Page 3 | Post here, but like a man who has just discovered MN.

PicsInRed · 20/08/2021 21:01

I laughed, I raged, I laughed again. 10/10

00100001 · 20/08/2021 21:07

@ThatLibraryMiss Amazing. CNA I check. I used a drill once, and the pointy twisty bit kept falling down whenever I let go of it. I put it against the wall and then used the motor handle bit to try and bash it in.

What did I do wrong?

Was I supposed to plug it in? There was a cord with a plug,but I think it's battery powered one..the plus was just for charging it up, right??

banisher · 20/08/2021 21:08

Hi ladies, I only post on the sex section here, so if you could repost over there, I'll get on telling you about my preferences in detail.

Mandatorymongoose · 20/08/2021 21:08

Hello Ladies!

My name is Brian from Hull and I wanted to share with you all an opportunity to make all your lives better...

I just need you to tell me a bit about your orgasms and I will take your yoni places it has never been before (hull).

Thank you for your feedback.

EccentricaGalumbits · 20/08/2021 21:12

Hello ladies,

I've joined Mumsnet just to post on the relationship board. I'm going to post a super long, flowery, detailed post about my marriage. Using really pompous, formal language.

In this post I'm going to detail all the ways in which I am a wonderful man, husband and father. Then I'm going to shred my wife's character while giving the impression that I really love and care for her and want to understand her better.

Of course what's really happening here is that I'm a cunt, and my wife has had enough of me and we had an argument. So I need you all to post messages of support, telling me how great I am and how unreasonable she is based on the manipulative, self serving half truths I wrote earlier.

Armed with dozens of replies telling me "I sound lovely" I can then further browbeat and gaslight my wife; tell her she's wrong, she's crazy, all the other women on the planet agree with me.

Thank you ladies, for enabling my psychological abuse of another woman, you're all brilliant.

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 20/08/2021 21:15

Hey females. Man here.

Have you heard of the G spot? It can help you orgasm better. Please buy my book on how to pleasure yourselves. Only £12.99

Or even better come to my workshop next month where I explain how females experience sexual pleasure (under 25s only please).

Clocktopus · 20/08/2021 21:15

Armed with dozens of replies telling me "I sound lovely" I can then further browbeat and gaslight my wife; tell her she's wrong, she's crazy, all the other women on the planet agree with me.

Is that you, Dad?

thisisthebestest · 20/08/2021 21:16

@EccentricaGalumbits

Hello ladies,

I've joined Mumsnet just to post on the relationship board. I'm going to post a super long, flowery, detailed post about my marriage. Using really pompous, formal language.

In this post I'm going to detail all the ways in which I am a wonderful man, husband and father. Then I'm going to shred my wife's character while giving the impression that I really love and care for her and want to understand her better.

Of course what's really happening here is that I'm a cunt, and my wife has had enough of me and we had an argument. So I need you all to post messages of support, telling me how great I am and how unreasonable she is based on the manipulative, self serving half truths I wrote earlier.

Armed with dozens of replies telling me "I sound lovely" I can then further browbeat and gaslight my wife; tell her she's wrong, she's crazy, all the other women on the planet agree with me.

Thank you ladies, for enabling my psychological abuse of another woman, you're all brilliant.

This is so spot on. (Glad you remembered to point out you are a man though Cos it's so hard to tell normally

)

TrainspottingWelsh · 20/08/2021 21:17

@arcof she must be a lesbian. You should tell her you're up for a three some with her and her girlfriend, that always gets the ladies hot. If she still says no, which is possible because some women are a bit up themselves like that, just shout 'fuck off then dyke I didn't fancy you anyway I just felt sorry for you'

Being called the wrong type of homosexual woman is hugely offensive, and she'll be devastated if she thinks a random wanker man doesn't fancy her. All women care about is impressing us boyz! I've found they are so hurt by my witty comeback their sobs sound like hysterical laughter.

Lillygolightly · 20/08/2021 21:21

So two years ago my ex wife threw me out after she found out I was having an affair with a work colleague. Work colleague and I got together properly and everything has been going great except for the fact that the kids seem to not like her and they moan when I leave them with her to go for a few drinks with my mates. Surely they should understand that I’ve been working hard all week and that the weekends are my time too and it’s only a few drinks in the few hours before they would be going to bed anyway!!! My girlfriend should understand this too, but she moans as well saying the kids are sulky and rude when I’m not there, but I know my kids and they would never behave like that. I’m sure they are just being shy, it’ll be ok once they all get used to each other, in fact I’m sure they’ll be having just as good a time with the girlfriend painting nails and doing hair while I watch the football down the pub, and I’m sure they’d prefer it to me watching the footy at home as then they wouldn’t be able to have Moana or Frozen on.

Anyway my girlfriend is quiet insecure so I pretty much just ignore the ex wife (as it’s easier) these days, she says we need to discuss the kids but they are my kids too and I don’t need her dictating terms to me, I know what’s going on with my own kids. I mean she should count herself lucky as I pay child maintenance and I have the kids every other weekend and take them to Macdonalds on Wednesdays and I’m pretty sure that I am doing more than most men would, I could have just walked away and left her in the shit but I didn’t, I’m a good guy and a good dad!!!

Anyway it now seems that the ex wife has given up trying to talk to me, about anything at all let alone the kids. I saw her last Friday when I went to pick up the kids and she looked really really good and I couldn’t help but check her out and compliment her, she completely blanked me though. Now I’m wondering if I’ve made a big mistake? Do you think she would have me back? I think she would, I don’t the she’s moved on or dating anyone else….I’m guessing she’s lonely and probably misses me.

Do you think I should get back together with the wife? Shall I take her flowers and her favourite chocolates when I drop the kids off on Sunday? Surely that will go down a treat right?! Let me know what you ladies think and if you have any good tips I’m all ears.

Thanks, Steve.

KateTheEighth · 20/08/2021 21:21

Oh Swiss Tony has joined MN

yellowsofa · 20/08/2021 21:22

Have you seen my car keys? Where have you moved them to?

feb2022 · 20/08/2021 21:23

If Jesus can walk on water,
Can he swim on land??

Mycatismadeofstringcheese · 20/08/2021 21:24

Hello ladies,

I don’t know what to do and I know you all have a hive mind. I just read a post on AIBU from a woman complaining about her husband spending all weekend doing his hobby. She wouldn’t say at first what the hobby was, but after 500 posts admitted it was cycling.

She’s clearly writing about me as I cycle at weekends while she does the housework. (I like to give her space so she can get in snd not get in her way).

I know not all the details lined up, we don’t live in Germany, the number of children and their ages and sexes were different, my parents don’t live next door, we don’t have a pet pig and I don’t have a handlebar moustache that I wax each morning, but maybe she changed a few minor details to throw me off the scent.

I mean it was clearly me she was talking about. Is she going to leave me?

What can I do to fix this? I will do anything (except talk to her and give up my outing hobby)

MNHQ

MichaelMumsnet · 25/08/2021 15:23

Man here. We've undeleted this one.

MedusasBadHairDay · 25/08/2021 15:39

Here's a link to a clickbait article where a woman has said something thoughtful and nuanced, but they've used a partial sentence from her in order to make her look unreasonable, in order to wind their readers up into a furious frothing rage.

I don't see how anyone could read this article and agree with modern feminism, I - definitely a woman - would like to be a SAHM but feminists aren't letting me. And the other day my darling imaginary daughter told me how she'd been bullied at school by some other girls therefore all women are mean bitches and feminism is definitely about hating men.

Please note, I will not be reading any of your thoughtful replies, I will instead mansplain feminism to you by using stereotypes that were old back in the days of the anti-sufffrage movement. I will also shout about choice a lot, choice is very important to me, as long as that choice benefits men in some way.

Plumtree391 · 25/08/2021 15:54

I am pleased to say that my lovely wife of ten years, mother to our two children, always orgasms when we make love, often two or three times. I feel so sorry for those on Mumsnet who have said they never orgasm with their partner.

Hen2018 · 25/08/2021 16:10

Do you want to know 100 ways to get out of paying child maintenance for a decade and a half? I’ve got all the goss!

lachy · 25/08/2021 16:25

Man Here.

Is my wife being unreasonable? We both work FT, and have a DD. My DW does all of the school runs because it's easier for her because she WFH and it doesn't matter if she's a bit late for her meetings.

The wife is pissed off with me at the minute. I can't do anything right...I did the washing up for her the other week, and I emptied the dishwasher, even though she's at home all day.

Last week she had to put the bin out because I forgot to do it. It's

lachy · 25/08/2021 16:27

This website is shit. why can't I edit my post?

Anyway, The wife is raging.

What do I do? I asked her if she was due on and she said I was "fucking unbelievable " so she probably is due on!

Byheckythump · 25/08/2021 16:27

Glad this has been resurrected because it's funny because it's important you ladies get expert advice. AMA. In the unlikely event that I don't have an opinion, I can ask my mates down the pub and get back to you asap.

ImAddictedToMyPhone · 25/08/2021 16:28

@Whadda

Hi ladies.

Pretend Man here.

I’m (40M) really concerned about my relationship with my beautiful wife. She’s 34, and an incredible mother to our two amazing boys. She’s stunning and I tell her this every day. I take care of myself too and go to the gym sixteen times a week. Other women have told me I’m a 9 but I dunno, I’d say 8, tops. I’m modest.
We make love twice a week and it’s always very tender and loving, our love-making. Passionate too. Gentle.

So my darling lady wife has been going through a tough time lately and I wanted some advice from you women because I know you all think alike and I figure it’s easier to ask you than to actually speak to her. But don’t worry, I know that not all women are alike so very interested to hear from as many of you who agree with me and want to fawn over me as possible.

She’s been made redundant, her father has a terminal illness, she’s undergoing some tests for a serious medical issue, and her Nana (96F) just died.

I think this has all been making her quite emotional, for some reason. I know you ladies get emotional at times so I’ve done everything I can to help her. Last week I babysat the children while she went to the funeral. I’m trying really hard and don’t think she appreciates me.

So what I wanted to ask is, would I be unreasonable to fuck her best friend because that’s pretty much the reason I posted here to begin with and everything else I said is just padding?

I laughed so hard. Sorry. 😂😂

BarefootHippieChick · 25/08/2021 16:29

Dave the builder here. Hope you pretty young ladies might be able to help me. When I'm toiling hard on a building site or driving along in my white van and spot a nice bit of totty (blonde hair, big tits, looks like Pamela Anderson from Baywatch, you know the type) and I wolf whistle or beep my horn, they always ignore me. My mate reckons they must suffer from some kind of unfortunate hearing loss. Any of you lovely lasses can confirm that? Maybe I should beep louder in future and possibly even hang out the window so they definitely spot me?

BarefootHippieChick · 25/08/2021 16:30

Of course it's shit lachy it's run by women

PleasantBirthday · 25/08/2021 16:31

Man here. I don't know if I'm allowed to post on mumsnet. It's by parents for parents apparently but why is it called mumsnet not parentsnet? Why isn't there a dadsnet? You say there is, but it wasn't there when I didn't look for it so there isn't.

Anyway, we're pregnant and my wife refuses to allow my mother to be at the birth. She says she'd be "embarrassed" and "humiliated" and is saying that if I don't stop talking about it, I won't be there either. How can I get her to see sense and respect my rights?