Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My DC won't let me post a front door photo of them going back to school!

140 replies

bigbeachedwales · 08/09/2021 17:48

All over my Facebook are photos of my friends' kids looking cute by a front door in uniform. My DD is refusing point blank to let me post one of her. I told her it's just because I'm proud but she's still saying no. We got talking about permission/consent. Does she have to give permission for me to post her photo? She's 10. Or would she have to consent to me posting it? I'm not going to, just in case I'm roasted on here, but I'm now just interested in the rules.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 08/09/2021 18:54

You dont legally need consent, but I would question why any parent in a similar situation would value the likes on social media over their child's wishes on such a trivial matter.

spaceghetto · 08/09/2021 18:56

I was initially outraged as 'front door' was what my mum used instead of vagina.

2et2font5 · 08/09/2021 18:59

Surely if you are proud, you share it with people who care? My sister sent me a photo of my nephew, which she also sent to our parents. That's because she knows we're interested and nobody else is really (and she doesn't plaster her life over facebook.

Chloemol · 08/09/2021 19:07

I dont think she has to give formal permission. But if you publish a photo when she has asked you not to dont expect much of a relationship with her

thelegohooverer · 08/09/2021 19:36

My ds declined to let us take a picture of his first day of secondary. It’s a pity but I absolutely respect his right to say no. I always ask permission before posting (usually on WhatsApp to Granny). I want my dc to be thinking about this stuff now, when it’s still harmless.

NoSquirrels · 08/09/2021 19:42

@spaceghetto

I was initially outraged as 'front door' was what my mum used instead of vagina.
GrinGrin
MilduraS · 08/09/2021 19:57

Why ask about the legal position? Are you planning to rub it in your daughters face and make her feel grateful for respecting her right to privacy?

thecatsthecats · 08/09/2021 20:22

@RJnomore1

Why do you need to post a photo

Genuinely they’re lovely for us parents and perhaps to show grandparents but no one else in the history of the universe gives a shiny shit. Yes I am a great big grump who does not understand the social media need to have your entire life on display.

Could be worse, could be the photos of people’s dinners I suppose.

This.

Rest assured that your pride is shared by no one else, even if your daughter were Malala or Greta etc.

That's not to say it's not a nice picture to have and for your daughter to enjoy in the future, but don't override her wishes for the sake of the endorphin hit you get when someone hits the like button (because they want you to reciprocate...)

BananaPB · 08/09/2021 20:34

I stopped posting them around that for the same reason. Respect her wishes or she won't even let you take a pic in future years - not a bill you want to die on.

Ds wouldn't let me take one on his first day but compromised on when he got home after his first day which is better than nothing but I'd have preferred the fresh and clean morning ds than sweaty and annoyed afternoon ds.

BananaPB · 08/09/2021 20:38

Don't forget that once she has a phone, she'll be able to post pics of you.l and if you want her to only post good photos then beat to negotiate that now 😉

A child in France sued her parents and a court forced them to remove images of her from their Instagram. I know that France isn't the UK but makes sense

TinselTime21 · 08/09/2021 20:42

Legally you don't need her consent as you 'own the photo'
But out of principle you should respect her wishes.

Peteycat · 08/09/2021 20:47

If she doesn't want it don't do it. Respect your child's wishes.

MissCruellaDeVil · 08/09/2021 20:48

Respect her wishes. It's an early lesson about consent and that no means no!

OldTinHat · 08/09/2021 20:50

Get off Facebook ffs! Really? That is more important that the wishes of your DC? I pity you.

HelloDulling · 08/09/2021 20:57

I love first day back photos. Love seeing my friend’s children as they grow up. I don’t have family, but my friends’ DC are like my nieces/nephews/god children, I suppose.

RacistAngst · 08/09/2021 20:58

Well legally you can.

But it’s not going to do any good to your relationship with your dd. Depends what you think is important..

Yarnandneedles · 08/09/2021 20:58

I shot myself in the foot with this one years ago when we had “the talk” about social media, respecting others etc and how you should really ask permission before posting photos of others, especially if you are tagging them.
Not had a doorstep photo for years. 🙄

Ohthatoldchestnut · 08/09/2021 22:12

Legally it's down to the person/people that have parental responsibility. Morally, this doesn't feel like a matter where it's appropriate to override your child's wishes and it's great your child has a clear view of their boundaries and can express them. By respecting their decision, you are reinforcing this.
But these back to school photos are not just cute memories people are sharing. In one single photo you are making public (even via restricted profiles) your child's age, probably their name, location, school... All pretty obviously a bad idea to make public.
At the very least, by posting that information, you are selling your child's personal information for future use by marketers for the little dopamine hit when you get a few likes.
FWIW, colleagues in social media/cyber security never ever put identifiable images of their children online - and most don't engage at all except for work purposes and/or with false personal info.

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/09/2021 22:15

@Yarnandneedles

I shot myself in the foot with this one years ago when we had “the talk” about social media, respecting others etc and how you should really ask permission before posting photos of others, especially if you are tagging them. Not had a doorstep photo for years. 🙄
You mean you didn't get to post one on Facebook, I presume? So what? I'm sure everyone survived just fine without it.
seaandsandcastles · 08/09/2021 22:34

I wouldn’t be putting up with any of that nonsense so yes, I would be posting it and telling her not to be so silly.

GreyhoundG1rl · 08/09/2021 22:35

Dear God.

elliejjtiny · 08/09/2021 22:41

I understand. I'm not bothered about facebook but I wish my 13 year old would let me take one of him standing by the front door in his uniform tomorrow. I love how these photos show the passage of time but he doesn't want his photo taken so I have to respect that.

AdobeWanKenobi · 08/09/2021 23:22

Here you go OP. Use this one.

My DC won't let me post a front door photo of them going back to school!
PeterPomegranate · 09/09/2021 07:38

@elliejjtiny

I understand. I'm not bothered about facebook but I wish my 13 year old would let me take one of him standing by the front door in his uniform tomorrow. I love how these photos show the passage of time but he doesn't want his photo taken so I have to respect that.
I have photos of both my children by the front door every year. But I’ve never posted them on Facebook. I share with immediate family.

Is that a compromise?

trilbydoll · 09/09/2021 07:40

I haven't put photos of my kids up since they started school. I think they're super cute but when they're teenagers they'll be mortified by their pre teen selves I'm sure!