Thoughts on breastfeeding in public

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

I'm a BFing mum. Baby is around 3 months old. I haven't fed yet in front of many people or out in public. When I do, I try to latch him on discreetly but have only really done it in baby friendly places like baby groups. Then again I've answered the door with baby latched on

What were / are your experiences of BFing in public?

Any tips?

What do you think of mums who BF in public whether discreetly or less discreetly?

Again, this deeply odd misuse of the word ‘respect’? How is it possible to bf while ‘respecting’ or indeed ‘disrespecting’ yourself?

I think it's kind of clear with the example I gave. Acting respectfully is nothing to do with the act of breastfeeding. It's about the adults behaviour. As you well know. Acting respectfully is not sitting with a whole breast out, while a baby feeds from the other, in a public park, claiming it's "because breast feeding." It's not. It's breastfeeding entirely topless. If you can't understand why it's not respectful to be topless in a public place, then ok. I mean you obviously know why, but we're having to pretend it's ok because the word "breastfeeding" has been attached to the scenario.

And you’re confused about ‘flashing’, which is showing your genital, usually male ones, in public for sexual kicks.. No dear, I'm not confused. We don't walk down the street topless, or sit bare breasted in parks, because it's classed as indecent. Here's that niggly word respect again. Those that are respectful of themselves and others (and the law) wouldn't behave that way. Again, as you well know. But by all means, please continue to deliberately misunderstand that if you're breastfeeding a child you don't need your other breast completely bare and exposed.

As I said, 99% of people can just get on with it without trying to attract attention to themselves. And a minority deliberately don't, then thinking they're terribly clever by pearl clutching about just feeding their baby, if someone looks at the palava they're putting on.

It's like those who wear outlandish clothes. I mean good for them, having the confidence, but honestly, no one really cares. Then whilst striding down the street in 8 inch red platforms, and a rainbow mohawk, snapping "problem??!!" at anyone who's attention is caught. No, there's no problem, but you know full well it's human nature to look at the unusual, so grow up a bit and sure, dress how you like, but don't pretend you don't know it's going to draw attention, and bite off people's heads for that inevitably happening.

I never got any comments bf in public. Most people don't. Because most people aren't looking for a point to prove, and most observers really don't care that you're bf. If you get a rogue comment, then you've probably just encountered one of the few people that have a problem with it. If you're getting repeated comments, then I'd suggest looking at what you are actually doing, as this is not the normal experience for bf mothers. So it's not the bf causing an issue, despite the fact you may be bf at the time.

Fed my first, as far as I could tell nobody cared. Feeding my six week old, again, as far as I can tell nobody cares.

@IM0GEN

Babies have human rights , they are allowed to eat in public.

And this is the crux of the matter, isn't it, when all is said and done. Quite right.

@TwinsandTrifle

Again, this deeply odd misuse of the word ‘respect’? How is it possible to bf while ‘respecting’ or indeed ‘disrespecting’ yourself?

I think it's kind of clear with the example I gave. Acting respectfully is nothing to do with the act of breastfeeding. It's about the adults behaviour. As you well know. Acting respectfully is not sitting with a whole breast out, while a baby feeds from the other, in a public park, claiming it's "because breast feeding." It's not. It's breastfeeding entirely topless. If you can't understand why it's not respectful to be topless in a public place, then ok. I mean you obviously know why, but we're having to pretend it's ok because the word "breastfeeding" has been attached to the scenario.

And you’re confused about ‘flashing’, which is showing your genital, usually male ones, in public for sexual kicks.. No dear, I'm not confused. We don't walk down the street topless, or sit bare breasted in parks, because it's classed as indecent. Here's that niggly word respect again. Those that are respectful of themselves and others (and the law) wouldn't behave that way. Again, as you well know. But by all means, please continue to deliberately misunderstand that if you're breastfeeding a child you don't need your other breast completely bare and exposed.

As I said, 99% of people can just get on with it without trying to attract attention to themselves. And a minority deliberately don't, then thinking they're terribly clever by pearl clutching about just feeding their baby, if someone looks at the palava they're putting on.

It's like those who wear outlandish clothes. I mean good for them, having the confidence, but honestly, no one really cares. Then whilst striding down the street in 8 inch red platforms, and a rainbow mohawk, snapping "problem??!!" at anyone who's attention is caught. No, there's no problem, but you know full well it's human nature to look at the unusual, so grow up a bit and sure, dress how you like, but don't pretend you don't know it's going to draw attention, and bite off people's heads for that inevitably happening.

I never got any comments bf in public. Most people don't. Because most people aren't looking for a point to prove, and most observers really don't care that you're bf. If you get a rogue comment, then you've probably just encountered one of the few people that have a problem with it. If you're getting repeated comments, then I'd suggest looking at what you are actually doing, as this is not the normal experience for bf mothers. So it's not the bf causing an issue, despite the fact you may be bf at the time.

I’ve never witnessed any of the behaviour you have described in real life..

@TwinsandTrifle

Again, this deeply odd misuse of the word ‘respect’? How is it possible to bf while ‘respecting’ or indeed ‘disrespecting’ yourself?

I think it's kind of clear with the example I gave. Acting respectfully is nothing to do with the act of breastfeeding. It's about the adults behaviour. As you well know. Acting respectfully is not sitting with a whole breast out, while a baby feeds from the other, in a public park, claiming it's "because breast feeding." It's not. It's breastfeeding entirely topless. If you can't understand why it's not respectful to be topless in a public place, then ok. I mean you obviously know why, but we're having to pretend it's ok because the word "breastfeeding" has been attached to the scenario.

And you’re confused about ‘flashing’, which is showing your genital, usually male ones, in public for sexual kicks.. No dear, I'm not confused. We don't walk down the street topless, or sit bare breasted in parks, because it's classed as indecent. Here's that niggly word respect again. Those that are respectful of themselves and others (and the law) wouldn't behave that way. Again, as you well know. But by all means, please continue to deliberately misunderstand that if you're breastfeeding a child you don't need your other breast completely bare and exposed.

As I said, 99% of people can just get on with it without trying to attract attention to themselves. And a minority deliberately don't, then thinking they're terribly clever by pearl clutching about just feeding their baby, if someone looks at the palava they're putting on.

It's like those who wear outlandish clothes. I mean good for them, having the confidence, but honestly, no one really cares. Then whilst striding down the street in 8 inch red platforms, and a rainbow mohawk, snapping "problem??!!" at anyone who's attention is caught. No, there's no problem, but you know full well it's human nature to look at the unusual, so grow up a bit and sure, dress how you like, but don't pretend you don't know it's going to draw attention, and bite off people's heads for that inevitably happening.

I never got any comments bf in public. Most people don't. Because most people aren't looking for a point to prove, and most observers really don't care that you're bf. If you get a rogue comment, then you've probably just encountered one of the few people that have a problem with it. If you're getting repeated comments, then I'd suggest looking at what you are actually doing, as this is not the normal experience for bf mothers. So it's not the bf causing an issue, despite the fact you may be bf at the time.

I think it’s mildly disturbing that you’re equating bf to walking around in 8-inch red platforms and a Mohawk. The ‘unusual’ must mean something very different in your world. What a lot of bile you seem to be generating for people who don’t do things your way.

You’re confused about the law. It is not illegal to be publicly topless, or indeed nude, in the UK — Scotland has slightly different laws, but the main drift is the same, it’s only illegal if the person stripped with the intent to upset and shock. A complainant has to prove this. Good luck proving that a woman breastfeeding her baby in a park in a way you personally consider ‘indiscreet’ is doing so to harass, frighten or intimidate passers by.

I personally don’t have an issue with mother’s breastfeeding in public, I’m female. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest and I would hope other people would give that mum the privacy she needed and not be rude and stare.

It's great when women do this in public, as they wish, 'discreet' or not.

I would have really welcomed seeing others doing it. It would have helped me years ago when I started.

I breastfed everywhere. Had those double layer tops so it was very discrete - def wasn't comfortable whipping a whole boob out.

I live in NYC though, so you'd have to do a lot more than that to raise an eyebrow .

With my first DD I would lock myself away in the toilets and feed, I cringe at that now. DC 2 I was a bit more relaxed, but never in public - if we were out I would go back to the car or actively time activities between feeds. DC 3 much more relaxed, comfortable, fed discretely in cafe's, in front of friends etc. I think I matured a lot myself. And I never ever had a bad word said to me, or a funny look ever.

I feed anywhere I need to, never noticed any comments or judgement. I didn’t make the effort to be particularly discreet either. But I’m not shocked by breasts either. I happily go topless on holiday, they’re just boobs (and yes I use the mumsnet hated word boob. I don’t care. Boob, boob, boob).

DD still BFs at 2, although rarely when out as she doesn’t ask. But I would feed her anywhere I felt comfortable.

I generally wore a vest and did “one up, one down” but that was to keep me warm and comfy. Not for discretion.

I did once answer the door to the postman when DD was tiny with boobs out post feed that was unintentional, poor man!

I BFed DD on the roadside while the Olympic flame went past, I turned my back for a few seconds while she latched on, that's all. AFAIK it's not illegal to feed your baby. Surely a crying baby is more upsetting than a quietly feeding baby. Anyone who thinks otherwise has got their priorities wrong.

I fed mine absolutely everywhere, for ages. He was a total addict (HV described him as 'a very booby baby' and I just wore baggy t-shirts that I could hoik up and then drape to cover myself a bit. I never had a negative comment, although I did get some startled looks and giggles from a group of young girls who came across me feeding him at the top of a mountain! The best reaction was when my dad was in hospital and the only place I could find to sit down was a seat in the packed hospital canteen - a group of four junior doctors sort of hovered until they caught my eye and gave me a mass thumbs-up, which made a very difficult day a little bit brighter.

I fed through toddlerhood and beyond, although as he got older I stopped feeding him in public (unless he'd fallen and hurt himself) just because people can be weird about extended BF and I didn't want the aggro. I did get to the point where I cound just pop him on without people realising though - I was practically a breastfdeeding ninja by the end! I had a whole consultation with my dad's nutritionist at one point, and it was only when he popped off at the end that she went 'Oh!! I hadn't realised!'

I do wish I'd seen more women breastfeeding in public before I started, though, as I was terribly anxious about it at first. It definitely needs to be more normalised.

I think it’s mildly disturbing that you’re equating bf to walking around in 8-inch red platforms and a Mohawk. The ‘unusual’ must mean something very different in your world. What a lot of bile you seem to be generating for people who don’t do things your way.

You couldn't be proving my point any more perfectly. Pretending that it's the bf because a completely topless woman happened to be bf at the time.

No no, it's comparing behaviour that is not what you see every day, such as sitting topless in a park with wearing something bright and unusual, as both will of course attract attention. The fact that the woman sat topless with her other breast out entirely uncovered, has got nothing to do with breastfeeding. It's someone doing something completely unnecessary whilst bf, that will knowingly cause that reaction, then pretending it's part of breast feeding.

But, please, continue to pretend that it's the bf at question, you couldn't be a more perfect example of what I'm talking about

Personally I was happy to BF in public (happier than I thought I would be beforehand) but I didn't want to let it all hang out. I wore layers so I could usually do one up one over - so a BF vest top (usually H&M) with a loose shirt over it. That meant I could feed quite discreetly and not really flash much boob except when getting it out and putting it away. I always had a muslin to drape over as well.

I’ve never witnessed any of the behaviour you have described in real life

Again, my point. It's not something that's part of bf, or it wouldn't be unusual. That's why it's attention seeking. To sit in a public park, entirely topless. No one gives a toss that a baby is being fed, they wouldn't bat an eyelid at that. That's not what they're looking at.

As long as it’s discrete then no problems. If it’s not you are being totally unfair to other people around you and it’s no wonder people kick off about it

It doesn't bother me at all, I wasn't comfortable enough to do it myself though. I won't change in public changing rooms or anything like that either though.

I don't give it a thought.
Go ahead and do it. Everywhere. I've breastfed on plane journeys and had the cabin crew congratulate me on my baby 'sleeping all the way through the journey', when she was never asleep at all. If you are confident and discreet, no-one knows. A cardigan/shirt and top you can pull up will draw less attention than the shawl people seem to want to throw over themselves and their babies.
Discretion is about you and the baby being comfortable, not anyone else. If people don't like it, they can lump it.

Newborn to 3-fine
Older than 3, they should be able to wait until home.

@Chloemol

As long as it’s discrete then no problems. If it’s not you are being totally unfair to other people around you and it’s no wonder people kick off about it

What would be your definition of discrete? Not being goady by the way. I'm genuinely interested, since it's probably quite subjective.

@Alwaysfuckingsick

Newborn to 3-fine Older than 3, they should be able to wait until home.

What if it’s a day trip? Or if they need comfort?.

I fed all of mine and had no problems, but I didn’t get my whole boob out, which seems to be used a lot now. I was as discreet as I could be.
If I was in a cafe etc I’d sit facing the wall so less people would see.

@Chloemol

As long as it’s discrete then no problems. If it’s not you are being totally unfair to other people around you and it’s no wonder people kick off about it

Can I ask what you’d consider not discreet? By nature breastfeeding is discreet. The baby’s head covers most of the breast, so there’s nothing much to see other than that. And if you do see someone feeding their child, look elsewhere. ‘Kicking off’ about a baby eating seems a strange thing to do

I breastfed my son in public whenever needed. I didn't bother with any elaborate clothing setups - I get hot easily so layers of clothes don't work for me really (like the vest under T shirt) plus pulling my T shirt up would mean having to hold it there throughout the feed or the fabric was rolling down on DS's face. Just to spare someone blushes of possibly seeing a bit of chest flesh? No thanks.
I mostly fed in a sling when out and about anyway and enjoyed the fact I could have my hands free for whatever else I was doing.

I've never once seen any exhibitionist behaviour mentioned here and find it bizarre how routinely it's mentioned in connection with "respectful" breastfeeding. I do remember that in the early days before we fully figured it out getting a good latch and positioning required lots of effort including sometimes revealing more flesh than you intended, for a few moments. People harping on about how feeding in public is ok just do it "respectfully" or some such are piling on lots of anxiety on inexperienced mums new to breastfeeding.

I fed DD everywhere. I've never seen any of the fabled MN exhibitionist breastfeeders in my life. Or if they were around I didn't notice.

I liked a nursing vest under a T-shirt so I could pull one up, the other down, and not expose my wobbly post-section tummy. I found that more worrying than someone seeing a nip