Moral dilemma what would you do

[Stokesm]

Name changed as lots of posts under my old name.

DD 6. No contact with her father since she was 3. CMS is utterly useless, they occasionally get a bit of money out of him every now and then - he’s in arrears of 3k at the moment.

He’s contacted me out of the blue. He’s selling his house and moving with his partner, he wants to pay me 10k for DD as “full and final payment” (his words not mine) if I agree to call off the CMS and leave him alone.

Would you take it? Or say fuck you and double down?

He’s supposed to pay around £380 a month for her. I probably get around £1000 a year at the most.

I would agree to the 10k
Take it
Then go back on your word, as far as I am aware, there’s nothing to stop you doing that?? Unless he’s hired a fancy solicitor to draft up paperwork, which he clearly won’t. So he wouldn’t have much of a leg to stand on

Also I bet if you agreed to it, he’ll say, oh can I pay you 2k now and then 4 k when the house sale is done and then 4 k — blah blah blah.

I would negotiate and not take anything less than 20k.

A 100x NO

Take it to pay the arrears. Then pursue him again.

I got fuck all from my ex ever in 15 years so yep I'd take £10k

I'm almost ashamed to be called a man when I hear men behaving like this individual ..take the money by all means but make sure he pays the very minimum he has to pay.

I would say 10k plus the arrears then done tbh

If you don't desperately need the money, I wouldn't even consider this. Even if you only get £1000/year until she's 18, you'd still come out £2000 behind. He wouldn't be making this offer if CMS wasn't having a major effect on him, so I'd view that as incentive to keep it up.

Take it. Lack of hassle and mental space is worth a lot. Don’t let thoughts of “punishing him” make you engage in stuff that uses up your energy and emotions. Take the cash.

Then obviously, once the back payments and forward payments add up to 10k, you can choose to push again via CSA.

They do take money automatically from wages. But if they don’t get it they ask nicely and then just add it to the arrears.
I don’t understand. How can they not get money if they take it automatically?

Take the money then say feck you she's not a three piece suit you pay a final payment on she's your child and you will pay for her 🤷‍♀️
No court will disagree with you for taking it and he will still have to pay monthly x

I'd be tempted to either haggle, or just take the money and forget the bastard exists. He already owes almost £4k, what's the likelihood you'd actually see this amount from him? You get some money to support DD, and an easy life not having to chase the cunt to pay his dues.

It's shit, but I'd not have the stamina to keep on at the CMS for the next 12 years trying to get blood from that stone.

Is he allowed to make a final payment and CMS will never chase him again -- does OP have the power to call CMS off him forever?

Sorry, long thread, didn't read all.

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

I presume his ‘full and final’ wouldn’t stand up in court? If that’s the case I’d say ‘yes I will take £10k’ and would carry on pursuing him through the CMS as per normal.

This

Yeah, think I’d be a bitch and do this as well 🤣

@NuffSaidSam

Take the money for the back payment and however long it will cover and then carry on chasing him via CMS.

This^

@lljkk

Is he allowed to make a final payment and CMS will never chase him again -- does OP have the power to call CMS off him forever?

Sorry, long thread, didn't read all.

Nope, don't think he can legally end his obligation to support his child.

I think you can in 'Murica.

A bird in the hand and all that
I’d take the money and run

You cant pay someone off like this in the UK as far as I know its not legal

Take it. Then keep pursuing him through the CMS.

I guess OP could end her claim with CMS and tell them it's being sorted privately - but no reason why she can't restart the claim again, and I very much doubt he would have a legal leg to stand on.

And that's what I would do - take the £10K, and then restart the claim.

That's what I thought, category12 & Theunamedcat.

So basically OP should take the money, perhaps offer a weak promise she won't directly nag him in future, & shrug if he moans about CMS after all.

Take the money and still pursue him through CMS. You can't legally make an agreement to accept a lump sum payment in place of child maintenance, it's unenforceable.

Ideally take the money (don’t agree to any “full and final payment”‘m wording just “payment towards dc”). Only once you have the money withdraw the cms claim. Deduct the arrears then see how many months minimum the remainder covers. Once that number of months passes resubmit the claim and have cms take it from him. He might get in touch but you’d be within your rights (I think I’m not sure in system so maybe check legally!) and can simply rely that his payment was the minimum and surely he didn’t actually think £10k would cover everything for dc until they were 18.

What an arsehole. Imagine trying to pay off your obligation to your dc. If you can completely try to disengage from it all emotionally. So expect nothing but keep claiming and honestly the thought of him getting all stressed about by cms chasing him would really appeal. He obviously hates it hence trying to “pay you off”. Is there no easier way to keep tabs on his location and job?

Uk system seems shameful.