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Original poster

As I get older I like my own company more and doing things with other people less!

125 replies

Chloeblue · 17/08/2021 17:57

I'm mid 40s and until now I felt like I had to have lots of friends, should enjoy doing things in big groups, should enjoy parties, should be more outgoing, when in actual fact I'm an introvert and love my own company, have always, but felt I should push myself. For a long time I walked and hiked in a big group, whereas now I know I enjoy nothing more than a peaceful walk by myself, the same with socialising, I can't be bothered anymore with big parties, get-togethers. I'm so happy I've finally seen the light and can just be me! I think the ending of my five year relationship six months ago has reinforced this. I'd love to hear from others who feel the same.

OP posts:

Kizzycardy · 19/08/2021 09:14

I am in complete agreement! 50 next month and the CBA-ness has been building nicely over lockdown. I think it’s an age thing too, I used to be quite a social animal. Now I feel I’ve wasted a weekend if I’m forced to spend it with anyone other than my cats.

Phyllis321 · 19/08/2021 09:19

I’m 50 and feel the same. I think it’s a very positive sign of coming to like and accept ourselves as we are, finally...

Meruem · 19/08/2021 10:05

I’m early 50s and feel the same. I spent lock down making my house and garden perfect (for me). I don’t mean by spending loads of money but making every where comfortable and cosy. So I have different rooms, or outside weather permitting, to “hang out” in. I also have 2 very affectionate and playful cats that I spend a lot of time with. I love just pottering around on my own. I love peace and quiet. No one else to please or answer to.

I won’t get into another relationship now because I feel I would just find it draining, rather than anything positive. I’m not shy at all, I’ll talk to anyone. But increasingly I find I just don’t want to. Being at home with my cats is my happy place.

aiwblam · 19/08/2021 10:08

Similarly aged and fed up with other people’s demands, foibles and flakiness. I like being at home with my family.

knackeredcat · 19/08/2021 10:29

Yes indeed. Forced myself to intergrate with people in my teens and twenties. Did enjoy going to clubs but more for the dancing and pulling back in the day, if truth be told. I never took drugs but would lose myself in the music. People were an afterthought. I never really had friends but would feel better meeting one or two people at a time for lunch or a drink even when younger.

Now in my 40s I find friendships exhausting so they've slid. I much prefer doing things by myself or with my OH. Lockdown has saw me thrive away from people and their dramas, and many seemingly more outgoing people are coming over to the introvert side in seeing that it can be a peaceful and fulfilling place to be.

Themadcatparade · 19/08/2021 10:36

Me too! I’m 31.

I have always been like this mainly due to social anxiety, needing the quiet headspace, people utterly drain me. I forced myself to be sociable in my youth and had a I got set of friends. I think the end of a relationship also made me drop it all and I had a lightbulb moment once when I was out having some drinks with a few friends clearly not enjoying myself. My friend (now my DP!) at the time had text me saying he had gone for a drive on his own on the hills and parked up and was watching the stars and I knew immediately where I’d rather be - away from the madness, on my own! I have always been this way but I always thought I had to go along with it all as well until I realised I didn’t. I have been happier since, and found a lovely man who is similar and understands my preferred way of life completely!

Original poster

Chloeblue · 19/08/2021 11:36

@Meruem I too now realise I'm happiest being single. I always felt I should be in a relationship because it's the done thing, but I find them draining also and I'm much more myself on my own. As I said, the ending of my last relationship was my 'lightbulb' moment!

OP posts:

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 19/08/2021 13:59

[quote Chloeblue]@Meruem I too now realise I'm happiest being single. I always felt I should be in a relationship because it's the done thing, but I find them draining also and I'm much more myself on my own. As I said, the ending of my last relationship was my 'lightbulb' moment![/quote]
Oh fuck yes. I’ve known for a long while now that I’m happiest & healthiest single.

Deadringer · 19/08/2021 14:05

I am the same. I in my 50s, live with dh and 4 dc, including two adults, and while we all get on well, i have decided that once the youngest is independant i want to live in my own place, on my own.

Twatterati · 19/08/2021 21:09

My people, finally!! I'm nearing 50 and have become more and more introverted as the years have gone on. Lockdown was an absolute dream and I had the best spring and summer ever (apart from missing my family a lot). I enjoy socialising at times, and am chatty and friendly, but also find it literally exhausting.

Trouble is I feel very awkward out on my own... say going for a coffee or a walk or a meal. Does anyone have any tips or advice please, as I really struggled last winter and hardly went out at all. This year I'd like to feel less awkward (I think it reminds me too much of being a bit friendless at school, eating alone and that kind of thing).

Love this thread! Reassuring to know that there's more people like me and I'm not 'odd'.

Original poster

Chloeblue · 19/08/2021 21:16

Twatterati For me anyway, I lived alone and was single for more years than I was in a relationship, so it was simply a case of the more I did alone, the easier it got. So start off with say a coffee on your own, keep doing this for a while and then progress on to lunch etc. Having a book or something to read is always good too.

OP posts:

Twatterati · 19/08/2021 22:07

Thanks @Chloeblue, I appreciate this. Sometimes I'm ok, especially when I've got my dog with me, as it's 'someone' to engage with!

It's a bit of a paradox really, because I look at other groups of women-friends who are out together and feel "oooh, that'd be nice..." when in reality I don't actually like it when it happens! But I also don't enjoy being totally isolated from human interaction either! And I don't bat an eyelid at other people out on their own, but I do feel like other people are judging me.

WaitinginVain · 19/08/2021 22:45

I also think it's an age thing. Have always liked my own company but never had the confidence to say so when I was younger and spent a lot of time doing stuff I hated with people I didn't particularly like.

Meruem · 20/08/2021 06:36

Twatterati I agree that something to read is a really good prop. I have the kindle app on my phone. I do so much on my own now, even going on holiday. It’s actually really nice to be able to just please yourself and take things at your own pace. I really enjoy a day out in my own company!

MadamBatty · 20/08/2021 07:10

I’m 52 & realised 5 years ago how happy I am on my own. I have good friends, we go for meals, occasional weekend away. I’m looking forward to the day when I can retire & spend most of my days walking. I’m cities, in mountains, Camino type walks.

I was at a family funeral Wednesday & I spent yesterday completely alone. I couldn’t even go to the shop as I’d have to interact with others.

I’m not

MadamBatty · 20/08/2021 07:12

Don’t know where the I’m not came from. I’m happier than I’ve ever been living on my own. The click of the door when I come into my house is the sweetest sound.

MarmiteyCrumpets · 20/08/2021 07:41

@Twatterati how about putting your earbuds in? Take your phone, tablet, book, or something that looks like work and your dog if you have one.

pcofmushu · 20/08/2021 07:44

I'm feeling like this in my 20s! Totally with you on this one, OP

Greencharge · 20/08/2021 07:44

It’s not just me then………..not that I’d care if it was!

Oblomov21 · 20/08/2021 07:51

Bit different. Ambivert. Both. And I've known this for a long time. It's fine. I'm a party animal and crave close friendships which I have. So covid was hard. I like to go for a cup of tea, chat, glass of wine with my 4 closest friends individually. But I also love, crave, need my own time alone. I make sure I get this. I slobb about at home on my own, in silence. Perfectly happy.

RickOShay · 20/08/2021 08:59

Tbh I feel let down by most people in my life. I’ve made my peace with that, I’m not bitter
I’ve also massively gone off humanity in general.
If I could start again, I wouldn’t get married, maybe have one child and I’d run an animal sanctuary with my sister.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 20/08/2021 09:13

Hello my people.

I am 39 and generally easily irritated by people. I've realised a few 'friends' who were actually really shitty friends were only in my life due to habit, not because I actually liked them/thought they were nice people. They are life of the party, in a million WhatsApp groups, think being friends (who they only see sporadically at parties) with hundreds of people makes them fabulous but really, they aren't. They weren't 'my people' and never felt like they got me.

Lockdown made it easier to streamline the people I genuinely want in my life which I've done. I do like going out for drinks but I'm actually quite socially anxious and don't last very long, and I use alcohol to cope and probably put on a fake me.

I love being on my own now whereas I worried that I'd be seen as 'weird'. I go on holiday by myself all the time, it's great and quite liberating. I now prefer it!

I'd quite like to meet a partner to go out for meals and stuff with as my streamlined friends are either coupled up or skint but then I take myself over to the relationships board and then thank the universe that I'm single 😆.

Dozer · 20/08/2021 09:16

Being social need not mean doing things in big groups.

It’s good to enjoy time alone, romantic relationship, time with DC etc, but most humans feel best with additional close relationships, and bad when lonely.

I really regret not spending more time with (individual) friends / family over the years.

countrypunk · 20/08/2021 10:01

I love this thread. I'm 37 and echo what a lot of previous posters have said - I socialised a lot in my 20s and had a really wide circle of friends, but as I get older I realise how important alone time is to me, and how much I love the peace and tranquility of it. I love my partner and my family and my small friendship group, but that is absolutely enough for me (and sometimes too much ).

Society places such an enormous amount of pressure on us to be extroverted and constantly doing things with others. I think it's quite damaging in lots of ways. Many of us genuinely do better with more time to ourselves. A pp struck me when they said something along the lines of 'I had introverted friends and you can really see the impact of that on their child'. Why do we automatically read introversion as a negative? Because society is built by extroverts. My introversion makes me happy

Robertslane · 21/08/2021 20:17

I have mixed emotions about this. Edging toward 50 and I really do enjoy time alone (I have 3 dc at home) so within limits. I can easily potter around.

But like one poster mentioned, I too, have been let down a lot in life to a point, I find myself almost totally isolated from other adult company. I have a partner but tbh it is not great. It's Saturday night and I want to talk to someone. There are at least a few people I could message but I want a laugh and some company (but I suppose selfishly on my terms). I need to forge some new connections, I find this prospect overwhelming but if I don't do something I'll remain isolated.

I think if I was out and about a bit more (I am a sahm), I'd gladly shut the door at the end of the day and not worry. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by people - they drain me of energy whilst I am in their company so it doesn't exactly endear me to getting out there (hence vicious circle arises).

Reading this thread with interest.

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