Parents of 10year old boys . Is yours like mine?

[ClothesTraPhobia]

DS has just turned 10 (yesterday).

I’m finding his behaviour exasperating and I wondered if anyone can tell me if this is usual for 10 year old boys?

He cries over very trivial things. All of the time. As an example, he asked for some birthday cake last night and I said “of course , whilst I’m cutting it , you run up and have a shower” He didn’t want to have the cake after his shower and instead of asking nicely if he could have it first , he lay on the floor shouting “please , please , please not after “ over and over . I got a bit cross as I could not discuss it with him as he was crying and whining . This is his response to most things when either he does not want to do it or something changes.

I have to ask him over and over to do something simple as he gets very easily distracted.

He interrupts and talks over us and does not realise he’s doing it. When we point it out , he looks downhearted.

When we talk to him, he will look briefly at our eyes and then appears to stare at our noses or heads .

He is struggling to get to sleep and will wake in the early hours .

He has only two friends and in spite of attending various after school clubs , he has not made more and makes no effort to make more, he’s always the responder and not the first to talk.

He constantly says “you’re the best mum ever” , which whilst lovely, is out of context and at random times and he repeats it over and over so we’re locked in a “you’re the best mum ever…” “thank you DS” ad finitum until I don’t respond.

He counts everything from ceiling tiles to pavement blocks.

Is this usual for a child his age?

My son who is the same age is very much like this. He has ASD/ADHD. Like others I am not suggesting your son does, I just see similarities. There is no harm in seeking assessment/referral.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle please could you elaborate on what you would like me to ‘stop?’.

I have no experience of ASD other than DS step sibling who does not live with us. DS is my eldest and I have not ventured this territory before, the reason I asked for advice here.

It may be laughingly obvious to you , but to me, it is not. I do not like to see my DS like this and again, this is why I have asked for advice.

You're twisting his mind and it causes suffering. Please stop.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle you know nothing more about this child other than the snippets of info on this thread. Yet you accuse his (obviously very concerned and worried) mother of causing him suffering. That's pretty appalling of you.

I really never understand the delight some posters take in trying to make someone, who is clearly already feeling worried, feel completely shit.

I have 2 10 year old boys and they sound very similar, apart from the counting. I haven’t worked out if it’s normal, but then is anyone actually normal?

How would you feel if a controlling partner made you shower before you could eat?
You'd feel especially sad about this on your birthday with your cake :'(
A child reacts to sadness / control by crying. In pain as pp said.

I dont think he's ADHD etc and Ive worked in education 30 years. I think your unrealistic, somewhat cruel demands are the problem. You also don't seem to have any idea what children are like.

I’m going to leave this thread now; I’ve had some wonderful advice from posters but the nasty comments are very disheartening.

To be accused of twisting my son’s mind and causing him suffering for asking him to shower is really quite vile and of no support to the thread at all.

From the responses, I’ve concluded we need to ask for a referral. Thank you to all of the posters offering insight, advice and tips for handling this.

Some posters need to remember it’s less effort to be kind than it is to think of ways to bring people down.

I have a 10 year old who was diagnosed as ASD last year.
He becomes very upset over some really random things.
He sees me as "perfect" and often tells me I am and is genuinely shocked if I tell him something I'm not good at.
He also interrupts but gets very very offended if I interrupt him! He's also got very poor volume control and we have to remind him regularly not to shout at us.
I would definitely pursue further investigations for ASD, especially with the counting etc.

My eldest was similar, my younger ones are now this age and are not at all like it. Eldest was diagnosed with ASD at 11.

@Embroidery Is there any reason you feel you need to be so nasty? Controlling? You got that from me asking my sweaty son to shower before eating. I’m astounded that you think it’s ok to post things like this on such a simple , every day issue.

I won’t be engaging with you further.

Very odd replies on here from some people!

He sounds like he's struggling to handle emotions, both positive and negative (the crying, the constant 'I love you' loops) and express them. It does strike me as unusual and worth perhaps investigating. I certainly don't think you are doing anything wrong! He's 10 - while he's obviously still a child, he's not a toddler, but he is handling things in quite a toddler-like way.

@Embroidery note asking him to shower , not forcing. If you’re going to pick apart my posts , do not just select the bits you can twist to meet your agenda. I stated I could not discuss it with him as his immediate response to being asked was to become upset. You have no idea what happened next.

I hope you come across some kinder posters if you ever need advice. I hope they don’t make you feel awful, the way you have with me. Well done . I hope that’s made your day .

@Blueuggboots Your DS sounds very similar to mine; he also gets offended if I point out I’m not perfect , only human. He genuinely feels affronted and likes to makes sure I know I am perfect. If only it were true!

Sounds very much like two of mine.

We have autism and ADHD in the family

Sounds v similar to my 10yo who has ADHD and anxiety. The emotional dysregulation and repetitive "I love you"s in particular. It's hard seeing your kids struggling, and I found the diagnosis quite upsetting because it obviously wasn't just going to go away. But he's doing well on medication. So it sounds normal to me but out of sync with the world unfortunately.

My 10 year old daughter is similar. She is laying on the floor having tantrums but she has an answer for everything. There's always a reason why she shouldn't do as she is told and she doesn't stop whining and gets emotional over small things. This is new she has never been like this she is normally calm and settled. I think it must be a developmental stage it's all I can put it down too.

@Embroidery

How would you feel if a controlling partner made you shower before you could eat? You'd feel especially sad about this on your birthday with your cake :'( A child reacts to sadness / control by crying. In pain as pp said.

I dont think he's ADHD etc and Ive worked in education 30 years. I think your unrealistic, somewhat cruel demands are the problem. You also don't seem to have any idea what children are like.

This is absolute nonsense. Of course parents tell their children to do things that they wouldn't do to their partner. I told my dc to brush their teeth this morning... clearly I would expect my 50 year old DH to brush his teeth without me telling him. I also told my dd she had to take her medicine this morning. Am I a controlling mother?!

And cruel demands...what to have a shower?! Absolutely batshit

Working in education for 30 years does not qualify you to diagnose ADHD at all, let alone from a few posts on the internet.

Sounds like my 8 year old who has asd

I'm on my 3rd 10 year old and I've always said it's a difficult age . Mine has autistic traits but he wouldn't lay on the floor crying or cry over the colour of his brothers you

One of my older d's has ocd and counts everything. He's 26 now and wonders if he has adhd or asd. All mine have had some struggles socially , very small friendship groups etc so I do wondw4 now that ds4 has been diagnosed if all of them are on the spectrum

My 10 year old for a have anxiety , as does the 8 year old and the crying is quite a usual response we have from my 8 year old if he's anxious

I dont think he's ADHD etc and Ive worked in education 30 years. I think your unrealistic, somewhat cruel demands are the problem. You also don't seem to have any idea what children are like.

@Embroidery I very much doubt you work in education at all, with your very UNeducated comment. However, I DO work in education and I DO work with children with special educational needs. Asking a child, with or without any SEN to practice basic hygiene and have a shower is neither unrealistic or cruel. If you knew anything at all about children you would know that.

I would definitely ask my 10 year old to shower before cake if that's what needed to happen and I would expect him to do it - albeit with a small amount of grumbling/timewasting! He's not a bloody toddler.

OP, fair enough, if you don't know, you don't know. It's not appropriate to describe our behaviours online, but at least you didn't include a video. You could inform yourself, though. There's loads of information online which doesn't come with the added 'we'll scratch our eyes out' ingredient you find on mn.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle It's not appropriate to describe our behaviours online, but at least you didn't include a video. You’re on a parenting forum; people are going to discuss child development. What I have described is not offensive and has not been described in an offensive way. I genuinely don’t see what the problem is . It’s a parenting forum where people ask advice !

Embroidery, your posts are especially awful today. Really unhelpful, misinformed and downright cruel. Do us all a big favour and log off.