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Original poster

My DC won't let me post a front door photo of them going back to school!

140 replies

bigbeachedwales · 08/09/2021 17:48

All over my Facebook are photos of my friends' kids looking cute by a front door in uniform. My DD is refusing point blank to let me post one of her. I told her it's just because I'm proud but she's still saying no. We got talking about permission/consent. Does she have to give permission for me to post her photo? She's 10. Or would she have to consent to me posting it? I'm not going to, just in case I'm roasted on here, but I'm now just interested in the rules.

OP posts:

TillyTopper · 09/09/2021 08:41

One of my kids was like this (still is - now 20). I stopped posting pics of him and he didn't want his pic taken at all, my other DS was happy to continue. Honestly when I look back now I miss the memories of the one that wouldn't allow it. It actually makes me quite sad (the no pics bit, not about Fbook).

We recently had a family event where we were asked for timeline family pics - and my DS complained there was nothing of him! Well yeah that's what happens when you kick off about having your pic taken.

bigbluebus · 09/09/2021 08:48

My DS hates having his photo taken at all and thankfully when he was younger people didn't post this stuff on Facebook. He will occasionally be in photos and allow us to put them on Facebook now but only after he's seen the picture and approved it. We respect that. We have both 1st day at Primary and 1st day at Secondary school photos - just not available for public view.

Newbabynewhouse · 09/09/2021 08:57

You should definitely respect her decision... like others have said, why do you so desperately want to post a pic of your child on social media when she doesn't want u to do it? What's the point?.. surely the happiness of your kids is more important than what people on FB think? I think listening to her will make her feel she can trust you if u do it anyway she won't...and again like other PPs have said, it teaches her that people's decisions and preferences don't need to be respected and that not giving consent doesn't need to be respected...

VanishingWitch · 09/09/2021 08:57

DS is autistic and he refuses to have his photo taken. I have a few where he's in the distance and didn't know I'd taken them, but they're just for me & DH to keep and not for sharing anywhere or with anyone else.

I had a real struggle to persuade him to let me take an official photo he needed for ID - we nearly had to give up and he wouldn't have let anyone else take the photo.

Branleuse · 09/09/2021 09:28

Hardly the crime of the century to want to post a pic of your kids on back to school day. I really love that every year ive got in my facebook memories them growing up and the changes year to year. These sort of photos along with school photos are absolutely more for the benefit of the parents and the rest of the family than they are for the kid, but you could say that for a lot of things.
Would they let you do it if you promised not to post it on social media or did a very limited audience?

Hemingwaycat · 09/09/2021 09:32

I got rid of social media last year and I feel much better for it. Now I just send the photos to grandparents and I feel much happier about it. You don’t need to post photos online.

idontlikealdi · 09/09/2021 09:50

My ten year olds have asked me but to put them on FB or Insta. They think it's horrifically ours dated. I respect what they want. They're happy with sticking themselves all over their very heavily restricted TikTok

idontlikealdi · 09/09/2021 09:51

@Branleuse

Hardly the crime of the century to want to post a pic of your kids on back to school day. I really love that every year ive got in my facebook memories them growing up and the changes year to year. These sort of photos along with school photos are absolutely more for the benefit of the parents and the rest of the family than they are for the kid, but you could say that for a lot of things. Would they let you do it if you promised not to post it on social media or did a very limited audience?

Google photos is brilliant for this

Sakura7 · 09/09/2021 09:55

I don't really understand why you're upset OP. She's 10 (are first day photos still a thing at this age?) and she doesn't want it. If she's willing to have a photo taken then just keep it for yourself, why is it important that it's plastered all over Facebook?

YourFinestPantaloons · 09/09/2021 09:58

FGS respect her wishes, you don't need to post anything on SM, what are you afraid will happen if you don't post a front door pic?

SD1978 · 09/09/2021 10:08

Legally, no. Morally, yes. Would you like someone posting a photo of you you'd specifically said no to? You have the photo, the whole world doesn't need to see it on Facebook to make it meaningful..........

ElizabethG81 · 09/09/2021 10:08

I have photos of my children from the first day back at school every year. None of them have been posted on Facebook and we're all fine.

She's 10, she knows her own mind and she sounds sensible. Although you can legally continue to broadcast her life on social media, I wouldn't recommend it as she'll become increasingly pissed off with you.

SmallSilverElephant · 09/09/2021 10:14

My daughter is 15 and has just gone into year 11. I always take a photo of her but haven't shared on online since she was in year 5 because she asked me not to.

This year she said I could, so I did.

No, there's nothing special about seeing stone else's child in a school uniform but it's nice to see her friends photos akd howuch they've all changed over the years they've known each other.

My fb is private and I only have people I actually know on there, most of whom haven't her anyway so no safeguarding issues.

I don't post any photos of her otherwise because she doesn't want me to. And I respect that.

longwayoff · 09/09/2021 10:20

Leave it out, OP, legally you don't require consent but, as a functioning parent and human being, give some consideration to how your daughter feels. If she says No, it's No. A useful thing for her to know for the future.

LimeRedBanana · 09/09/2021 10:56

@Branleuse

Hardly the crime of the century to want to post a pic of your kids on back to school day. I really love that every year ive got in my facebook memories them growing up and the changes year to year. These sort of photos along with school photos are absolutely more for the benefit of the parents and the rest of the family than they are for the kid, but you could say that for a lot of things. Would they let you do it if you promised not to post it on social media or did a very limited audience?

Print the photo, put it in an album, and you have the memory whenever you want to look at it. Not just once a year.

Why is the FB ‘memory’ that comes up annually any more precious?!

It’s really not.

The whole thing is so contrived.

LittleMysSister · 09/09/2021 10:58

Obviously you don't 'need' her consent but if she's not comfortable with it then you just don't do it :-/

LittleMysSister · 09/09/2021 10:59

You can still have photos of her for yourself and your family?

Pinkspecs · 09/09/2021 11:01

I find it a bit weird that you feel you need to put them on there so much.
It's just social media, just respect her wishes.

reluctantbrit · 09/09/2021 11:30

I am asking DD for permission for several years now, 8-9 I think. Normally I show her the photo but sometimes she point black refuses and then the matter is settled.

Feel proud that she feels confident enough to say no to you.

Original poster

bigbeachedwales · 09/09/2021 17:12

Thanks all. Great advice. (From some of you). Judgemental shite though from many of you. And I absolutely do not believe you don't post photos of your kids online. You're just being smug and sanctimonious. Mumsnet is full of this. Saying one thing online to make you feel more superior.

OP posts:

WhatsTheBFD · 09/09/2021 17:23

Only the ones they say I can. It’s basic. I’d go nuts if someone posted a photo of me that I didn’t like.

shallIswim · 09/09/2021 17:24

I absolutely don't post without permission. Mind you this must-post-a picture-nonsense-otherwise-it-hasn't-happened nonsense wasn't a thing when mine were at primary school.
Why don't you do what we have abs have a family photostream available to family subscribers and invitees? That way only the important people get to see the pics. Mine have never objected to that. It's just the ransoms who would see the pics they objected to (at secondary school)

DirectionToPerfection · 09/09/2021 17:29

Actually OP, lots of people don't feel the need to plaster their lives (or their kids) all over social media. Showing quite a judgemental attitude yourself there.

Farfalle88 · 09/09/2021 17:33

What is this madness! Why do you feel the need to post about these things on facebook anyway?

FelicityPike · 09/09/2021 17:33

My 6 year old started asking me last year not to put photos on Facebook. So I did what she asked. It’s her photo.

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