Chasing up ambulance

[Mariell]

My mother fell and my father couldn’t get her up. He called ambulance 9.30pm.

Called ambulance again at midnight. Ambulance came 5.30am!

This was a couple of days ago and My mother is in hospital.

I live over 300 miles away.

My dad has recently given the emergency cord alarm people my phone number.

He has fallen and cannot get up so cant get to his landline or mobile phone and is stuck on the floor. He pulled an emergency cord and was able to speak.

They have called an ambulance.

Given the time taken recently to get an ambulance to my mother do I call and chase it up?

My parents were doing great but in a very short space of time have their health has rapidly declined so all this is emergency stuff is new to us.

@RB68 you can change the command name on an Alexa. My little robot sounds so much better in my opinion anyway!

Thanks Tinto - we found that out later, but honestly by that time she was beyond remembering how to make even a cup of tea sadly. Technology isn't always the solution

OP, I do appreciate that the ambulance service are stretched but take guidance on whether it's appropriate for someone to be able to help him up after a fall or not.

I now absolutely point blank refuse to be first responder and pick mum up when she's had a fall. She has osteoporosis and she's fractured three vertebrae and her femur in the last year as a result of very minor falls at home: she's had to be brought downstairs on a stretcher in a neck brace before. If a well-meaning person had just helped her back up those fractures would have gone unrecorded, and possibly gone on to cause long-term damage.

It's a balance. I wish you all the luck in the world.

@Damnyoureyes

No. They ask that people don’t keep ringing as it clogs emergency lines up. This is the norm now. He is warm and safe in his home, the wait can be hours for a fall in the street. Even for obvious broken bones. People are asked to make their own way to hospital if they can walk. There are not enough vehicles. There are not enough staff. There are too many calls, including a large percentage of time wasters. It’s how it is now. Horrendous.

This.

My partner is a community first responder. He gets notifications of the ambulance wait times. It’s frequently a 2 hour wait for a category 1 event, so heart attack, life threatening situation. In other words they’re not going to arrive in time for much life saving to take place. If your parents are not at risk of dying they are lower priority. Don’t chase up, it won’t help nor move you up the list.

Now is the time I guess for either you to move to them or them to move to you (are you an only child?) Alternatively a residential home I guess, much safer for them (i guess they must be in their 80s?)

for MIL we used one of these checkout.noisolation.com/gb/komp

its the size of a TV and can be placed in one room and you dial in and you can then video call or you can also send messages. Its a bit limited as its calls in only and some of the tech available is now beyond this but this was supplied for us by a local charity as part of a trial aimed at reducing loneliness. It does mean you can check in on folk but only in one room really.

But looking on line now there is lots of tech but it needs someone techie to set it up properly and also be tamper proof.

MIL was an inveterate fiddler and even though there were only two dials on this she would still manage to switch off and forget to turn back on.

I would say the ambulance service has been like this for several years and even pre covid my Mum had a 10 hr wait once and then around 6 mths later a 5 hr wait at home and an 8.5hr wait in the hospital car park and that was with stroke symptoms - utterly shocking

I'm glad your Dad has been rescued OP.

The fire brigade are amazing. My Dad was disabled and lived upstairs for 2 years until an extension was built for him. Obviously he couldn't walk downstairs but the ambulance service refused to move him. The occupational therapist contacted the fire brigade and it was no problem - the stairs were narrow so they couldn't go one either side of his so they got him downstairs on a duvet.

My poor mother was mortified as they turned up in a fire engine with the blue lights on and she was worried what the neighbours would think!

@Mariell
Have they had their boiler checked recently? With sudden on set of symptoms wondering about carbon monoxide poisoning. Wishing your parents all the best

@tintodeverano2

But would the Gp be able to tell you if he has gone to hospital yet or not?

Oh my lord, I doubt it. Data protection aside, once I spent over a month trying to get a simple blood test with the hospital and GP unable to decide who was supposed to issue the form and who was allowed to tell me the results, but that's another story. Glad the fire department was helpful OP and I hope your dad is ok!

Is it worth them moving into a retirement home, now their needs have changed?

I’ve not read the whole thread but did see the comments about Attendance Allowance.

Attendance Allowance is extra money you can claim if you’re over State Pension age and need regular help with your personal care. It is non-means tested, so you can claim it whatever your income or savings.

@Mariell

@Mariell If and when she comes out we can the assess her needs.

This is where you need to know the system a bit, someone (which may have to be you or your father), needs to make sure the assessment process starts before she comes out of hospital!. The hospital will have have team of Occupational Therapists, Physiotherapists and Social Workers who can start this process. They can also put interim/re-enablement care in place for when they are discharged. Usually for 6 weeks while a full assessment is made.

@FedUpAtHomeTroels

When they get the bathroom door fixed have them do it so it opens outwards into the hall. My mothers retirement flat has this. It turns out they were built this way in case anyone fell behind it like your Dad.

Great advise.

I had an elderly neighbour {Late 80's} ..and she refused point blank to let anyone local have a key, apart from some {Older!} and more infirm neighbours down the road.

I had an urgent phone call from her daughter {Who lives 15 miles away} as she couldn't get hold of Mum.

I was in town, and rushed back dreading what I might find.

Fortunately she was ok..But she dod have two falls, and broke her leg.

The last fall killed her.
It was bloody tragic.

It was hot, all the windows were open, {She was immediate NDN} and she had fallen outside her bathroom, upstairs.

Her neck ''Alarm' on a cord around her neck had twisted out of reach.

Her cleaner/carer DIDN'T HAVE A KEY.

Neighb said ''I'll let people in, they don't need a key''.

Basically a 91 yr old was lying dehydrated without calling for 36 hours.

Her cleaner/carer raised the alarm.
Neighbour died in hospital, 2 days later.

She had an utter dread of ''Being put into a home''..and yet wouldn't give keys to people who could help.

She was light as a feather, too, {7 stones at a guess} so easy {ish} to lift.

@Mariell

Thank you for all the kind replies.

My parents have never used the internet nor do they ever want to and Alexa is ‘new fangled stuff’ that they have no desire to ever use!

They are very set in their ways!

That may be but your parents are adults and, given what's happened, they will need to take responsibility for making some changes. This whole experience will have been horrible for all involved.

[quote starfishmummy]**@Mariell* If and when she comes out we can the assess her needs.*

This is where you need to know the system a bit, someone (which may have to be you or your father), needs to make sure the assessment process starts before she comes out of hospital!. The hospital will have have team of Occupational Therapists, Physiotherapists and Social Workers who can start this process. They can also put interim/re-enablement care in place for when they are discharged. Usually for 6 weeks while a full assessment is made.[/quote]
My mother will absolutely not see any of those. She is adamant that she would rather die than have anyone help her.

My dad is slightly more open to help but not a lot.

My mother has an iron will and has never to my knowledge taken any medicine or even a pain killer. She’s foreign and her mother was exactly the same.

Remember the knights who say say ‘Ni!’ Monty Python? she’s like that! Her arm could be cut off and she would say - “It’s just a scratch!”

They have never seen the internet. They would have absolutely no idea what it is.

[quote Magic0Magic]@Mariell
Have they had their boiler checked recently? With sudden on set of symptoms wondering about carbon monoxide poisoning. Wishing your parents all the best[/quote]
I was going to suggest this too. Well worth a check.

Hope they are better soon op, it is such a worry.

DM slipped and fell and had a head injury last month. Blood everywhere No ambulance available.

Apologies if someone has already suggested this, but if you ask your parents to either write or ring their GP and say that info can be given to you, an alert will go on their notes to say this and you will not be then be barred by Data Protection.

3 cheers for the fire brigade
That's fantastic
I guess that they would have been required in any case even if the ambulance had got there first if the door needed cutting down.
What a great idea about the outward opening door. Will file that away for future use ideas.
Also 3 cheers for cousin and her husband
In the end there is really no substitute for family/ friends when the chips are down as basically no professional has that level of love and care to go above and beyond. It is an issue with the alarm call thing that it's of little use if you have no-one to call and really works best if you have local friends/ family willing and able to respond to it.

So I have a DF in a home. He lived in a hoarders house (the sort that you see in documentaries). It was awful, he got defensive if anyone made any comments.

The friends who knocked on the door and pushed passed him to check his welfare were promptly asked to leave or he got into an argument with them over the state of the house. He had the FB who told him his house was a death trap. His GP were wringing their hands over him but he had capacity so he was allowed to live as he liked.

Eventually as in most things in life something happened and I got involved. I had withdrawn from this horrible situation a number of years ago (another story).

I sold the house, he moved into a care home and whilst he is still with us its no life for him.

You need to decide how you are going to involve yourself. Your DM sounds like a nightmare (sorry but this isnt going to get better). It will drag you down unless you decide how you are going to handle this.

An iron will is not a good thing in an older person. In my experience they drag you down to their level and the demands get worse and worse. I have learnt to do things in my own time, not jump to attention. My DM had a fall a few years ago. She wasnt wearing her care pendant. She still doesnt wear it all of the time. I have now said to her that is her decision but that its incredibly selfish to not do such a little thing because muggins here will be called if she falls again.

So, the last time I was round there she was wearing it. In my experience there is an awful lot of elderly people assuming that their children will do their bidding and wont involve anyone else. My daughter will do that etc etc. Well, from bitter experience they dont have a choice. Guilt, shouting at them, and even withdrawing your own care for a while could all be used to help them recognise they need to change.

Well done to Essex Fire Brigade.

My late husband had a fall in the street and fractured his femur. He was 67 and it was a cold February night. He waited three hours for an ambulance. Falls, even where it’s evident there are broken bones, are not a priority.