Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

As I get older I like my own company more and doing things with other people less!

125 replies

Chloeblue · 17/08/2021 17:57

I'm mid 40s and until now I felt like I had to have lots of friends, should enjoy doing things in big groups, should enjoy parties, should be more outgoing, when in actual fact I'm an introvert and love my own company, have always, but felt I should push myself. For a long time I walked and hiked in a big group, whereas now I know I enjoy nothing more than a peaceful walk by myself, the same with socialising, I can't be bothered anymore with big parties, get-togethers. I'm so happy I've finally seen the light and can just be me! I think the ending of my five year relationship six months ago has reinforced this. I'd love to hear from others who feel the same.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 17/08/2021 18:09

You sound like me op
I find other people increasingly exhausting as I get older (late 40s now) I enjoy my own company much more and have realised that I'm much more of an introvert than I realised
I still socialise but on my own terms. No more doing stuff constantly with people I don't want to spend time with

lucysmam · 17/08/2021 18:24

Yep. I'm 10000000% with you on this.

I'm not quite 40 & cba with people most of the time 🤷‍♀️

ChequerBoard · 17/08/2021 18:26

Me too. I'm 50 and am turning into a hermit...

aerosocks · 17/08/2021 18:27

Join the club!!!

No, wait.... Grin

BobbinThreadbare123 · 17/08/2021 18:28

Same. I have ASD and while I can enjoy a party now and then, I feel exhausted by social engagements. People are bafflingly rude and I now CBA to try and figure any of it out like I did when I was younger. Sounds like this isn't just a facet of my neurodiversity though Grin

Sarahlou63 · 17/08/2021 18:28

I'm with you (or not, as we both prefer!). Thankfully I spend most of my time with my animals.

Dillydollydingdong · 17/08/2021 18:30

Much prefer my own company or that of my dp. No big gatherings thankyou.

SmallGreenStripes · 17/08/2021 18:31

Me and DH too. Just like our own and each other’s company. And the DC.

Everyone else can keep away

DustySpringboard · 17/08/2021 18:40

I'm not an introvert (dh is though) but in recent years I've definitely quietened down our social life and rarely go to big parties unless I really want to. Likewise spending all and every weekend socialising. Now it's smaller groups, throw an occasional dinner party, more meeting out for dinner so can be home and in bed by midnight!

Maybe it's an age thing as am early 50's now

Hardbackwriter · 17/08/2021 18:43

@SmallGreenStripes

Me and DH too. Just like our own and each other’s company. And the DC.

Everyone else can keep away

This is lovely and great for you and DH but do just keep an eye on any impact on the DC. My DH's parents have/had this attitude and they're lovely (as is he!) and were generally great parents but there's lots of ways that you can tell that he was raised by people who didn't like other people and I don't think it's an ideal form of parenting tbh
Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh · 17/08/2021 18:45

Introvert here.
I was just thinking the other day how I used to go out partying in uni and wondered why I don’t want go out or meet up with people these days when I used to enjoy it.
The difference is alcohol. I used to go out to drink and, as it lowered my inhibitions (far too much!), the socialising was fine.
I’m now nearly 50 & teetotal and I’m just happier in my own company or with DH.

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 17/08/2021 18:50

I enjoy my own company, and that of DH. I enjoy the company of other people in regular yet short bursts.
I can do socialising and appear quite good at it, but it's such a relief to go home!
I don't feel the pressure to go to a lot of things really.

Turkishangora · 17/08/2021 18:51

Am with you, late 40s and only really enjoy socialising one on one. No more big groups, I find it boring as there's usually someone in the group who dominates and just talks about themselves. The idea of a "girls night out" makes me shudder. Happy to meet up with one friend at once though for a couple of hours but that's enough. One of my closest friends is massively extroverted, in fact I'd say socially promiscuous and her need to always be surrounded by a throng of people means we're drifting a bit as I just can't do big groups or parties

strelitzialady · 17/08/2021 18:57

Nearly 50 and it's happening to me too! Days before lockdown we moved to a house on a large plot with amazing views and was only here a few days when wfh suddenly started. I feel like I've disappeared but from my window where I spend all day I can see everything!

Nicnic91 · 17/08/2021 19:01

God yes. Got 5 days alone coming up and can’t wait! Whilst I can be sociable and entertaining I find it drains me and I need downtime to recharge. Have often wondered if potentially on the autistic spectrum. Love my own company!

Anordinarymum · 17/08/2021 19:02

I'm a little older. I enjoy meeting people and going out and socialising, but in equal measure I also like my own company.

When my family have all fled the nest and I sell this house, I want a cottage in the woods where I can play my music and do as I please.

I will emerge from time to time to be sociable but I will retreat to my own domain and take no prisoners apart from the dog :)

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 17/08/2021 19:09

@Turkishangora there's usually someone in the group that dominates and just talks about themselves
Ain't that the truth!

Wargghhhh · 17/08/2021 19:15

Agree with all the above, in my 20s I was massively into clubbing, went backpacking for 12 months on my own etc and had the time of my life.

I'm now late 40s and teetotal, not a fan of big nights out anymore, hate socialising with groups and would much rather meet a friend for coffee and cake!

That being said, now I've given up the drink, my invites to social events with friends have dwindled massively and yet despite not wanting to go on these nights out I'm feeling a bit peeved that nobody invites me anymore!

Ponkypig282 · 17/08/2021 19:18

I've just turned 40 and I feel exactly the same. I find socialising absolutely exhausting. I spent 5 hours with a friend and our DC last week and I came away from it feeling like I wanted to cry. I love nothing more than being home alone or out walking with the dog. It's the chit chat that I'm struggling with so much. Just mindless drivel and me drivelling back. It saps my soul. I think lockdown helped me embrace being an introvert, it was incredibly liberating not to feel the pressure to be someone I'm not ans I'm finding it really difficulties to go back to how I was before.

TellySavalashairbrush · 17/08/2021 19:42

Im exactly the same , late 40s but I’ve always been an extroverted introvert.
Dh is away for a week and adult dc have left home now. I am loving having the house to myself. Dh is an extrovert and finds it difficult to understand why I need time to myself. It has caused arguments I must admit.

user1471453601 · 17/08/2021 19:46

Another one who loves company, in moderation. If I had to choose to be always alone, or always with others, no competition, I'd sooner be alone.

I have a friend whose the opposite. It seems she cannot be alone, or quiet, or sit in silence.

We are all different. I try to understand her need for (to my mind) constant external stimulation. She tries to understand my need for peace and being on my own.

I'm an introvert in the sense that I recharge my batteries by being alone and quite. I'm not even remotely shy or lacking in the ability to get on with others (or any of the other values others some times pin on introverts), I'm just content in my own company.

I think my mentality was built for lock down😂.

Moonface123 · 17/08/2021 19:54

I love my life and happy to live like a little hermit.
I can enjoy things at my own pace, so simple.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of life, you can just be yourself. I found l ended up losing parts of myself trying g to fit in with others. I do still go out and do things with others but l also love my own quiet time and l seldom invite people around as l treasure my own space.

DramaAlpaca · 17/08/2021 19:57

I'm in my 50s and the older I get the more I love my own company.

freelions · 17/08/2021 19:59

Very much like @DustySpringboard

I am much more selective about what social events I agree to now than I used to be. I do enjoy seeing friends but prefer smaller gatherings than huge parties.

I really value having time to myself!

Kris02 · 17/08/2021 20:02

God yes. I had bad social anxiety as a teenager (actually, I think I have an avoidant personality disorder). But I still forced myself to go out. I didn't want to be the saddo with no friends. Never enjoyed it though. I hated meeting new people, found parties and clubs too much, and just generally hated being young. But it was always my dirty little secret. I pretended to enjoy socializing because I was scared how others would react if I stayed at home and watched TV with my parents (which is what I really wanted to do). And I really loathed the loud extroverts. They were like gods when I was a teenager, and many of them were basically bullies.

Since I turned 40, I have been a thousand times happier. In fact, I'd say the last 4 years (I'm 44) have been the happiest of my life. I no longer care what the noisy extroverts think, and I won't let them pressure me into going places. The extroverts have it good when they're young, while the introverts come into their own in middle and old age. I'd say I've got happier and happier as every year has gone by. It's like breathing out a long sigh of relief. At last I can just potter in the garden, paint, read, learn Spanish, and watch DVD boxsets. It's bliss.

Most people aren't worth knowing. They're either vile (narcissistic, spiteful, nosy, users, etc), or nice enough but boring. I'm incredibly choosy now. If I make a couple of new friends who are cheerful and funny and kind and share my interests, then great. I'd love a day out in London or Oxford - browse some bookshops, visit an art gallery, have a few glasses of wine somewhere, etc. If not, that's fine too. I think I'd be happy never to leave my cosy little house ever again. I honestly think that if I had a beautiful place in the cotswolds, filled with books and paintings and so on, I'd be a hermit - but a happy hermit.