Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

290 replies

Whadda · 20/08/2021 19:14

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

OP posts:
Treezan82 · 25/08/2021 17:34

Hi girls. Just after some advice about my 6 month old son from some females such as yourselves. You are all just naturally so much better at parenting than us men. He is really clingy with my wife - wanting to be held while being fed, needing to be settled to sleep at night, wanting her to play with him in the day when she is not at work/doing housework. She's so exhausted that we haven't had sex in over a week. How can we train him so our marriage doesn't suffer? I suggested I babysit him one weekend for an hour so she can go and have some me-time, bikini wax or something, but she didn't seem too keen.

OurChristmasMiracle · 25/08/2021 17:36

So man here.

We are pregnant. She’s 37wks now and I don’t understand why I can’t still go out with the boys. It’s not like the baby is due to arrive for weeks yet! Can she not just let me have my freedom. I am also increasingly annoyed that people are asking her how she’s feeling and congratulating her on the pregnancy when all she’s done was lay back and I did all the work!

How do I get her to see how much hard work this pregnancy is for me? Also she spoke about night feeds- as something we would share but I’m going to need my sleep on a Saturday night after being out with the boys watching the footie.

SwanShaped · 25/08/2021 17:42

I’m on here to get your opinion on something. My wife gave me her opinion but I’ll only listen to her if it’s also backed up by other people on the internet. It’s not worth just taking her word for it.

Tangledtresses · 25/08/2021 17:42

Ha ha ha fucking brilliant 😀

Plumtree391 · 25/08/2021 17:47

@OurChristmasMiracle

So man here.

We are pregnant. She’s 37wks now and I don’t understand why I can’t still go out with the boys. It’s not like the baby is due to arrive for weeks yet! Can she not just let me have my freedom. I am also increasingly annoyed that people are asking her how she’s feeling and congratulating her on the pregnancy when all she’s done was lay back and I did all the work!

How do I get her to see how much hard work this pregnancy is for me? Also she spoke about night feeds- as something we would share but I’m going to need my sleep on a Saturday night after being out with the boys watching the footie.

You need to take care of yourself more than usual if you are pregnant, OurChristmasMiracle. You really are a miracle!
TheQueef · 25/08/2021 17:52

I'm going with a mass dick pic.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 25/08/2021 18:11

I need advice from you females.

I've found out that the love of my life, my soul mate, my everything, has been cheating on me.

She's 22 and from the moment I set eyes on her when picking my teenagers up from the pub I knew she was going to be mine. We had a long courtship and she eventually moved into my new bedsit (my ex is a crazy bitch who took me for every penny, the house, the car, the kids and the dog) a fortnight later because she was being made homeless.

Things were great, she's been on furlough for the last year and a half, so we spent every moment together, but then she announced that she was looking for a new job and started becoming secretive with her new phone. I mean, it's still left around but when I went to use it whilst she was asleep as normal, it came up with the fingerprint thing. I happened to use her laptop later at 4am and her email account asked for a password, too.

I didn't say anything, but then she got a new job and started doing things like buying clothes and getting her hair done, even wearing makeup to go to work. And then I saw a message come up on her phone from 'Sam' who is her new boss, asking her if she could work tomorrow. She says this Sam is a Samantha, but got really cagey when I said I wanted to come into her work and meet them, saying that I can't just walk into a Nursery full of children to say hello. Well, that's not true because I picked up one of the kids can't remember which one from Nursery once in 2004 and they said hello to me first.

My problem is that since I started picking her up from work to save her the 17.53 minutes home takes her to walk, she's been distant and on the last time I couldn't make it, she took 22 minutes and claimed she was talking to a parent. So I waited outside her work the following day with a big bunch of flowers and saw her smiling and speaking to a man. She reckons he's one of the parents and she wasn't flirting. She apologised and I thought everything was fine and we could get on with having a baby - she loves my kids, has been homeschooling them all through lockdown whilst I looked for a job, so I just know she'd be a brilliant mum.

Fast forward a month and I've come home from signing on to find all her stuff gone and she won't answer her phone and when I went to her work, they said she had left and said they'd call the police if I went there again.

I really love her, I can't eat, I can't sleep i can't operate the washing machine , she's my world. I can forgive her for cheating on me, but how do I tell her that when she won't even answer my 78 calls and 127 text messages on all forms of social media that I've sent her? Every couple has their ups and downs, but surely I've got a right to know where she is, that she's safe with this man and to tell her that I've found the glasses that fell off her head last Tuesday when she tripped and fell whilst we were discussing her finding a different job?

happydays2345 · 25/08/2021 18:20

🤮

topbloke · 25/08/2021 18:23

Hi ladies, what is my girlfriend is on about? She keeps calling me a cocklodger and I have no idea what she means. I would ask her, but she's gone to work by the time I get up in the morning and when she gets home I'm gaming so I can't ask her then either. I googled it and the first hit that came up was Mumsnet. Can you help?

MrsMackesy · 25/08/2021 18:38

Anyone fancy doing my washing?

Clocktopus · 25/08/2021 18:52

My youngest kid has recently left home and my wife has decided she's not going to make a roast dinner on a Sunday now, she says there's no point now it's just the two of us. She is also upping her hours at the office and is talking about "finally having her life back". I think she's been consorting with feminists, those office blocks are rife with them. They're going to tell her to divorce me, aren't they? Bloody man haters. So anyway, how do I get her to quit her job and start cooking Sunday dinners again?

stressyseptember · 25/08/2021 19:17

Separated from my wife 4 years ago cause she found a love letter I'd written to my 29 year old PhD student. Okay, I'd written it when she was sorting out our kids but I'd been feeling for quite some time that she wasn't giving the relationship/me appropriate time.

Anyhows, she now expects me to have the kids overnight once a week. Bugger that. She forced me to leave. Can't stand the way they drop their things everywhere. She should have taught them better than that. I've told her when the kids start Uni, I'll only pay towards the second one not the eldest.

ginandbearit · 25/08/2021 19:19

Hello ladies
Sad and confused man here..I love to show my good lady wife how much I love her by stroking her gorgeous bum every time I walk past her, gently fondle her boobs and sometimes jiggle them , and also grab her from behind to simulate the act of love in an affectionate and hopeful way to express my desire and admiration of her body ...she does not seem to like this very much and bats my hand away ....in the bedroom I try and lighten the mood when undressing by twirling my todger in the manner of a helicopter , as I have often done on rugby club socials, but she does not seem amused by this lighthearted accomplishment...and finally , after tasting and commenting on her cooking attempts in the kitchen I have been banned to our home office and will be sleeping on the couch ...please enlighten me ..what is a 'Spoony fucker'?

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 25/08/2021 19:26

Hello ladies.

I’ve finally retired, and have really been looking forward to spending time with the wife now I’ll be home all day, every day.

My question is; how long does it take you all to pop to the shops and fill up the car? It’s been three days now. Is this normal or is she just really inefficient?

Also, do many of you take a suitcase to Tesco for the bulky items? And your passport for ID?

KaptainKaveman · 25/08/2021 19:48

This really is a nasty, sexist thread.

ginandbearit · 25/08/2021 19:55

Hi man here ..bollocks ..its quite funny , sadly illuminating and should give food for thought ..now off you pop ..

ginandbearit · 25/08/2021 20:07

I was explaining the menopause to my good lady wife the other day , she kept on calling it the ' manopause ' , I corrected her a few times , but then she pushed me out of the house and said she meant what she said, she was having a pause from men ..or more specifically me...would flowers and chocolates win her back ..the service station is still open ..

Clocktopus · 25/08/2021 20:10

This really is a nasty, sexist thread

If it will make you feel better then feel free to post something about NAMALT. Go on. It'll be funny.

lachy · 25/08/2021 20:14

@KaptainKaveman

This really is a nasty, sexist thread.
Women have never faced sexism or nastiness from men have they?

Nah. They just make stuff up for shits and giggles.

banisher · 25/08/2021 20:20

Eh, ignore them. If they can't see the difference between taking the piss out of trolls, and taking the piss out of all men, that's their issue Grin

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 25/08/2021 20:25

If a man created this thread aimed at all women there would be outcry. This is so hypocritical.

BIWI · 25/08/2021 20:41

@KaptainKaveman

This really is a nasty, sexist thread.
Oh dear. Shall I pat you on your head?

Perhaps consider why so many have written posts like this?

I think it's brilliant.

Kudos for @MichaelMumsnet for undeleting it (although I missed why it had been deleted originally)

Byheckythump · 25/08/2021 20:44

@MrsMackesy

Anyone fancy doing my washing?
Good luck with that. I asked where my socks were days ago.
TrainspottingWelsh · 25/08/2021 20:59

Man here. So I had a drunken one night stand with some bird I met in the pub. Turns out the careless bitch wasn't on the pill and she's pregnant. Of course, being a decent bloke I told her I'd give her a lift when she went for the abortion but the slag wants to keep it. I've told her I won't be bankrolling it if she doesn't get rid like I told her to.
In this day and age when you can't even make a joke about your colleagues race or tit size why is it still ok to discriminate against men like me? Surely we should get to decide on whether a pregnancy continues? But no, it's all this touchy-feely bollocks about women's bodies. Feminism has a lot to answer for.

tattymacduff · 25/08/2021 21:08

@KaptainKaveman

This really is a nasty, sexist thread.
No, it is sadly a representation of real life for many women.
Swipe left for the next trending thread