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Original poster

Shy dd been chosen to sit next to loud, disruptive child. Should I say something?

108 replies

life9000 · 07/09/2021 07:01

My dd is at primary school and very shy. Her first day back was yesterday and she had a good day.
One thing she told me was that she has been seated next to a girl who is,in her words, naughty.

My dd has felt intimidated by this girl before as she doesn't listen to the teachers, even after getting warnings or head teacher visit.
She is very disruptive and talks much older than her age.

I have no idea why they would sit these two children together. I'm worried my dd will fall behind in her work now and will be too shy to tell the teacher why. Possibly ending in her getting told off too.

Should I talk to the teacher about this? I know it's only been a day but I'd rather sort it before it's a problem.
Dp thinks I should wait a while and see how things go. He's hoping dd will be able to sort it out herself.

OP posts:
LegendaryReady · 07/09/2021 07:02

Yes, leave it and see if there is actually a problem. Teacher will be well aware of what she's done.

xksismybestletter · 07/09/2021 07:02

Do nothing.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 07/09/2021 07:06

See how things go. My DD was next to a disruptive boy who would secretly pull her hair and stand on her foot. We raised it repeatedly with the teacher. When she finally changed the seating plan it made such a difference.

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MichelleScarn · 07/09/2021 07:06

Do nothing, ever? I think op should at least keep checking with her daughter how she is doing, if her work is being disturbed what does the teacher plan on doing?

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 07/09/2021 07:08

Keep checking in with her and see how it goes for a bit. I would speak to the teacher if it becomes a problem as your daughter is just as important as the other kid.

mumofdiamonds · 07/09/2021 07:11

This happened to my DD in years 5 and 6. In year 5, the disruptive child actually calmed down and even said that my DD was the reason she wanted to be good. Which obviously made me incredibly proud. But in year 6 she was placed next to a girl who began bullying her for been a "teachers pet" and this bullying continued in to year 7. (I didn't find out until it escalated in year 7).

Thankfully, the bully is no longer in any of DD's classes and I hope when she begins year 9 at the end of the week, they don't cross paths.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/09/2021 07:11

DS can be quiet and meek (not at home alas!) and had a disruptive child next to him in the summer term. I told him that every time she did something to him to tell the teacher. It did get to a point that if it wasn't the end of year approaching, that I'd have requested a change for the next term, but he needed that chance to learn how to stand his ground and protect his interests first before I come sweeping in. From talking to him about it, it wasn't directed personally and she's a PITA with anyone she sits by.

Ultimately all the children have to be sat by someone and there will always be difficult combinations. What is important is that gentle childrem are not always saddled with a difficult combination and that they get some time with easier pairings too.

fallfallfall · 07/09/2021 07:13

5 days max. Your child’s not a paid babysitter.

tiredanddangerous · 07/09/2021 07:14

The teacher will know because it will have been done deliberately. It's a common tactic to sit the disruptive child next to the best behaved unfortunately.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 07/09/2021 07:15

The schools my DC have attended seem to put disruptive children next to the quiet, good children to help them calm down and behave.

As the parent of said quiet DC, I'd raise it with the Teacher abs ask fir her to be moved.

There's no real incentive to being a good child of it means you have to sit with the class bully instead of your friends. The last time I realised it the Teacher moved DD after I'd said that she'd decided to start misbehaving as well because being good in class clearly wasn't doing her any good. Tess her moved her the next day.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 07/09/2021 07:16

*Teacher

WillaWeatherspoon · 07/09/2021 07:17

Definitely keep an eye on it. I was occasionally forced to sit with used as an unpaid teaching assistant/behaviour monitor for naughty kids at school and I absolutely hated it, I felt I was being punished for being a sensible child. It definitely had a detrimental effect on my learning and enjoyment of school and I wish I'd made more of a fuss about it at the time.

Franticbutterfly · 07/09/2021 07:18

@fallfallfall

5 days max. Your child’s not a paid babysitter.
This.
nukeitfromorbit · 07/09/2021 07:20

I'd give it at least a couple of weeks. It's the first day back the teacher doesn't know the children and will be spending the first month getting to know them and tweaking the seating to best support them. A noisy irritating class mate or co-worker is something we have to all learn to get used to unfortunately and it's a good skill to develop. If it tips into bullying or deliberate attempts to to distract or undermine your daughter then that's different. I have the quiet shy girl who is often sat next to the chatty annoying one and long term I think it's been good for her.

YoungForever · 07/09/2021 07:22

I was the same as your DD, and I felt stressed and intimidated. I'd give it a couple of days but if this is the other child's general behaviour I'd insist on a move. It's not your daughter's job to help moderate this child's behaviour.

cansu · 07/09/2021 07:22

Someone has to sit by this child. I would be talking about this to my dd. I would also be asking the teacher to keep an eye on it and ask that she be moved after a half term. Most teachers are well aware of this and may do this anyway. How would you feel if the teacher told you your dd was sitting alone because other parents had complained about her?

13579db · 07/09/2021 07:25

Teachers do this - put opposites together in the hope they good influence the bad Give it a few weeks and don't ask your daughter too much about it others it becomes a tool for attention

fallfallfall · 07/09/2021 07:27

No, getting use to an annoying colleague as a mature trained adult is not the same as sitting the quiet child next to the disruptive one.

megletthesecond · 07/09/2021 07:28

I'd mention it now.

MichelleScarn · 07/09/2021 07:28

@13579db

Teachers do this - put opposites together in the hope they good influence the bad Give it a few weeks and don't ask your daughter too much about it others it becomes a tool for attention
Don't ask her daughter about it? So don't check up that she is OK, not stressed and upset? Care more that the other child is being prioritised?
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/09/2021 07:30

Think this is all a bit ott- the child has to sit somewhere and I’m sure the teacher will pick up if they are negatively affecting your child

YoungForever · 07/09/2021 07:33

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Think this is all a bit ott- the child has to sit somewhere and I’m sure the teacher will pick up if they are negatively affecting your child
The mum has already picked up that her child feels intimidated by this child.
Mommabear20 · 07/09/2021 07:33

They'll have seated them together to try and get them to rub off on each other eg your DD have a calming effect on the other girl and in turn she might bring your DD out of her shell a little bit.

fallfallfall · 07/09/2021 07:34

If the child needs to sit alone then they sit alone. If all the parents complain maybe the help the child really needs will get sorted.
Why should the quiet girl loose out on two weeks, one month or one term of education.
Zero tolerance is my position.
5 days in case the child matured over the summer.

R0tational · 07/09/2021 07:35

I have had pairings like this and never intervened. They need to learn how to deal with this - and why should someone elses ki have to deal with the naughty kid, and yours is exempt. You win some you lose some.