If you have parents in a large house they can't manage

[ExpressDelivery]

And you think it's time they downsized, where do you think they should go?

I'm still young ish but I've been thinking about this for myself and am finding that suitable properties don't really exisit:

• A nice small bungalow on a small plot. Likely to cost more than my house is worth, bungalows are often on large plots and when they do come onto the market are snapped up by developers.

• A smaller house. Round here the only small houses are either very rural (not ideal for elderly) or terraced starter homes in not very nice parts of town. I spent a lifetime moving away from those areas.

• A flat. Again, very risky in terms of who your neighbours will be and it matters more when they're so close. Plus a little outdoor space at home is more important if you can get out less?

• A retirement flat. Very expensive and seem to be full of financial pitfalls

• I even looked at "park homes", but no one seems to have a good word for them, financially they seem to be viewed as something of a scam.

Ideally I'd have a small but well appointed 2/3 bedroom detached dwelling with a little courtyard garden. It doesn't exist though.

Those of you telling parents they need to downsize, do the small yet suitable places exist where you live? Where do you envisage them going?

Not a park home or retirement flat - both are very hard to sell

@Digestive28

Not a park home or retirement flat - both are very hard to sell

Exactly, although unlikely to be my problem.

So what is the answer?

Move somewhere where smaller houses do exist? You must be somewhere really peculiar - I've lived all over the UK and am a rightmove addict, and I can't think where you could be that you couldn't find nice little houses with little gardens somewhere in, say, a 40 mile radius.

I think the big issue is uprooting yourself, isn't it? My parents are starting to find the house is getting beyond them but they are settled where they are. My mum would hate to leave her garden. It's the same for most people, I would think. The problem isn't housing stock, it's the prospect of making a new network for yourself.

It's hard enough to get elderly parents to admit to needing help around the house let alone actually move to somewhere more manageable. What you're looking for sounds ideal; good luck finding it.

There's loads of properties you've described around me. I wonder where you've been looking op?

Well yes, I don't want to move away from where my friends and family are. Why would I or any elderly person?

I've been looking within a 10 mile radius of where I am, but close to bus routes and amenities.

Where I live there's a set of homes from from flats to 2 bedroom bungalows all around a communal courtyard that people often move to. There's a warden and they pay about 150 a month for his cover and him to look after all the communal grounds. I think they can call on him too and they get a few hours help a month included in the fee.

There's also big companies that do the same thing and the places are more luxurious and include access to lounges, a restaurant, gyms and guest rooms. The service charges and property costs on those are far higher.

Not sure what we would do. Our house isn't very age friendly. We bought when the owner was 75 and had to move out as he couldn't manage the garden, which is big or the hill it's situated on, which is very steep.

@Kezzie200

Where I live there's a set of homes from from flats to 2 bedroom bungalows all around a communal courtyard that people often move to. There's a warden and they pay about 150 a month for his cover and him to look after all the communal grounds. I think they can call on him too and they get a few hours help a month included in the fee.

There's also big companies that do the same thing and the places are more luxurious and include access to lounges, a restaurant, gyms and guest rooms. The service charges and property costs on those are far higher.

Not sure what we would do. Our house isn't very age friendly. We bought when the owner was 75 and had to move out as he couldn't manage the garden, which is big or the hill it's situated on, which is very steep.

I think these are the retirement homes PP refers to that are difficult to sell on because if all the constraints though

I've had this conversation with my DM who is currently not old and fit and well but a very practical person.
She's still working but nearing retirement age, Dad is retired and no kids at home.
They can now walk to shops, easily access public transport, doctors, hospital etc.
House is way bigger then they need and some rooms she only goes in to hoover and dust if having visitors.
But there is no housing suitable to downsize into where their life is.
They decided to future proof their house as much as possible now, so insulation, new windows, solar heating etc to reduce impact of rising costs when they are both on pensions.
It is wasteful but planning permission in their area is granted to apartment blocks for rent or family homes. So they have to work with how things are.

@M0rT

I've had this conversation with my DM who is currently not old and fit and well but a very practical person. She's still working but nearing retirement age, Dad is retired and no kids at home. They can now walk to shops, easily access public transport, doctors, hospital etc. House is way bigger then they need and some rooms she only goes in to hoover and dust if having visitors. But there is no housing suitable to downsize into where their life is. They decided to future proof their house as much as possible now, so insulation, new windows, solar heating etc to reduce impact of rising costs when they are both on pensions. It is wasteful but planning permission in their area is granted to apartment blocks for rent or family homes. So they have to work with how things are.

Yes, I'm wondering if this is the answer. We have a large downstairs study on the back of an almost double length garage.

If I have have a bathroom put in the back of the garage, that could make an ensuite bedroom and I could almost shut upstairs, unless family are staying.

The house would still be far too big, but easier to manage. And there's still the garden.

I'd just get staff going into the house

@Panickingpavlova

I'd just get staff going into the house

What staff though? Cleaning? Decorating? Changing a lightbulb? Fixing a squeaky door? Gardening? All routine when you're fit and able, not so much when you're not and all happen more frequently the bigger the house.

Plus big house doesn't automatically = unlimited income.

Mum moved into sheltered housing ground floor flat at the end of the road she used to live on.

She has said herself she should have done it years ago...

Re: jobs.
Before moving mum had a
Window cleaner
Gardener
Odd job man
She cleaned herself and still does

My parents have just been through this.

The problem is they have got used to living in a large detached house with lots of space and garden and are (understandably) reluctant to give any of that up. Especially as they are not yet sufficiently infirm that they have to move - but of course if they wait till that point then a move becomes much harder.

They don’t want a flat or terraced as they don’t want neighbour noise. They don’t want a small outdoor space, or anything other than S facing. They like period ceiling heights; don’t want modern low ceilings. Want to be close to amenities, but nothing too noisy or busy. Must have off street parking. Etc

In the end they have “downsized” to a slightly smaller detached family sized house I expect there may need to be a further move at some point depending on what happens.

It is a difficult decision as people don’t really know what their health may bring in their last 20 odd years and there is a wide range of possibilities as to what they can manage/will need.

My sister and I suggested my parents move to a bungalow over 10 years ago, I suggested it again 5 years ago, then last year. They are determined not to move until one of them dies despite the fact their house is now totally unsuitable for them. They pay for a gardener & cleaner at the moment but could really do with a morning carer too.

DH and I plan to move to a flat once the DC have left home. Neither of us like gardening though i'd like to live somewhere with communal gardens or with walks nearby.

We downsized my mother after about 5 years of looking at unsuitable places. We probably should have encouraged her to move in her 70's - she certainly thrived from having more company along the corridor. I have no doubt she didn't enjoy the reduced space for a good year or two. Flats seem to be so small unless they are in historic buildings (at which point there tend to be issues with soundproofing) and there is rarely much of a garden. There is a real gap in the market.

In her old house she had a hopeless gardener that she was too embarrassed to fire, a window cleaner and then, for the last couple of years, she had a cleaner. I think it cost a little more, but I seem to remember we arranged the cleaner through Age UK. It meant that she had somebody in an office somewhere who vetted the staff, made sure that DM was happy with the service and/or arranged for substitutes/holiday cover without my mother having to deal with confrontation herself.

If people are thinking about downsizing, another big consideration is "what will you do if you can no longer drive"? DM spent several years ferrying her friends around before we persuaded her that it would be significantly cheaper to ditch the car (her insurance was £££) and use taxis instead. She rarely needed to venture more than a mile or two and I think she quite enjoyed getting to know the "regular" drivers.

My mum recently moved from 1.5 hrs away to 5 min walk, still 3 bed semi but planning an extension next year for downstairs shower room, utility & extra living room which could be turned into a bedroom if she can't manage the stairs in the future.
She travelled 4 hours round trip every 2 weeks to see her mum & she wanted to ensure I didn't have to do the same, she's future proofed as much as she can

I understand this now, in the past I thought I would like an apartment in the city but honestly as you get older you get more aware of how annoying neighbours are, enjoy outside space and realise buying flats is risky with cladding, service charges etc. A place you can future proof on a bus route is probably ideal.

My DM moved to a flat from her large house. The flat is not sheltered or anything else like that, but she owns a share of the freehold in a nice block. All her neighbours are similar people to her - it was an expensive flat in a good area so it wasn't about saving money but it is so much easier for her all on one level and with someone else maintaining the communal garden. She has made some lovely new friends who were really supportive of each other right through lockdown, checking on each other daily and offering support when needed. She can walk into town or to the park so it is perfect for her. Please don't dismiss flats as the better ones are excellent places for downsizers.

What do you mean by 'large house'?

They can now walk to shops, easily access public transport, doctors, hospital etc. House is way bigger then they need and some rooms she only goes in to hoover and dust if having visitors. But there is no housing suitable to downsize into where their life is

This is us. We’re going to have to bite the bullet at some point. There’s a development of six houses that would suit us very well where we live. We’re watching them like hawks!

My parents moved into sheltered accommodation about 6 years ago, they had a nice 2 bed flat with their own kitchen and a balcony but 24 hour help if they need it and a cooked main meal available every day in the restaurant, plus weekly cleaners visiting. It’s central and they could pop out to the town centre easily. Perhaps financially they may make a loss, but the security of it, and the practical help given when my dad was ill and getting very frail, are well worth it in my view. My dad died at the start of this year and mum is still in the flat, she knows lots of people, can go down for lunch daily, pops out into town for coffee with friends, I’m so pleased she moved there.

My mum / dad / father in law moved (separately) to a bungalow on a small plot in amongst a load of mostly bigger houses (rare, but one happened to come up - it had originally been built on the front gardens of one of the big houses), a small terrace with a courtyard garden in an OK area with good public transport links to other areas, and a retirement flat with a communal lounge where he is the life and soul of the party as far as I can tell.

MIL and DF have both successfully moved into flats.
They are very different people and have very different needs but in both cases they are very happy with their new accommodation.