Things you miss after having kids..?

[Veronika13]

I've hit a wall today. Almost of year of trying to conceive and got another negative today. Have really struggled to function and I need to do something about it.
We are being referred to an IVF specialist but I can't continue to get so down, like I'm grieving.

I think it would help to focus on the good things to enjoy, before kids eventually happen (I'm positive about this). My life is good overall but atm I don't have joy.

Please tell me amazing things you did pre kids that you cannot do now that kids are here? My plan is to focus on these things and to savour the moments.
X

Not having to plan every day around naptimes and mealtimes. Constantly thinking 'we can't go now because they will need a nap and we'd have only just got there'. Then having to rush home for bedtime..

I'm honestly a shell atm. I really am

Doing outdoor sports seriously, for example going to a surfing vacation and surfing all day every day. Going for multi day hikes.
Really pre-kids even if you work a lot you can have a serious hobby but not afterwards for a while.

Being able to just get up and go to a restaurant at any time of day without having checked the menu.

Not working to someone else's routine/ schedule/ needs around eating, sleeping, school and entertainment.

Sorry you're having a hard time, OP, there's good and bad with kids and no kids, I hope you find peace with whatever happens. In the meantime, enjoy saying things like 'fuck it, let's go to Rome next weekend' and just doing it.

Getting ready to go to work, taking my time and not rushing about, waking the dc up at different times, rewaking them up because they fell back asleep (all of this requires trudging up and down multiple flights of stairs taking time out of my morning routine), making breakfast for the youngest, getting his packed lunch done while he’s eating breakfast, nudging everyone along constantly, fielding questions about the whereabouts of someone’s shoes and someone’s tie, hollering reminders about brushing teeth THOROUGHLY, brushing hair, honest to god tomorrow I’m working the inset day and my dc are all home and I’m looking forward to it more than you can imagine. I will get up and have my shower and just get dressed, do my hair and go to work. Faff free.

Having selfish days. Sitting with a nice cup of coffee. Not having to get up and clown around when I'm sick. I was unwell last week and all I wanted to do was lie around with the TV on.

My body - looking and feeling like a woman. It wrecks your body. I dont eat as well, I can't prioritise my health and fitness like before.

Nice baths!! Ohhh how I miss a lovely hot bath and soak and being able to read a book.

Time with husband. Going out for dinner in the evenings. Trying different sorts of food, seeing all my friends. Staying up late. I have lovely memories of all of that.

Travel! Going away has somehow become a nightmare and finding the right accommodation. I used to love staying in some quirky cottage or zipping away for the weekend somewhere exciting.

Embrace life and look after yourself I have lovely nostalgic memories before children and they are just as an important part of life. In fact they make you who you are and what kind of mother you can be.

Another thing- really think about what you'd like to do with your life. Imo those things never go away. Did you want to be creative, paint or write some more? Did you want to take a short course or do something for free? Make a list of all the things you've ever wanted to do and start some of those now. Will be harder post children but you'll still wish you'd done it.

A great exercise routine and be the fittest you've ever been, will make it easier later.

Ooh and if you own a property, doing anything you want to that. Or sorting out where you live.

Painting a wall even will take... well. Still hasn't happened.

Long lies
Uninterrupted sleep
Leaving the house without a million things
Faffing about with prams and car seats
Constant washing
Tantrums over fucking anything
Literally never having time to yourself for anything. It's always about the child now.
Not drinking for 9 months (Xmas with no booze wtf)
Piles
Feeling guilt about fucking everything.

Just want to add, OP, sorry you’ve had a tough time of it and sending you my best wishes for the future whatever it holds ❤️

Sleep!!
And popping out for dinner just because you fancy it
Or staying an extra night on holiday

@Sleepyquest

Sleep!! And popping out for dinner just because you fancy it Or staying an extra night on holiday

Or popping out anywhere!

DC are now 10 and 13. Short, local popping out is more feasible (they stay at home), but not in the evening.

The thing I miss is definitely the 'popping'!

Being able to pop out to the pub, pop out to dinner or for lunch.
Popping to the shops, without it taking eleventy-billion years to get everyone ready, find shoes, dummies, toys, make sure you have enough snacks to get round Tesco without a temper-tantrum etc
Popping over to someone's house, or having them pop round to see me (without being concerned that they are interrupting feeding / changing / bum wiping)
Popping on a nice clean, ironed top and expecting that it's not going to be quickly covered in milk-sick, snot, handprints.

@Veronika13 Nope definitely isn’t as easy as just pick the kid and go, depends if the kid has eaten, napped, need a nappy change etc etc. So much to think about before you even leave the house that by the time you get out your exhausted!

@Incywinceyspider oh you’ve nailed it, now weekends are about doing something with the kids, I mean where is our days where we want to do nothing?

-Not being woken up at 2, 3 or 4am.
-Sleeping in and not being woken again at 7, 8 or 9am.
-Going to the toilet without a child trying to bust their way in.
-Be able to have my own thoughts without them being constantly interrupted.
-Not having to clean endless potties full of shit and piss.
-Be able to make some food without a little voice "i'm hungrrrrrrry"
-Going out without thinking about the logistics.
-Being able to work in peace.
-Not having to repeat myself 10 zillion trillion times.
-To not have my ears in pain from screeches and screaming!
-Being able to grab a quiet coffee in the morning and having some peace.
-To not be bombarded with constant questions.
-Being able to go and chill in bed and watch some movies at any time.
-Being able to play video games with constant "mummy, look!" and to play them alone!
-To not feel exhausted and dragged down by mindless chores such as ten tons of laundry.
-Many more reasons..

-Most importantly - To be able to read Mumsnet in peace!

Things i miss:
Sleep!
Not having to share my bed
Skincare
Finding time to shower
Eating on time and in peace
Being carefree
Chocolate, cheese, shepherds pie, lasagna, cake, biscuits, crisps (baby is allergic to cows milk and wheat).
My body

Quality time with my husband.

-Spontaneous outings with friends

-Watching whatever we want on tv without worrying about swearing or sex scenes 😒

-Not having to plan every single detail of the holiday to accommodate your child

-Peace and quiet ( my 4 year old asks a question a minute!)

-A Lego-free house. The pain from stepping on one of those Lego blocks is something else 🤯🤬🤯🤬🤯🤬

-a full nights sleep and lie ins. I have a newborn so literally a zombie right now 🧟‍♀️

Things I miss:

Sleep
Only having to think of myself
Time to do my hair and make up every day
Being able to have spontaneous sex whenever
Having the energy to have sex at all 😂
Not hearing a baby decide to wake up 10 mins in to Love Island and scream for the rest of the episode
Nights out without having to plan ahead
Going out for dinner is more hassle than it's worth now
Not having cart a million bags of baby shit and pushchair etc everywhere
Holidays outside of term
Buying myself awesome clothes instead of them when they're grow out of them stupidly fast
Being skinny!

😂😂😂 adore my kids and wouldn't change them for the world, but I know how you're feeling as my last baby was IVF. Enjoy you're freedom, you will miss it for a while when it happens for you 🥰

@PermanentTemporary

You do pack the kid and go. Having thought ahead as follows (depending on age)

1. Nappies - current bottom state? Predicted next change? Will i be back? What if I'm caught out? Equipment needed? Change of clothes just in case?
2. Food/drink - current hunger level? Next meals - when, where, what? Snacks if outing is awkward or length unknown? What do I have in for tomorrow [because nipping out to the shop late in pm when child asleep isn't possible and going out now means an opportunity to get anything I'm missing] and what timing involved?
3. Transportation - sling? Pushchair? Will child want to walk? How far could child do and still get there on time? Shoes -also are they growing out of them, do I need to plan to buy some? Socks or would tights be better so they can't pull them off 32 times in a row? Rain cover? Sunshade? Warm layers? Hat, suncream? Wellies and waterproofs?
4. Any waiting periods for child involved in this outing? Book to entertain them? Toy? Pencil and paper?
5. Does child need to nap? How is that going to happen? What is plan B if they don't sleep?

Then you think about what the outing is actually about. Then you think about what you need, if you can be bothered. And then you go. Thats the basics, anyway.

Lmao this is my mind before we venture on any outings 😩😩

Being able to have a relaxing bath, wash and dry my hair in peace... without trying to entertain 8 month old, shouting to see where the 2yr old toddler ran away too and then the teenager unlocking the bathroom door to have a wee.. (we only have one bathroom) yep - by the time my hair is dry I'm so hot and bothered my hair goes wild! There was no point! x

Being spontaneous and also feeling relaxed in public spaces.

If you have a free day you can just decide to go off somewhere. Whereas with kids you have to prepare things for them and also decide whether it’s worth it. Likewise with holidays - you don’t need to cater to them you can do what you want without worrying about safety issues like balconies etc

My baby has been pretty decent the few times we’ve been on public transport and the once in a restaurant but it’s always in my mind that they could start crying and piss off people.

Travelling / spontaneous travelling
I'd love a vw camper but I can't fit all of us in (see above point)
I'd love a horse but can't as I've got dc (money/time etc)
Tits (mine are knackered)
Lie ins
Sneezing whilst standing up
Fanny that doesn't look like a badly packed kebab

You can be spontaneous but only within the limits of the DC and their mood/schedule. E.g. if you and DH fancy going out for dinner suddenly, you need a babysitter, which can take some time to arrange. When DC is a baby it's easy to take them with you but eventually that becomes impossible.

I miss not having one eye on the clock constantly, sex outside of the 7-10pm window, and being able to go to sleep whenever I want to.