Thoughts on breastfeeding in public

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

I'm a BFing mum. Baby is around 3 months old. I haven't fed yet in front of many people or out in public. When I do, I try to latch him on discreetly but have only really done it in baby friendly places like baby groups. Then again I've answered the door with baby latched on

What were / are your experiences of BFing in public?

Any tips?

What do you think of mums who BF in public whether discreetly or less discreetly?

I was in the park the other day and another mum was discreetly lifting her top to bf her baby who then made such a racket getting latched on and getting feeding going that there was no hope of her ever being discreet about it. It really made me smile, babies have their own ideas about feeding and we just have to go with it don't we!

I was having coffee with my mum today, sitting outside in the sun, and looked down to find my baby had fallen asleep and my entire boob was just out and resting on her cheek. No idea how long it had been like that. But I've been breastfeeding for nearly 4 years altogether so I'm pretty sure everyone in my town has already seen my boobs at some point!

@Somethingsnappy

Thanks for the education.

I already know she was responding. I literally said that in my post.

I know there are other methods of comfort. That was what my lighthearted comment was saying.

Please point out to me where I said the mother should choose another method, or anything about the validity of breastfeeding toddlers. Once again, the exclamation mark used was supposed to denote 'lighthearted' as it is often used in written media.

You seemingly took my comment as an attack. I'm sorry you feel that way.

@Bobsyer. Thank you for clarifying. The lighthearted aspect was a bit too subtle for me on this occasion, but I'll let you off, you'll be relieved to hear

@RidingMyBike

I BF in public with zero problems - on public transport, cafes, pubs, at church, in the library. Even in a council meeting! Only ever got positive comments but I don't think most people noticed. Sometimes someone would offer to get me water. I BF in public to a year old, then only occasionally as DD only had one or two BFs a day after nine months (BF to 3.5 years) so there was no need to do it outside the house as it was usually when she first woke up and then at bedtime.

My baby was combi-fed and I did experience negativity about formula feeding, with some nasty comments and bullying at a BFing support group.

That was my experience, too, when I was using formula in an SNS to try to increase supply and then reverted to bottles — I had a couple of deeply unpleasant remarks intended to shame when I was ffing in public, and the BF group looked at me as if I were doing something strange and horrible, and the leader admitted she didn’t know what to do with someone whose best efforts to increase supply had failed.

I’ve got a three-month old too (congrats!) and have fed lots of places. From day one I wanted to get out once a day and only felt self-conscious the very first time (in a cafe), but I have a supportive partner and a lovely waitress brought me water and told us to take as long as we needed, despite there being a queue for tables.

I’ve tried nursing tops but tbh find they get in the way. Spent lots on button-down tops before realising that T-shirt’s are better, just lift up and I feel more covered as my chest isn’t exposed. I usually have a muslin to hand too, but honestly I don’t think anyone’s looking that closely.

Baby is starting to pull off to look around occasionally, so my reaction times are being tested to cover my nipple I know it doesn’t really matter but personally I’d rather not flash it at everyone, although absolute respect to the women who feel comfortable enough to do so!

@SeriouslyISuppose oh no, I'm sorry that happened to you too! I think the problem is BFing promotion - we were all told antenatally (at NHS class!) that formula is 'unnecessary' and that all women can BF, and it was made clear that the only acceptable 'choice' was to EBF. So having someone around whose baby's life was saved by formula and who never got more than 50% supply was too contradictory to what they'd been told!

I remember being told by another mum 'I really love my baby so I tried really hard to make EBF work' as though it was simply a matter of how much effort you were prepared to put in!

My DH is a bit funny about it. He said before something about me BFing in front of "everybody" after I fed in our home when my DM and DB were here!

Today he told me I shouldn't be feeding in the window - I was holding baby and walking around but at the time was standing with my back to the window. He had asked me to shut the blinds downstairs.

I'm like "I am feeding my baby in my own home!" And even then I am quite discreet, I think. No way would anyone be able to see my bare nipples from outside the house...

[quote RidingMyBike]@SeriouslyISuppose oh no, I'm sorry that happened to you too! I think the problem is BFing promotion - we were all told antenatally (at NHS class!) that formula is 'unnecessary' and that all women can BF, and it was made clear that the only acceptable 'choice' was to EBF. So having someone around whose baby's life was saved by formula and who never got more than 50% supply was too contradictory to what they'd been told!

I remember being told by another mum 'I really love my baby so I tried really hard to make EBF work' as though it was simply a matter of how much effort you were prepared to put in! [/quote]
Yes, I think it comes from that, and this somehow makes it a still-acceptable reason to be openly and publicly judgemental.

I’ve also had people tell me on here that statistically it’s highly unlikely I had no supply, and that women use this as an ‘excuse’. When in fact my desperate attempts to BF — and pumping to no avail, and using an SNS with nipple shields and formula was awful, and meant I felt trapped at home — were a huge part of how difficult the early months were, and made things much harder than they would have been otherwise.

It was an unspeakably miserable experience.

@SeriouslyISuppose yep, BFing put my baby into hospital seriously ill with dehydration, wrecked our first months together and gave me severe PND and yet there is no acknowledge in the way it's promoted that it's nothing but good, amazing and entirely beneficial
If it was a product there's no way they could get away with the claims they make about it. Nominally I'm a 'success' - I BF to 3.5 years in the end but it's the one thing about the baby year I really regret doing and I only did it because I felt under too much pressure to stop and switch entirely to formula.

I had no problem whatsoever BFing in public. I just made made sure I had a scarf or something to cover us. I fed him whenever he needed. I was never embarrassed and nobody ever commented on it.

Don’t worry about it no one cares

I fed everywhere and only got nice comments

It does seem to come down to how much support is given to encourage women to keep going, not just to address the physical issues that are happening, as well as prepare new mums that breastfeeding often takes 6-10 weeks to work well. Women need to have low expectations and be told it'll potentially be awfully difficult for various reasons for the first two months but in most cases the issues can be resolved.

I had an incident today at an outdoor cafe. Baby was feeding and a child of about five said, as was walking by, "daddy I think that baby is having a bite to eat" (don't know any five yo who would use that
phrase but was super cute!) and the man looked over and then looked back at his son and said "indeed" and we both went red. I don't think he meant to look it was a reflex! But a family on the next bench over shot me disgusted glances and tutted once the child walking past had drawn attention to me feeding.

@Flittingaboutagain well that was sweet of the child and I agree a funny way for a child to express it! How rude of the other family though?! I hope it didn't bother you

It did make me feel uncomfortable but not enough to immediately leave. I had a cover over us both too

I was 16 and feeding my dd in a restaurant and a tiny old wrinkled woman came up to me and said I'm doing an amazing job. She was lovely. I still think of her fondly. I've never had a bad reaction from strangers.

I didn't breast feed in public when I had babies in the 1970' era, as women usually thought it was better to be done in private. It was just the way it was thought about in those days. Not that it was thought about as being shameful etc, or there was any notices up saying don't breast feed here etc. It was seen as a cosy, personal thing, to breast feed in a private way.

Attitudes have changed these days, and it's commonplace to see young women breast feeding all over the place now. but maybe it bothers some older ladies, who don't like to observe this, as it just wasn't done in their younger days. It's always the case, when you are comparing bigger generation gaps,with what they did,and what is the norm now with lots of things.

I have to be honest and say seeing bfing in public over the age of 18 months or so makes me feel a bit 🤢🤮 but I can also acknowledge that there’s nothing really wrong with it and it’s my problem, obviously I’m just a product of the societal norm.

Although I have to say:
I only really had one proper staring incident it was a man at a close by table in the cafe in marks and spencer. Dd2 promptly vomited all over the floor and it almost reached his feet. That stopped him!!
Makes me feel quite ill. Everyone says there’s no hygiene risk but this is one - and a reason not to bf in swimming pools, or anywhere in very close quarters with another person, particularly if you have a sicky baby. Another woman’s regurgitated breastmilk no thanks 😷

realyorkshiretea Why is a baby vomiting breast milk particularly unpleasant, more so than a formula fed baby?

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

realyorkshiretea Why is a baby vomiting breast milk particularly unpleasant, more so than a formula fed baby?

Didn’t say it was.

But it’s a human bodily fluid, which naturally is a bit more gross

Preferably, I wouldn’t be vomited on at all, breastmilk or otherwise

But it’s a human bodily fluid, which naturally is a bit more gross

Is it? Why is it more of a hygiene risk than other vomit? I’d imagine the vomit of someone unwell with a virus would be more harmful than some milk sick from a baby

@Stri

But it’s a human bodily fluid, which naturally is a bit more gross

Is it? Why is it more of a hygiene risk than other vomit? I’d imagine the vomit of someone unwell with a virus would be more harmful than some milk sick from a baby

Seriously? You’re going to press me because on a balance I would be 1% more grossed out by somebody vomiting regurgitated bodily fluids onto me than just food? 🙄

Do we have to acknowledge the superior quality of vomit when it has breastmilk in now?!

Although I have to say:
I only really had one proper staring incident it was a man at a close by table in the cafe in marks and spencer. Dd2 promptly vomited all over the floor and it almost reached his feet. That stopped him!!
Makes me feel quite ill. Everyone says there’s no hygiene risk but this is one - and a reason not to bf in swimming pools, or anywhere in very close quarters with another person, particularly if you have a sicky baby. Another woman’s regurgitated breastmilk no thanks 😷

^ I don't see a hygiene risk here. Certainly this is no way near as bad as a hungover 20 something vomiting after a night out and I don't stare at them!

@WTF475878237NC

Although I have to say: I only really had one proper staring incident it was a man at a close by table in the cafe in marks and spencer. Dd2 promptly vomited all over the floor and it almost reached his feet. That stopped him!! Makes me feel quite ill. Everyone says there’s no hygiene risk but this is one - and a reason not to bf in swimming pools, or anywhere in very close quarters with another person, particularly if you have a sicky baby. Another woman’s regurgitated breastmilk no thanks 😷

^ I don't see a hygiene risk here. Certainly this is no way near as bad as a hungover 20 something vomiting after a night out and I don't stare at them!

Urine is sterile. Would you be happy & fine with it if somebody urinated on the floor next to you? Of course not. Whether that’s a hungover student, adult desperately in need of a piss or a bf baby puking up. None of us want to see it or have it come near us, you can’t think that is unreasonable?!