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Original poster

Moral dilemma what would you do

148 replies

Stokesm · 04/09/2021 14:59

Name changed as lots of posts under my old name.

DD 6. No contact with her father since she was 3. CMS is utterly useless, they occasionally get a bit of money out of him every now and then - he’s in arrears of 3k at the moment.

He’s contacted me out of the blue. He’s selling his house and moving with his partner, he wants to pay me 10k for DD as “full and final payment” (his words not mine) if I agree to call off the CMS and leave him alone.

Would you take it? Or say fuck you and double down?

He’s supposed to pay around £380 a month for her. I probably get around £1000 a year at the most.

OP posts:
MintMatchmaker · 04/09/2021 15:39

Sorry, missed the post saying his partner walked out on three of her own.

beigebrownblue · 04/09/2021 15:40

Yes, take the money and keep the CMS thing in place.
Keep all receipts and evidence of transfers just in case.

He is that amount in arrears.

And Whyohwhy is right

'fulll and final payment' doesn't stand up in court as they should be paying until the child is eighteen if they are in full time ed.

So take the money, you've had a horrendous time in covid and sure there are things you urgently need.

No moral dilemma to address there,
he hasn't paid, and he is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/09/2021 15:40

@JingleTangle

There's no way on earth I would take the "full and final payment". I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of even looking like I thought my daughters life and self esteem was worth that little. Imagine if your daughter found out?!
What's it got to do with self esteem? It would be a lump sum that OP could invest, it would be a tangible contribution albeit a small one and it would reduce OP's stress. Better than fighting with an arsehole all her daughter's childhood.
KateTheEighth · 04/09/2021 15:40

Presumably he's offering you £10,000 from the sale of his house

Have a look online and see how much it's on for then do a search on the land registry website to see how much of a mortgage he had when he bought it

Then tell him you'll accept £20,000 (at least)

beigebrownblue · 04/09/2021 15:40

And carry on with the CMS, you don't need to tell him you are going to.
If there is a query you have the paperwork.

AlexaShutUp · 04/09/2021 15:41

Yes, negotiate up if you can.

TheAverageUser · 04/09/2021 15:41

He obviously wants to pay one amount, I'd take it but ask for £15-20 so you get a little more and keep the text for your DD as PP said.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 04/09/2021 15:41

Depending on your rl circumstances a bank account for dd...
If the time comes /if you already do claim benefits 10 k won't bode well!!
Take his cash and leave Cms claim open.

LadyGAgain · 04/09/2021 15:42

@NuffSaidSam

Take the money for the back payment and however long it will cover and then carry on chasing him via CMS.
This 👆🏽
LadyGAgain · 04/09/2021 15:42

Sign nothing

Janaih · 04/09/2021 15:42

Another one saying take the money and continue with CMS. What a fucking liberty.

Bimblybomeyelash · 04/09/2021 15:44

I wouldn’t blame you for taking it OP.

OneAugustNight · 04/09/2021 15:44

I would take it personally but then I have an ex who pays £7 pw for two children although he has tens of thousands in the bank. CMS can’t get a penny more from him.

He sounds like the kind that is never going to pay his fair share.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 04/09/2021 15:45

If he complains you have continued with cms tell him dvla haven't sent dd's keeper papers yet...

itsgettingwierd · 04/09/2021 15:45

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

I'd counter offer with £50k and negotiate down to £30k minimum. If he's got money right now I'd take it and cut my losses.
Yes this would be the minimums I'd accept as final payment.

As an aside how do they not manage to take the money from wages if that's how they collect?

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 04/09/2021 15:47

I'd take the 10k in a cheque in DDs name, stick it in a junior ISA or other savings account in her name and carry on with the CMS, assuming you can afford to do so

Foxmylife · 04/09/2021 15:47

Hes a complete tool, but you know that.Flowers I’d be tempted to take it and never have to deal with all this shit again.

category12 · 04/09/2021 15:49

Take the 10 grand and keep the CMS claim going. He cannot sign off his financial responsibilities.

TenThousandSpoons · 04/09/2021 15:50

Take the £10K (if it actually materialises).
That covers the arrears and the next couple of years.
Then go through CMS again. The “full and final” thing would have no legal standing so don’t worry about that.

HTH1 · 04/09/2021 16:00

@NuffSaidSam

Take the money for the back payment and however long it will cover and then carry on chasing him via CMS.
This. Are you even allowed to contract out of your CMS obligations?
moose62 · 04/09/2021 16:04

It ok for all us posters to say , demand more or don't accept it, but we haven't been fighting a continuous battle just to get a few peanuts out of a bad father! I would raise it slightly and ask for £12,000 as full and final settlement. I would insist that the money is placed in your account where you can see it before you agree to sign anything.

BobaFettOnMyBedsideTable · 04/09/2021 16:05

I'd take the £10k and then carry on pursuing him. Like someone said, if you can afford to, invest it for her.

notthemum · 04/09/2021 16:08

Op, do you get any benefits ? Housing benefit, council tax benefit, universal credit ?
The reason I ask this is because you would probably have to let DWP know and they don't take into account that that is is supposed to be for x amount of years and you may be forced to spend it for every day stuff as they could stop your benefit.

The benefit thing is not something that I am sure about these days but perhaps you could phone CAB or DWP or hopefully a poster who knows more about benefits will be along soon.

MonsignorMirth · 04/09/2021 16:09

If he's offering 10k then being pursued/ the idea of being pursued for CMS must be bothering him. He wouldn't offer it out of the goodness of his heart, he must think it's worth it to be left alone.

EadnothTheStaller · 04/09/2021 16:10

Well it's better than my ex anyway, who wanted ME to pay HIM £1000 for him to disappear from our lives and never pay for his kids.... 🤔