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Original poster

Things you miss after having kids..?

128 replies

Veronika13 · 31/08/2021 23:07

I've hit a wall today. Almost of year of trying to conceive and got another negative today. Have really struggled to function and I need to do something about it.
We are being referred to an IVF specialist but I can't continue to get so down, like I'm grieving.

I think it would help to focus on the good things to enjoy, before kids eventually happen (I'm positive about this). My life is good overall but atm I don't have joy.

Please tell me amazing things you did pre kids that you cannot do now that kids are here? My plan is to focus on these things and to savour the moments.
X

OP posts:
MooBoom · 31/08/2021 23:14

Having hot drinks instead of lukewarm ones
Only worrying about myself
Not being responsible for another human being eating and shitting
Having lie ins (can’t stress this enough)

idontlikealdi · 31/08/2021 23:15

Spontaneity!

MorriseysGladioli · 31/08/2021 23:17

Cavorting naked around the house having sex here, there and everywhere.

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Families
BlueRocky · 31/08/2021 23:23

Definitely doing things spontaneously, when they're little it's impossible! And sleep, I miss sleep so much.

Yellowbowlbanana · 31/08/2021 23:24

Time. I miss having any kind of time to do something properly without the constant need to be thinking about the next thing.

kwaziseyepatch · 31/08/2021 23:27

Lie ins definitely
Last one I had was months ago and I gave up due to the noises. Came downstairs to see the baby crying whilst the cat ate his breakfast with my husband telling my daughter off in the kitchen

theedgeofglory · 31/08/2021 23:29

Being spontaneous! Not having to get things ready before I leave the house.
If I fancy going to the pub after work, just going without having to worry about getting home for the kids.
Fancy a night out tonight, why not? Fancy a quick weekend trip? Just go! I definitely did not make the most of being able to have some spontaneity in my life.

ZenNudist · 31/08/2021 23:32

September holidays

Any holidays outside of school holidays

Booking a hotel and only needing to be just the 2 of you

Skiing (let's face it, who wants to pay for more people, carry all their stuff and then worry they're going to break a limb or ski off a cliff)

Time to myself

Peace and quiet. Am school fed up of the constant noise. Much of it is mindless noise for the sake of it.

Not having crap everywhere

Time to myself

Being able to make a nice dinner for 2 people and eat in civilised way

Pleasing myself on a weekend

Lie ins

Cinema

Not having an endless to do list of child related chapters to sort out.

Sorry you are having a rough time.

ZenNudist · 31/08/2021 23:34

Should sat

I'm so fed up

And endless list of child related crap to sort

PermanentTemporary · 31/08/2021 23:35

Follow a train of thought without it being shattered every few seconds.

Not having playdates. I do actually like other people's children but I found them coming round and looking after them, dealing with their food issues and having to promote good relationships between my ds and them really difficult.

Not having to be a good example all the time. Eg watching telly when I feel like it.

Not having to buy ugly and uncomfortable school uniform and make ds wear it.

No World Book Day - the lamest idea ever and an absolute bloody pain.

Original poster
Veronika13 · 31/08/2021 23:36

Thank you, I'm really soaking up every sentence.
Every morning I wake up without alarm whenever my brain's had enough rest. I drink coffee in my bed whilst reading for 1-2 hrs. Maybe I should appreciate it more.

Spontaneous thing, I always presume you just pack the kid with you and ago..? Maybe I need to process in my head it's not like that - and imagine in my head packing the baby bag..crying baby etc. Smile

OP posts:
Verbena87 · 31/08/2021 23:36

Running without having to stick a silicone ring up my vagina - obviously I can still do that if I so choose, but if I do my bladder collapses so far into the anterior wall of my vagina it hangs slightly out and chafes.

Also having sex and feeling everything: can do this now but I had awful nerve damage from birth and sex was various levels of numb for the first 2 years after birth.

Go for a poo on my own with the door closed and not having to maintain a monologue on the habits of various dinosaurs. Ditto changing pads/rinsing period pants without having to explain the menstrual cycle in language a 3 year old can wrap his head round.

Being able to spontaneously go out on my own.

All that said, mine’s an IVF baby and he continues to be a blessing - wishing you loads of luck.

Igneo · 31/08/2021 23:37

Just take off for the weekend camping.

inmyslippers · 31/08/2021 23:37

Just walk out the house to the shop.

Kite22 · 31/08/2021 23:39

@theedgeofglory

Being spontaneous! Not having to get things ready before I leave the house. If I fancy going to the pub after work, just going without having to worry about getting home for the kids. Fancy a night out tonight, why not? Fancy a quick weekend trip? Just go! I definitely did not make the most of being able to have some spontaneity in my life.
This 100x

But also (though it sounds at odds) I really struggled with losing my impressive organisational skills. I really struggled with the fact that I was supposed to be somewhere a X o'clock and the baby disrupted everything by having an exploding nappy as you were about to go out, or needed feeding, or threw up, etc etc. I was so efficient before dc.

Good luck with your journey, OP Flowers

MorriseysGladioli · 31/08/2021 23:40

Not having to make Roman soldier costume at 11.30pm when I have to be up at 5 for work.

NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN · 31/08/2021 23:41

Having a piss in peace. It's been years. I'm sure they all have a sensor alarm, as soon as I step foot in the loo, they shout. If I ignore they just walk in. I've often got a toddler sat at my feet while I'm on the loo.

3awake · 31/08/2021 23:47

Definitely miss reading a book in bed. I used to read a couple of books a week and now haven't read a book in 4 years! I have a 2yo and 4yo. They go to sleep at 7:30pm and I'm lucky to stay awake till 8pm as they are up in the morning at 5:30 and between them wake at least 4 times a night

Landlubber2019 · 31/08/2021 23:48

Peace of mind....

I used to be funny, warm, calm and confident now I am tired, constantly multi tasking, worrying about their general well-being and very much on the bottom of the priority list... Did I mention I also can be screaming banshee when school shoes are not on feet when you should have left 10 mins ago for school but no one other me seems to care!

PermanentTemporary · 31/08/2021 23:49

You do pack the kid and go. Having thought ahead as follows (depending on age)

  1. Nappies - current bottom state? Predicted next change? Will i be back? What if I'm caught out? Equipment needed? Change of clothes just in case?
  2. Food/drink - current hunger level? Next meals - when, where, what? Snacks if outing is awkward or length unknown? What do I have in for tomorrow [because nipping out to the shop late in pm when child asleep isn't possible and going out now means an opportunity to get anything I'm missing] and what timing involved?
  3. Transportation - sling? Pushchair? Will child want to walk? How far could child do and still get there on time? Shoes -also are they growing out of them, do I need to plan to buy some? Socks or would tights be better so they can't pull them off 32 times in a row? Rain cover? Sunshade? Warm layers? Hat, suncream? Wellies and waterproofs?
  4. Any waiting periods for child involved in this outing? Book to entertain them? Toy? Pencil and paper?
  5. Does child need to nap? How is that going to happen? What is plan B if they don't sleep?

Then you think about what the outing is actually about. Then you think about what you need, if you can be bothered. And then you go. Thats the basics, anyway.

Theworldisfullofgs · 31/08/2021 23:52

Spontaneity - particularly goes when they get older and you become a taxi.
Always having some vague thing in the back of their head about what they are doing and concerns.
Having money.

Original poster
Veronika13 · 31/08/2021 23:53

Some of these made me 😂
Making a costume at 11.30pm, worrying about someone breaking their limbs whilst skiing, crap everywhere 😆 (we've minimal furnishings with neural/white colours - that'd drive me mad).

Whoever said Enjoying a nice dinner in peace - tonight I'll cook a nice meal with candles and set up table properly, with jazz music on, and try to appreciate it properly

OP posts:
sequin2000 · 31/08/2021 23:54

The worst thing about parenting for me was squeezing into a public toilet with two small children who each need to poo! Holidays are not really holidays with kids. Same shit different location! It's far easier said than done but it's much easier to conceive when you're not trying. Give up for a while, go on holiday. Worked for me after 18 months of ovulation sticks and obsessing.

wedwewerpink · 31/08/2021 23:56

Sleeping
Eating/drinking in peace
Thinking...
My sanity...
Having a full uninterrupted conversation
Hot drinks
Quietness
Leaving a tidy room and coming back to it still being tidy!!
Being able to do my laundry In half a day...

MorriseysGladioli · 31/08/2021 23:56

Being able to sit down quietly without an echoey little voice emanating from the toilet saying "Mummy! I've finished!!!"