looking into it further with your lad.

I think that is what has developed over the years with my mine as he has matured, the ability to manage not having his own way.

Every now and again he loses the capacity and we are back at age 6 or 7 but generally he is quite mature in that regards now.

Good luck with it.

I work in SEN and I think those traits could well suggest ASD and would be worth exploring further.

I've a ten year old and I get a lot of sighing, eye-rolling, and muu-uuuum-ing but I don't get the very intense emotional reactions you're describing. Most of the time, mine is amenable to compromise and a reasonable negotiation unless it's about pokemon when all bets are off

I think your instincts are telling you something might be slightly unusual, and it's always worth listening to your instincts as a parent. And now you've made me want gnocchi

I can't say anything about the types of SN but he sounds overwhelmed. Stuff you can do to make the environment draw less on multi-tasking would help him. He is probably worse when tired. Routine helps kids like this, less cognitive burden.

if he needs handholding & help focusing -- help him do that. One instruction at a time.

I used to write lists for DD what order to do things, actually.