As I get older I like my own company more and doing things with other people less!

[Chloeblue]

I'm mid 40s and until now I felt like I had to have lots of friends, should enjoy doing things in big groups, should enjoy parties, should be more outgoing, when in actual fact I'm an introvert and love my own company, have always, but felt I should push myself. For a long time I walked and hiked in a big group, whereas now I know I enjoy nothing more than a peaceful walk by myself, the same with socialising, I can't be bothered anymore with big parties, get-togethers. I'm so happy I've finally seen the light and can just be me! I think the ending of my five year relationship six months ago has reinforced this. I'd love to hear from others who feel the same.

I am the same, joined a cold water swimming group and then felt guilty that J didn't want to go when they did... do my own thing now.
Also. love a museum alone so J can read everything without feeling guilty...

I’m in my late 60’s and love my own company; with the dog I can wander miles quite happily, pop into a coffee shop or sit and look at the countryside.
I frequently wish I lived alone with just my dog. That would be perfect.

hated socialising but put it down to spending so much time in a people facing role, talking to dozens of people every day , many of them difficult. As lockdown loomed i was dreading being on my own but it was brilliant and i realised i was using work as a mask to hide behind.
Shame i had to go back , currently exploring workstreams that will reduce my contact with people to the ones i choose to spend time with

I think as you get older you are less bothered about saying no to things. The FOMO isn't there for a lot of introverts anyway. I went out ("out out") on Friday and I had a lovely time, but I was with people I already know and didn't have to talk to anyone new, which is exhausting.

Late 30s and feel the same. Happy to be alone or with dh. But I always feel like I need to maintain friendships and make effort because I'm scared one day I will be lonely otherwise.

Snap. I’m quite an old bag now, though, so it’s allowed. (By me, anyway.)

We soon have to go to a very formal, very dressed-up do which I can’t possibly get out of (dh’s close family) and I’m dreading it. Since I know dh will probably want to stay until the bitter, very late end, I’m already thinking of calling an Uber earlier and slinking off home by myself. Don’t suppose I’ll actually do it though. 🙁

@Robertslane

I have mixed emotions about this. Edging toward 50 and I really do enjoy time alone (I have 3 dc at home) so within limits. I can easily potter around.

But like one poster mentioned, I too, have been let down a lot in life to a point, I find myself almost totally isolated from other adult company. I have a partner but tbh it is not great. It's Saturday night and I want to talk to someone. There are at least a few people I could message but I want a laugh and some company (but I suppose selfishly on my terms). I need to forge some new connections, I find this prospect overwhelming but if I don't do something I'll remain isolated.

I think if I was out and about a bit more (I am a sahm), I'd gladly shut the door at the end of the day and not worry. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by people - they drain me of energy whilst I am in their company so it doesn't exactly endear me to getting out there (hence vicious circle arises).

Reading this thread with interest.

I want a laugh and some company (but I suppose selfishly on my terms)

This ^
I loved living on my own, then I met dh.
Oh, I hanker for those days when I could do what I wanted.

During the week I like my own company.
Weekends however.......🎉

@Twatterati

Thanks *@Chloeblue*, I appreciate this. Sometimes I'm ok, especially when I've got my dog with me, as it's 'someone' to engage with!

It's a bit of a paradox really, because I look at other groups of women-friends who are out together and feel "oooh, that'd be nice..." when in reality I don't actually like it when it happens! But I also don't enjoy being totally isolated from human interaction either! And I don't bat an eyelid at other people out on their own, but I do feel like other people are judging me.

This is familiar to me too @Twatterati

I do make plans with people because I feel like should but I very very rarely ever look forward to actually seeing people. I always get a sense of relief and 'glad that's out the way for another few weeks'.

Yes yes me too OP!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER you need a dog, they're absolutely fantastic as an excuse for having to leave things early.

all of the above. I like being on my own so I can think my thoughts without constant interruption. I look at my Sil and her relationships with friends/family and I think 'nah'- that's not for me. On the times we visited my MiL the conversation was banal in the extreme and revolved around the doings of the neighbours -it was her world. Not mine. So I sits and contemplates - and it's very nice!!

I'm 37 and a SAHM. I feel this a bit. I love people and love meeting new people, and like to give everyone a chance. But, if I find that a friendship is causing more negatives than positives in my life or my family's life, I do not continue with it. Not to say I'd ghost or cut people out over something minor, but I just won't make plans with that person. The idea of knowing someone didn't like me used to freak me out a lot. Now I don't care. It's vey liberating!

And YY to not liking big gatherings. I hate them too

You can be alone without being lonely. And you can be lonely and miserable as hell in a crowd.

DH and I have decided we can never have guests again. It's just too much. They're always there

I do try and be sociable but honestly it's draining. I appreciate it when I get there but tbh the effort and time it takes me to recuperate makes me wonder if it's worth it. And the planning of these events 😱😒

Also, as I get older, I really do prefer to set the terms of any social engagements. Meeting for coffee in a café is my preference, not in someone's house (specially not mine). I HATE offers of exercising together... Why would you?! Omg the horror

I'm 28 and I've always been like this I work full time in a job I have to be very sociable and communicating all day 3 long days a week . It's nice just to switch off , I get all my socialising done at work and I spend the rest of time chilling out

I feel like this too, but have reached a point in my life where I can mostly avoid big events and awkward social occasions chatting with people I don’t know well. Unfortunately though DB and sil and dniece and dnephew are all massively extrovert and so keep throwing big events that they are upset if I don’t attend. Sils 50th in December and already dreading it. Everything they do seems to have to involve as many people as possible. As much as I love seeing them and immediate family I struggle with having to make conversation with their friends/ sil’s family all of the time.

I would describe myself as an outgoing introvert. I have no problem chatting to anyone, it's just that a lot of the time I don't want to. And my willingness to have those chats seems to be decreasing every year.

@Susannahmoody

DH and I have decided we can never have guests again. It's just too much. They're always there

I do try and be sociable but honestly it's draining. I appreciate it when I get there but tbh the effort and time it takes me to recuperate makes me wonder if it's worth it. And the planning of these events 😱😒

Myself and OH feel like this. We have recently met a couple of really nice couples and can feel the pressure to have them to dinner etc if they invite us. I would love to see them but not have them to stay or have them for dinner. So I find myself backing off. This is a bit sad, but I hate the pressure of socialising in that way and just can’t have overnight visits anymore. It’s too exhausting.

I live alone, and love it. I am 79 though, and suppose some oldies do feel alone living on their own, but that's not me, I am not anti social at all, But hate groupie things with women. There are groups for oldies in my village, but I can't be bothered with them.

I live in a little row of eight Victorian cottages, and get on with the neighbours. but they all go out to work in various occupations, so it's quiet here in the days, but I am always doing stuff to my old house, and doing gardening etc, and have plenty to do. But I do have three cats, as this is what you have when you are an oldie woman !!

@Meruem

I’m early 50s and feel the same. I spent lock down making my house and garden perfect (for me). I don’t mean by spending loads of money but making every where comfortable and cosy. So I have different rooms, or outside weather permitting, to “hang out” in. I also have 2 very affectionate and playful cats that I spend a lot of time with. I love just pottering around on my own. I love peace and quiet. No one else to please or answer to.

I won’t get into another relationship now because I feel I would just find it draining, rather than anything positive. I’m not shy at all, I’ll talk to anyone. But increasingly I find I just don’t want to. Being at home with my cats is my happy place.

I had a week on my own last year. Much to my surprise it was absolutely blissful. I haven’t been as happy for many many years. Me and the cat. I absolutely loved it. Unfortunately I don’t suppose it will happen again for a long time. Thinking of going away for a week on my own every year. There is something about being at home with your own stuff around you though which is so relaxing.

I live alone, and love it. I am 79 though, and suppose some oldies do feel alone living on their own, but that's not me

I think that some older people are so desperately lonely that they will sieze any chance of a conversation with people like the milk man, postman, etc.

Then there are those of us who really cant be bothered with other people and their concerns. I still run a business so if I take time to open the door to some random without an appointment then I could be neglecting a paying customer and/or losing money. I always ask which of these activities is most satisfying to me - speaking to a random or getting on with a scheduled activity. No contest.