Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

[Whadda]

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

It's just banter, mate.

@Usernamenotavailabletryanother

Hello ladies.

I’ve finally retired, and have really been looking forward to spending time with the wife now I’ll be home all day, every day.

My question is; how long does it take you all to pop to the shops and fill up the car? It’s been three days now. Is this normal or is she just really inefficient?

Also, do many of you take a suitcase to Tesco for the bulky items? And your passport for ID?

Is that you DH?

@TheBullfinch

This reminds me of a young male poster called Blacklight a few years ago, who offered to explain the internet to us but got his arse well and truly handed to him by women who'd been working in tech since before he was born.

OMG I remember that thread. Some one posted something like “thank god you’re here , I’ve just been bashing the keyboard with my tits and hoping for the best” I genuinely nearly wet myself.

From a man's perspective I speak for all men and I know you've been twiddling your nipples waiting for a man to come in and explain everything from a man's perspective. So here I am, AMA.

thank god you’re here , I’ve just been bashing the keyboard with my tits and hoping for the best”

Classic MN at its best 😂

Brian here. From Hull. nuff sed.

I've been here a while, and I considered saying something witty and self deprecating.

Nah. We're all twats. Sorry.

Hey Disgrace - always loved your downbeat assessments.

Good luck with that. I asked where my socks were days ago.

Looks like a blow job might be out of the question.

I took the bins out 17 weeks ago, loaded the dishwasher last year and once even babysat the kids, so I think I'm owed one really.

I was just about to post the link when this thread was zapped;

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Thu 12-Feb-15
Oh thank GOD you're here! Thank you SO much. I've been using these magic boxes for over 20 years without a CLUE what I'm doing. I remember when the demon known as the internet came into my house. you'd have been about 5 back then. I have been keeping the evil at bay with chicken legs and candles. Thank goodness you've arrived.
Back when my job involved working on these machines all day, I just bashed them with my tits and hoped for the best.
I'm not actually sure how I managed to get on here, tbh. I was dusting it one day and all this stuff appeared.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/a2307274-I-am-everything-you-hate-about-people-on-the-internet-I-am-here-to-help?msgid=52533449#52533449

Pan2 thanks for that. We're still twats though.

Hello ladies! Man here. I hope you don't mind me posting here, but I am looking for some feminine opinions about a situation that I'm in.

I separated from my ex wife several years ago. After our first child was born I just stopped feeling like I was important to her. I struggled on for several weeks, but then decided that life is too short to be unhappy, and moved on with my new wife.

My new wife is now pregnant so I let my ex wife know that I would be reducing her child maintenance payment as there are now two children to provide for - and she completely freaked out! I'm a great dad - I babysit my firstborn every other weekend and I always pay maintenance on time - so basically I go above and beyond.

AIBU to say that she is the very definition of a crazy ex?

Hi fellow mums, I'm breastfeeding and find it best to do so topless. But I'm so embarrassed because the window cleaner appeared just as I'd finished, so he saw everything. Please share your similar experiences of flashing both breasts to strangers, in graphic detail, preferably using pornographic language.
Also as a new mum we don't believe in smacking, but if your parents believed in corporal punishment please describe it in full.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

If a man created this thread aimed at all women there would be outcry. This is so hypocritical.

It's aimed at mantrolls, you absolute melt

@arcof

Hi ladies

There's a woman I see on the bus and I asked her out once and she said no which I found odd and put it down to her having a bad day. I began following her (discretely!) off the bus and identified where she lived so I sent her some flowers. Next time I saw her she blanked me. I put it down to me having my hair cut and some new clothes, probably didn't recognise me. So then I found her work place and went in as a customer and asked her out again and she said no again, probably just embarrassed in front of the other customers. I saw her again on bus so sat next to her and tried to make small talk, she got up and stood next to the driver, probably due feeling motion sick.

So am I reading the signs right that she really likes me too?

This is brilliant. 👏👏👏

her Nana (96F) just died.

I laughed a lot more than I should at this!

@KaptainKaveman

In an obscure way this could be called funny but you must admit it is extremely sexist.

Mans perspective here, absolutely nothing sexist about this, perfectly fine, no red flags here. This has been my opinion, and you are welcome

I need help form all you lovely girls, please.

I’ve been with my partner for 15 years now and love her very much. We have two children and I love being a dad. Family is everything to me.

Im a traditional man and it’s causing some conflicts within our relationship.

I grew up with a dad that worked and a mum who stayed home and I want the same for my children. My partner went part-time after our first was born, but didn’t go back after the second kid as the childcare she was paying was almost as much ad she was earning so not worth her while.

I earn £80k, have a great pension, nice company car, and am happy to pay for everything. I bought the house before we met so it’s in my name and I have £200k of equity in it. I pay for all bills and even give my partner £200/month for herself to get her bails done, buy a magazine, clothes and days out for the kids etc. I feel like she doesn’t appreciate this even though I never complain about handing it over to her when I withdraw it from my bank account.

Like I said, I’m an old-fashioned guy and support my partner in staying home but she doesn’t seem to appreciate how lucky she is. All I ask is that she does 100% of the housework, life admin, cooking, and childcare. I also ask her to buy all birthday and Christmas gifts and cards for my side of the family because we all know that women like to shop.

I don’t ask for much. Sunday roast on the table once I get in from golf, my castle kept nicely, kids well taken care of.

Like I said, I’m old-fashioned and like traditional family values.

Anyway, now she’s on about getting married, for some mad reason. She said it’ll protect her if we split or if anything happened to me. Something about my pension and inheritance tax? I tell her not to worry her pretty little head as I’ve made sure that the kids are provided for if I died, and my family would make sure that she’s well taken care of if the worst was to happen.

How do I make her see that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper, and she should spend less time going on about it, and more time being a a traditional house non-wife?

I had seen the original deletion message and came on here all prepared to be frowning & tutting about how nasty it was ...

Well, I was wrong as a) the posts are hilarious (MN truly at its best) & b) more seriously, they are so spot on about the type of knobheads who do post here, amazingly done. ⭐️

@SpindleWhorl 🤣

Man here.

Just popping on to say that some of us are nice, especially me. I love to give pleasure to my woman, and am available if any of you lovely ladies would like to drop me a PM.

I've sent you a message xxx

I think I just ate a fat ball.

Got any more?