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Original poster

Caring for neighbours baby? Am I mad?

120 replies

SophieHMS · 01/09/2021 14:08

Short version:
Should I offer to look after my neighbours' baby regularly? Am I mad? What issues might come up? I don't need money ... happy to do it for free.

Long version
I have adorable neighbours. They are finally pregnant after lots of trying. Baby due early spring. Hooray!!

They both work FT in the music industry- late nights long days etc.
Both sets of grandparents live miles away and one set are v elderly.

I am late 50s, had own DC late so not a sniff of grandchildren for a decade or more. My DC live independent lives miles away now. I retired at 50 amazingly lucky financially.

Neighbours need child care and are starting to explore their options.

I want to offer to have the baby say two days a week - set days ideally, maybe weekends as they both work weekends a lot.

I had twins so one baby should be a walk in the park (I imagine).

Would I be mad to suggest this? Is it too "intimate" for neighbours? We are vv friendly and supportive, the whole street is a friendly place. What might the pitfalls be? Should I take money and maybe save it for their child? I don't need money.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 01/09/2021 14:10

You sound lovely. But also naïve

As kind as it is to offer to help, just keep it casual & occasional.

Things will undoubtedly get more complicated when you are looking after their baby, and if it's not a job you need, I think lines would get blurred easily. Especially if you do it for free.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 01/09/2021 14:11

I wouldn't personally, I wouldn't want to be tied down like that and it would be so weird to take money and save it for their child

Mariell · 01/09/2021 14:13

I did this a few years ago but she was a toddler not a baby.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. Only did it for a year as she then went to nursery so I made the most of having a young child again and we had some grand adventures.

I didn’t want money either as she was a dear little girl and I could go places again that my adult children were too old for!

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Families
Megan2018 · 01/09/2021 14:14

You can’t take money, you have to be registered to do that.
I really wouldn’t, you have no idea how they will parents vs you and it could go sour very fast.
But being available to help on occasion-childcare crises etc would be appropriate.

Toastytoads · 01/09/2021 14:14

I'd offer to be emergency cover, collect from nursery if poorly etc. Know someone is willing to help out is so reassuring for parents.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 01/09/2021 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

daytriptovulcan · 01/09/2021 14:20

Shouldn'y you just get a life of your own? You are overthinking someone else's private family concerns.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 01/09/2021 14:20

Offering occasional help, babysitting etc is a much more valuable safety net for the parents and less likely to sour the relationship if they turn out to parent in a way incompatible with you.

I have a neighbour who adores DD, she’s in her 60s, her kids are mid-20s. If we’re out in the garden she’ll often take her off to pick berries/have a drink of water with mint in/have a chat. DD is nearly 4yo and absolutely loves her.

Angel2702 · 01/09/2021 14:21

I don’t think you are allowed to provide regular childcare unpaid or not if you are not registered unless you are a family member.

Thebookswereherfriends · 01/09/2021 14:21

As pp says, offer to be emergency cover, but don’t make it a regular thing. Looking after other people’s children can be a minefield and may sour your neighbourly relations.

gamerchick · 01/09/2021 14:25

I'd offer emergency in your shoes but I wouldnt offer set days. You have no idea what's going to happen in your life. Illness/family emergencies etc.

Brieeeeeeeeeeee · 01/09/2021 14:27

Yep, emergency cover is a good idea but nothing more formal. My next door neighbours are a similar age and stage (although they do have grandchildren) and they have occasionally picked DS up from nursery, or stayed with him if I’ve had to nip out on a short errand. It’s invaluable to me and I am forever grateful to them.

Also, see how they get on when the baby is here. It’s not unusual with people with busy jobs in difficult industries to have a change of heart when they become parents, no matter what their pre-children intentions are.

Datsandcogs · 01/09/2021 14:28

What a lovely idea.

Offer less than you feel you could do. Or maybe offer emergency cover or weekends, times when it will be tricky for them to find reliable care.

You may also need to look into the legalities of looking after their baby, especially if any form of payment is made.

LakeShoreD · 01/09/2021 14:29

Why not offer to babysit for them if/when they’re ready for a night out and be an emergency cover. If you do regular childcare it will end in tears and you’ll still have to live next to them.

Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2021 14:30

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman

Why don't you just go back to contemplating farting in the garden?
Have I missed something??
Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2021 14:33

Oh, now I get it Grin

notnownora · 01/09/2021 14:34

Yes you are mad! Just be a nice neighbour (sounds like you are) without getting too involved. Your neighbours have made the decision to have a child and it's up to them to sort out childcare issues. You should not be wasting your time even contemplating this - it's quite possible that if you did offer it might not pan out as you might have imagined!

Gimlisaxe · 01/09/2021 14:34

I think they are going to have to find someone more regular if I am honest.

Its tough to find reliable childcare for late nights. Unless they employ a nanny or something similar.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 01/09/2021 14:34

@Somethingsnappy

Oh, now I get it Grin
Grin
Mumdiva99 · 01/09/2021 14:35

If they work a lot of weekend they will struggle to get 7 day a week childcare. Just remind them you are around and have bought up twins and would love to help them out if they wanted to Co sides it hut equally happy not too. Then no pressure on them. Mum or dad will no doubt take maternity leave......so there is plenty of time for you to meet baby etc sometimes 1 parent stops work completely and childcare isn't necessary at all.

MrsFlinch · 01/09/2021 14:35

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman

Why don't you just go back to contemplating farting in the garden?
😂🤣😂
beigebrownblue · 01/09/2021 14:36

@LakeShoreD

Why not offer to babysit for them if/when they’re ready for a night out and be an emergency cover. If you do regular childcare it will end in tears and you’ll still have to live next to them.
Yes, I would go with this, they will need an occasional night out, and very helpful if you could verbalise emergency cover.

I would give them a chance to get their arrangements sorted for work etc.

I think most people reallise that if you are working full time you shouldn't rely on one place only to do child care, paid or not.

So expect them to put a mix of things in place and be a small(ish) neighbourly part of the mix. You could say you have plans to travel which might well be true.

SW1amp · 01/09/2021 14:38

@Angel2702

I don’t think you are allowed to provide regular childcare unpaid or not if you are not registered unless you are a family member.
Nonsense How do you think nannies are allowed to work?
Whatinthelord · 01/09/2021 14:40

I think maybe offer occasional /emergency childcare.
Then if you enjoy it any want to offer frequent you can. I would jump straight in to offering 2 days a week as it’s harder to back off once you’ve offered and committed.

Have they actually spoken to you about childcare. What is your relationship like at the mo, if you don’t know them well they might be comfortable leaving the baby with you .

bigbaggyeyes · 01/09/2021 14:44

I'd offer emergency care as others have said... if you offer on a regular basis there's all sorts of issues, holidays, if you're sick, if you just don't fancy it, being responsible for someone's child is huge. I think you sound lovely but I'd stick to offering babysitting so they can go out as a couple rather than to work.