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Original poster

Thoughts on breastfeeding in public

154 replies

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 09/09/2021 09:59

I'm a BFing mum. Baby is around 3 months old. I haven't fed yet in front of many people or out in public. When I do, I try to latch him on discreetly but have only really done it in baby friendly places like baby groups. Then again I've answered the door with baby latched on Grin

What were / are your experiences of BFing in public?

Any tips?

What do you think of mums who BF in public whether discreetly or less discreetly?

OP posts:
SeriouslyISuppose · 09/09/2021 13:35

@twinningatlife

Personally I didn't feel Comfortable but I had twins so couldn't really cover up discretely. I'm all for breastfeeding in public if you want to do it but sitting their basically naked from the waist up with everything on show I personally think is a bit "look at me" and goady - I've seen women do it with almost this smug look daring people to complain/take offence so that they can then post on social media that they were outraged at being asked to cover up. Just because we have a legal right to do something like breastfeeding in public doesn't mean we can't be respectful when we do do it
What is it you believe you are being ‘respectful’ of? Other people’s prejudices?
SeriouslyISuppose · 09/09/2021 13:39

@TwinsandTrifle

I think it all depends. You can easily breastfeed a baby without drawing attention to yourself. It's when people draw attention then get all "oh my god, what's your problem, this is just nature, you can just, you know, not look" that I eyeroll.

I bf DTwins out and about. Discretely. I had a feeding cover, so you'd know from that I was bf but you couldn't see anything. Vs a woman I saw on a bench in our local park gardens in the summer. With her vest top round her waist both sides. The baby latched on to one breast. The other, just out. This is completely unnecessary. And massively draws attention. I did a double take. Because it's human for your gaze to be taken by something you weren't expecting. Lots of people did the same. And she snapped at a man (who was looking no more than I had) "it's called feeding my child get over it". Sorry, no. What you're doing with your left breast is. The other is flashing. And you know it. Don't dress it up as breastfeeding.

99% of women manage to breast feed completely normally, respectful of themselves, their surroundings and others within them. There's a minority who don't, only they know why, and try and use the golden word of "breast feeding" to behave a certain way then deliberately act professionally offended.

Again, this deeply odd misuse of the word ‘respect’? How is it possible to bf while ‘respecting’ or indeed ‘disrespecting’ yourself?

And you’re confused about ‘flashing’, which is showing your genital, usually male ones, in public for sexual kicks.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/09/2021 13:39

I fed wherever and whenever babies needed it.

Shops, cafes, church, museums, trains, planes, beach, zoo, bank, soft play etc.

Never had a problem. Sometimes got offered a cushion or a drink fetched.

I think no more of babies eating in public than I do anyone else.

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LaBellina · 09/09/2021 13:45

I think breastfeeding in public is absolutely fine as long as you’re not fully exposing yourself…I was once sat on an airplane next to a breastfeeding mother who put her baby in the bassinet after feeding, then went to have a nap herself with her top still down whilst sleeping, both her breasts fully exposed for everyone to see. I thought that was pretty odd and distasteful behavior.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/09/2021 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

SeriouslyISuppose · 09/09/2021 13:47

@LaBellina

I think breastfeeding in public is absolutely fine as long as you’re not fully exposing yourself…I was once sat on an airplane next to a breastfeeding mother who put her baby in the bassinet after feeding, then went to have a nap herself with her top still down whilst sleeping, both her breasts fully exposed for everyone to see. I thought that was pretty odd and distasteful behavior.
Isn’t it more likely that she just dropped off in exhaustion from dealing with a small baby without actually planning to take a topless nap?
LaBellina · 09/09/2021 13:51

@MajorCarolDanvers

I actually find these stories of woman exposing themselves rather difficult to believe.

Also rather strange to share them on a thread about feeding babies.

Odd.

I find your negative post that contributed absolutely nothing to the question that the OP asked, rather odd.
LaBellina · 09/09/2021 13:52

No idea @SeriouslyISuppose but it would make me rather uncomfortable to sit like that and the flight attendant also had a Confused on her face.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/09/2021 13:53

I breastfed both my DCs. (Now young adults). I wore loose tops or buttoned shirts and always had a muslin in the bag. I remember DSs first “public” feed was at DDs school and I was sitting feeding him when the head came over and asked if she could meet the baby. She hasn’t even realised he was actually feeding! It really is yup that easy to keep it discreet. I’ve fed mine in pubs, in church, in the park, in friends homes… all over the place. Only ONCE did somebody complain and that was in the GP waiting room. I’d finished feeding and it wasn’t until I was winding the baby that a “lady” noticed and said “did you just feed that baby in here?” and went and complained to the receptionist! She hadn’t even noticed while I was ACTUALLY feeding!

Whenever I do notice a breastfeeding baby i think it’s wonderful! I know it doesn’t make DH or even 18 year old DS uncomfortable either.

Somethingsnappy · 09/09/2021 13:54

I've been feeding for 7 years now OP (not the same child... 4 kids). I've never had a bad reaction to public BF, but then I don't pay much attention to what's going on around me and probably wouldn't notice or care if I had.

LaMadrilena · 09/09/2021 13:55

I've been breastfeeding 3 months now - we go to the park, shopping centres etc and have never had a problem. I try to be discreet but sometimes flash a bit of nipple out of sheer clumsiness. Once the baby is latched on, you can't really see anything unless you're hovering above, or if she plays up and turns/lifts her head etc. The first time I fed her in the park I admit I hid behind a bush, but now I just do it wherever! No one's ever said anything. Not even the passing adolescent boys give us a second glance!

Sceptre86 · 09/09/2021 13:56

I breastfed my eldest dd and fed anywhere. I tried to latch her on discreetely but it didn't always work. I very rarely used a covering, only when she latched on and off. Otherwise her head would cover most of my breast and I used nursing tops. I didn't really care what anyone thought as she needed fed.

DoubleEx · 09/09/2021 13:56

I did it literally wherever and whenever I needed to. On the tube, in a museum, in the park, in the swimming pool, in a shop, in a restaurant… No one ever said anything to me about it. But if they had done, I would’ve told them to fuck off.

Thegirlhasnoname · 09/09/2021 13:57

I’ve been BFing almost solidly since the end of 2018 (apart from a few months at the end of my pregnancy with now 7 month old) and have never had anything negative said to me. My favourite way to do it is one up, one down but that’s mainly because I don’t want a cold tummy

The only thing ever said to me was by an elderly gentleman on a towpath. Was staring at me whilst I sat on a bench and smiling but then came over and was like “well done!” Still creeped me a little but good intentions

Oddly enough I don’t have any qualms about feeding but feel very uncomfortable wearing anything showing the tops of my arms. Boobs no problem though 😂

Flittingaboutagain · 09/09/2021 13:59

I've just started breastfeeding my baby in public. So far I've had a mum say to her son who was around 10 and on a bench opposite me "are you OK sitting there seeing that?" And a man say to the woman he was with in a cafe behind me "it's just not something I want to see though" so I presume she said about it being natural etc but I didn't hear that bit.

I'm already trying to cover up but sometimes she fusses and my whole boob gets exposed and that's just not something I feel able to handle out and about knowing people must be looking already!

Keroppi · 09/09/2021 14:05

As someone large of norkGrin, dainty nursing vests didn't really cut it for me. I tried to be as discreet as I could but didn't worry about it.

My FIL used to get all awkward and leave the room or stare very hard at his phone, but he was more embarrassed/prudish rather than malicious. Me and MIL used to laugh and reassure him it was fine. Sometimes I would leave the room anyway just so I had time out to be on my phone or have a nap and drink brought to me.

When DC were newborn I did prefer being in a seperate space to feed, or somewhere less busy if out, just because of the faff of learning to latch, holding my boob, readjusting nipple pads etc.

Once they got older it got easier and we were both more confident feeders, but then they went through the nosy, popping off to look at everyone phase!

SlamLikeAGuitar · 09/09/2021 14:06

I’m nearly 2 years into feeding my youngest, and have always fed her anythwere and everywhere and have never used a cover.

TheyreTheSamePicture · 09/09/2021 14:09

@MajorCarolDanvers

I fed wherever and whenever babies needed it.

Shops, cafes, church, museums, trains, planes, beach, zoo, bank, soft play etc.

Never had a problem. Sometimes got offered a cushion or a drink fetched.

I think no more of babies eating in public than I do anyone else.

This is so true - it’s literally just a baby eating. Nothing more, nothing less.

How people get offended or upset about it I will never understand. I see far more disgusting eating habits by adults ~I’m looking at you, man who was sharing his Greggs pasty with his dog~

PurBal · 09/09/2021 14:10

I cover up for other people not for me. I breastfed my baby whilst walking from the doctors waiting room to the treatment room. The doctor who had come to call me didn’t notice until she realised I was struggling to push the pram. I’m beyond caring what people think to be honest.

Assssssssssss · 09/09/2021 14:10

As they get older they pull the covers off but who cares breastfeeding is so normal and natural. I fed for 4 years in total and was very proud of myself

DramaAlpaca · 09/09/2021 14:15

I breastfed all of mine in public back in the 90s. I was a bit nervous about it as a first time mum, but got over it. I was always very discreet but that was my choice. I never once got a negative comment. In fact, the only negative comments about breastfeeding I evef got were from DM and MIL.

Mintjulia · 09/09/2021 14:28

Mostly good. I only had two negative experiences.

One was in a busy motorway services carpark. Ds needed feeding so I got into the back of my car where the windows are tinted, and fed him there. Very discreet but a weird man came and pressed his face against the side window to watch which was unnerving.

The other when I was asked (told) to leave a Midlands branch of a large famous coffee chain. This was in 2009 so I hope things have improved a bit. If they tried that today, I'd happily to share their name and branch (and the name of the manager) with the entire social media world.

Oddly, a male family member came across me b/feeding ds in a quiet corner at a wedding and said 'Christ, that's a bit mediaeval isn't it!' Hmm

VoyageInTheDark · 09/09/2021 14:31

With dd1 I felt too self conscious to bf in public and it really restricted me in terms of going out. With dd2, after spending so much time at home with lockdowns, I've made a real effort to feed wherever I happen to be - parks, cafes, soft play etc and no one has given me any problems.

IM0GEN · 09/09/2021 14:35

Babies have human rights , they are allowed to eat in public.

Sparklingbrook · 09/09/2021 14:43

I didn’t manage to BF for very long (huge struggle and very painful) but I really didn’t want to do it when I was out. Didn’t want to get my boobs out anywhere but home. Or in the car.
Nothing to do with anyone else’s reactions, it’s just how I felt about myself.
Not everyone wants to.