Anyone else very financially comfortable but spend SO much time thinking about money

[Marni83]

I earn a good salary
In addition my ex husband is extremely wealthy and so I receive a very large monthly maintenance for our two children.

However in recent years I have become very money focussed. Internally. I don’t ever talk about it but I think about it a lot.

I shop around online for hours trying to find the cheapest of something.
I will go way out of my way to save pennies on, say, bleach
Would never eat out with the children / very rarely buy ice creams etc. Instead I pack picnics ALL the time and bring ice creams in cool bags - meaning I’m always lugging so much around BUT saving, saving
I scour eBay for clothes, books etc
I would never buy myself a coffee
I use up everything in the fridge, never ever waste. I will eat something out of date in order not to waste (never the children though!)

But here’s the contradiction

I am very generous with friends
I splurge on incredible holidays for the children
I spend a small fortune on our home
I have a cleaner and a gardener
I go to a ridiculously expensive London hairdresser
I buy high end make up
My children go to private school (but I buy all uniform and kit second hand)
I drive an absolute banger of a car

It’s odd. I spend ages thinking about money. Budgeting endlessly
Future planning - paying off mortgage, what investments, pension

But then - absolutely splurge on other things.

I want to free myself from thinking about money so much.

Anyone else relate to this?

No one?

My ex used to say that to me. I refuse to buy the tea bags I like unless they are on offer yet I’ll happily spend £££ on face cream or bed sheets. I guess some things are just ‘worth’ more to me. I also am perfectly comfortable but think/worry about money a lot

Have you ever struggled for money?

If you didn’t scrimp in some ways, would it mean you couldn’t splurge on others? If so, if doesn’t sound too bad, if it means you get what’s important to you.

Oh I’m not alone!

I spend far too long looking for supermarket offers, scouring them all.

But then will put in an extra £1k in to my mortgage that month and splurge on a £100 face cream!

I would see many of those things as positives. Not wasting food and not buying new clothes is good for the environment, so they are win wins. I also shop around for things at the cheapest price - why wouldn't I? It's my money, I work hard for it, why would I throw it away? I think buying coffees to take out is incredibly wasteful. For me money saving is bit a challenge and a bit of a hobby.

I also spend a lot on things I believe are really worth it. In my case it is holidays.

I might be reading your OP wrong but it does rather seem like you're happy to spend money on what benefits you/gives you bragging rights (private school, ridiculously expensive face cream) while your children have tatty old uniform and never get taken out for treats and have to have a miserable value choc ice when everyone else is at the ice cream van. Maybe buy a £30 face cream and the odd 99?

@MyFloorIsLava

I might be reading your OP wrong but it does rather seem like you're happy to spend money on what benefits you/gives you bragging rights (private school, ridiculously expensive face cream) while your children have tatty old uniform and never get taken out for treats and have to have a miserable value choc ice when everyone else is at the ice cream van. Maybe buy a £30 face cream and the odd 99?

Absolutely reading wrong

“Tatty” because second hand? Don’t be a snob. Absolutely not.

Bragging rights from expensive face cream? Tucked away in t bathroom cabinet that no one but me sees

Never get taken out for treats? I pack picnics and ice teams for when we have days in theme parks, day trips to the beach, to London etc. Plus picnics are lovely (but do involve me looking like a donkey car horse for the day)

So no. You are very wrong

I'm quite similar.

For me I really begrudge spending extra on something if I can get it cheaper. As PP said, I work very hard for my income, why should someone else benefit.
However I do feel there has to be a balance in life. I don't mind the occasional coffee, lunch out etc.

As said I suppose somethings just feel worth it and some things don't.

I think it gives you a semblance of control to do the bargain hunting. And justifies the splurges.

@rattlemehearties

I think it gives you a semblance of control to do the bargain hunting. And justifies the splurges.

I think may be an element of that.

I see some of it as a bit selfish.
Happily spend to make your life easier, nicer, luxuries.
But won't buy your kids an ice cream which let's face it is maybe £3 max each once in a while.
A pub meal that could be £30 once in a while.
What about when your kids want to go into town with mates and want £10/20/30 or whatever for a cinema trip, popcorn and drink.? Will that be a no too because its a waste?
Some priorities are massively wrong.

I'm. Probably as bad in the other way. I'll go round with cheap leggings or not have my hair cut for 6 months or more so my kids get lovely days out, I've creams, lovely clothes etc.. And yes I know I'm wrong because we have to look after ourselves too. I can't find a happy medium but no way would my kids not have a few simple things so I could have a nice face cream.!

I spent years making picnics, lugging them along until one day I thought fuck it. We now buy drinks and lunch (often greggs, subway, chippy) and a slush puppy is far nicer than a warm bottle of water. It makes days out so much more joyous!

On the other hand, I don't think I've spent more than a tenner on a face cream!

It's about spending money on what makes you happy I guess!

Reading your OP it almost sounds like a form of OCD. It sounds like this takes up your whole life. Do you work? Have interests? Go out with friends?

I find it sad that you never eat out with your children or let them buy an ice cream. These are very simple pleasures.

Have you ever struggled for money?

I grew up very poor, watching my parents count pennies and hide from debt collectors in the kitchen, shushing us kids so that they thought no one was in. Dh and I have also had some very lean times in the past (although not to this extent).

Although I now spend a lot on nice holidays and days out, nicer things in general - some of the budgeting behaviours are so ingrained in me I can't imagine them ever leaving.

We shop in Lidl mainly. We could afford to shop in the local Sainsburys which is much closer, more convenient and affordable for us - but I still travel across town to Lidl. I just can't abide the thought of spending £120 on a shop I could get in Lidl for £60.

I also count as I shop. I don't need to anymore, but I did our of necessity for years. I do it so automatically now I can't not. I always know my trolley value to the penny, it blows dh's mind as I just walk around chatting as normal and at the end am like 'right that's £86.12' 😂

I also search for deals religiously when I splurge. If I can get a £900 TV for £850 after 3 hours of research of codes and offers I will. Even though, as dh points out, had I just done 3 hours of overtime in work instead and bought the £900 TV from the first shopping result, I would have earnt far more than the £50 I saved and have been better off and less stressed as a result. It makes no sense but I still do it.

My parents were extremely tight when I was growing up. No pocket money, inadequate clothes (I had to wear my mums clothes to non uniform day in secondary), no trips out with friends. Then we had amazing holidays, like Barbados, Malaysia, staying in fancy hotels.

I resented them for it during my teenage years and try to strike a balance with my two. How old are your children?

I'm quite similar. I'm quite careful with money in some ways - buy lots of clothes from eBay, love a bargain, drive an old car, home hair dye kits.

But we overpay our mortgage, spend lots of money on food and drink and love going away when possible.

The ice cream thing is weird. Don't they melt?
Lugging around a coolbag with loads of insulating materials to save a couple of pounds on ice creams for your children is bonkers.

I like a good deal and do spend a lot of time thinking about money. Every time I buy something I think about whether I need it or if I could get it cheaper. That is not a bad thing. Some people are spenders and don't think about prices too much but most people aren't and it doesn't depend on income.

As for consumption choices, everyone is different. There are things that I buy that people would think is crazy but then I don't understand spending £50k on a car, for example.

I don't think it's too much of a problem since you splurge on some areas. It would be different if you were tight with everything.

Actually never eating out with your dc is a bit odd

I resented them for it during my teenage years and try to strike a balance with my two. How old are your children?
This. Its going to be a lot harder to explain to a teenager why they have to wear someone else's used clothes whilst you are slathering on the creme de la mer.
What do you do when you have their friends out with you for days out/cinema/playdates. Do you never buy them food whilst out? An ice cream?

I buy dc 2nd hand uniform, it's not all 2nd hand but absolutely nothing wrong with that. I often buy 2nd hand books too.

@Marni83 Pretty normal, I'd say.

Why can't your kids have an ice cream that is only available at the venue or from an ice cream truck?

It sounds very controlling actually, which often comes from an experience in life making us feel powerless and anxious. In order to feel OK you dictate what the intrinsic value of things are and prioritise your own high value experiences/goods, some of which benefit the children.