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Original poster

Anyone else very financially comfortable but spend SO much time thinking about money

128 replies

Marni83 · 19/08/2021 08:31

I earn a good salary
In addition my ex husband is extremely wealthy and so I receive a very large monthly maintenance for our two children.

However in recent years I have become very money focussed. Internally. I don’t ever talk about it but I think about it a lot.

I shop around online for hours trying to find the cheapest of something.
I will go way out of my way to save pennies on, say, bleach
Would never eat out with the children / very rarely buy ice creams etc. Instead I pack picnics ALL the time and bring ice creams in cool bags - meaning I’m always lugging so much around BUT saving, saving
I scour eBay for clothes, books etc
I would never buy myself a coffee
I use up everything in the fridge, never ever waste. I will eat something out of date in order not to waste (never the children though!)

But here’s the contradiction

I am very generous with friends
I splurge on incredible holidays for the children
I spend a small fortune on our home
I have a cleaner and a gardener
I go to a ridiculously expensive London hairdresser
I buy high end make up
My children go to private school (but I buy all uniform and kit second hand)
I drive an absolute banger of a car

It’s odd. I spend ages thinking about money. Budgeting endlessly
Future planning - paying off mortgage, what investments, pension

But then - absolutely splurge on other things.

I want to free myself from thinking about money so much.

Anyone else relate to this?

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 19/08/2021 11:13

I get it. I’ve become quite preoccupied with paying off the mortgage and saving extra into my pension & investments. I try not to be tight day to day but I really value financial security & want to retire early! That’s more important to me than buying takeaways, expensive cars etc.

You sound sensible to me but I’d definitely relax on the ice creams & meals out for your children.

Notradespeopleareavailable · 19/08/2021 11:16

Read "The Millionaire Next Door" by Thomas Stanley. I think a lot of posters on here (and the OP) will see a lot of themselves in this.

DGFB · 19/08/2021 11:23

Can’t you just go to the nearest supermarket for ice creams? That’s what I do.. always find somewhere close

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Chickychickydodah · 19/08/2021 11:31

If your so well off send me some money then, I need new glasses and can’t afford them

Sakari · 19/08/2021 11:32

Hilarious all the people trying to shame the OP for not buying her children new school uniforms and ice creams. She sends them to private school ffs, she could get a load more face cream if she decided to stop that. In my experience kids don't care about new school uniforms (and the pp who said you can tell, what a load of rubbish).

All the hair shirt wearers who can't spend a penny on themselves, it all has to go to the kids, how do you think they feel about this? My mother was like this and by the time I was a teen I was incredibly uncomfortable with the situation. I was simultaneously angry at the way she treated herself, embarrassed that she always looked so badly put together and I didn't respect her because she didn't respect herself.

OP, I'm a bit like you and to be honest I see it a bit like a habit going over into an addiction. I spend hours browsing online for bargains. I found one way to deal with it was to really consider what I was saving and what I was using the saving for. It mainly turned out I was just buying other stuff I didn't really need. I think the only real solution is to try to stop buying things that aren't essentials but that's much easier said than done with kids.

WTF475878237NC · 19/08/2021 11:39

Buying second hand is so much better for the planet. No shaming from me there. But taking a Solero on ice is just odd.

RampantIvy · 19/08/2021 11:41

@WTF475878237NC

Buying second hand is so much better for the planet. No shaming from me there. But taking a Solero on ice is just odd.
Precisely
AdmiralCain · 19/08/2021 12:00

I'm the same OP, own my house outright, no debt but I'm brassic AF!
Everything is second hand, clothes, books, new but unopened things on ebay, my house should be called ebay cottage, I'll spend £1 on my tea everynight, Lintels cous cous etc. Christ I'll even put a toilet cube in the downstair toilet then when it's done, transfer the water to the upstairs toilet so I don't have use 2 cubes!!! It's a game and I love it.

When I'm out with friends I will pay for everything, i'll never be stingy, I get people incredible presents, lend friends 4 figure sums if they're in trouble.

it's a huge divide in my life i'm trying to figure out. As a kid we were poor and everything was hand me downs and by the grace of others. I guess the poor script has been written into me and it's hard to break the habbit. somethings i'm money blind with others I'll pick something in the supermarket for £1.99 and go 'nah I can't afford that'

overwork · 19/08/2021 12:20

I'm sure I once read on here about the psychology of spending? So everyone will have things which it seems reasonable to spend money on, and things which seem a waste. It won't necessarily change even when you have enough money. That really made sense to me, I have never wanted to spend money on clothes or cars, even now that I could afford to. Holidays, presents and food on the other hand, I'm all in. I can't remember the in's and out's but it was an interesting thread and maybe that is what is going on with you.

TreeSmuggler · 20/08/2021 04:37

Most of the things sound quite reasonable. Buying second hand where possible and not wasting food should be a way of life for everyone. Out of date food - fine, use by dates are just a guide and usually very conservative, best before dates mean exactly that and the food can be safely eaten long after that. To me, the people that would eat something at 11.59 pm but then throw it away at 12.01 am on the use by date are the ones that haven't really thought it through.

Not buying take away food and drinks is healthy. It's nice to have a treat occasionally but most of us don't need the calories of a daily cappuccino habit.

TreeSmuggler · 20/08/2021 04:41

Also "hours spent scouring for bargains", depends whether you like doing that. Many people like shopping and it is their hobby. So the hours spent scouring are enjoyable.

Luckyelephant1 · 20/08/2021 04:45

I don't think it sounds too bad but just buy your kids a maccy d's or a 99 once in a while at least. Do they ever feel that you're denying them things?

Feather12 · 20/08/2021 04:45

I am the other way to you. I spent a fortune on my children, but always felt too guilty to treat myself. I have a good balance now though, I treat myself loads but still treat my kids (grown)

mayblossominapril · 20/08/2021 05:02

I think it sounds ok. Similar to what I do, although I have much less income. We have mainly picnics and I do take ice lollies out with me (CMPA, dreadful upset if There’s nothing milk free available) I’ve go so used to taking food with me it seems a waste to buy anything out.
I do search for good deal etc and it is a bit of an interesting thing to do on the internet. Sometimes I do surveys . I wouldn’t say it’s a hobby but a time filler for me.

Coachradley · 20/08/2021 05:04

Save to splurge…simples

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 20/08/2021 06:29

I do this. I’m happy to do another £100 for more credits on my audible but will hmmm and haaaaa over £8 slippers at Tesco as I think they are too much.
I think it’s about what u find important

ToLiveInPeace · 20/08/2021 07:12

Our income is ok but I need to budget carefully. Mostly it's about saving money but I'm aware that my frugality can be rather joyless. My way around this is to have budget lines for eating out and other occasional luxuries. If I had kids, I would definitely allocate money for ice creams and other treats. It's kind of acknowledging that some spending enhances life and giving myself permission to do it.

gogohm · 20/08/2021 07:34

Me! Lidl for shopping, don't even have a cleaner but in my case I'm stuffing money into isas etc so I can retire quite early, my dp is a bit older so I'll have a gap between retiring and getting my pension

Littlecloud19 · 20/08/2021 07:50

I'm like this OP, although we're comfortable rather than wealthy.

I had a traumatic childhood and suspect it's linked to that. Also, DH has ADHD and would spend money all the time (and hoard) if I didn't keep a rein on things.

But, it concerns me how much headspace and energy my frugality takes up - eg I spend far too long cleaning when we should probably employ a cleaner at least now and again.

We splurge on eating out but could spend more on holidays - eg we've just come back from a camping trip when we could have gone to a hotel - but I think many hotels are overpriced at the moment and won't 'waste' money on them.

I draw the line at trying to cook all meals (and wash up) on campsites though, hence the splurge on eating out.

TabbyStar · 20/08/2021 07:59

Listen to Ramit Sethi I will teach you to be rich podcast. Breaks down issues around the psychology of money, it's focused on couples but there's stuff in there of interest to anyone about how life experiences and personality affects your approach to money.

Roselilly36 · 20/08/2021 08:17

I had to smile when I read your post!

I am a bit like this, I check the price of everything and won’t buy it unless it represents good value for money for me.

I am very generous to others.

It’s just the way I am, I can’t see it changing.

Oblomov21 · 20/08/2021 08:21

Is it worth it? What are you gaining here? Spending hours to save 32 pence on bleach is not cost effective, or worth the time and energy emotionally.

I don't get how this is worth it. Is your self worth lacking? It seems out of balance, out of kilter. What is the source, the core problem here. Can you adjust all this?

1AngelicFruitCake · 20/08/2021 08:27

I take picnics on days out but I’d never take ice-creams! There’s got to be some form of fun!
I also agree with the other poster about you spending loads on a face cream but not on small treats for your children. Great they go on expensive holidays but maybe they’d prefer less expensive holiday and more little treats through the year. I also hunt for bargains and get obsessive with saving and I’ve got enough day to day with a lot in savings (nothing like what you have) so do recognise this behaviour. I need to give myself a shake sometimes and remember not to take the joy out of everything! So on a November day we might go for a walk but then I’ll treat my children to a hot chocolate. I think this is a nice compromise compared to some of my friends who pay for an attraction, lunch out, drinks and snacks and the gift shop on a regular basis😮 That’s going too far the other way in my opinion as their children have come to expect it.

eurochick · 20/08/2021 09:05

I'm a less extreme version of this.

My child is also at private school and has a mix of new and second hand uniform. All the parents I know there use the PTA shop for some bits. I also like taking picnics on days out, but a cool box for ice creams is crazy!I wouldn't say I spend a lot of time thinking about money though. The last time I did was when I was a student on an extremely tight budget.

PS to whoever was sceptical about children enjoying five star Maldives holidays, mine certainly did. There was a great kids club, swimming pools, snorkelling, fish around your feet as you paddled, rays, tropical reefs, boat trips, endless sand and a huge buffet restaurant. She has been asking to go back ever since!

birdsong7 · 20/08/2021 09:20

This is a very odd thread.
You won't buy the nice things your kids like unless it's on offer in a supermarket or buy them an ice cream on a day out which is probably pennies to you from what youve said?
Yet you'll spend 100's on face cream? Fyi, £30 face cream can be just as good.

My children always come first. Regardless of how grand the day out is, I couldn't possibly deny my children a treat knowing full well we could afford it.