If you have parents in a large house they can't manage

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And you think it's time they downsized, where do you think they should go?

I'm still young ish but I've been thinking about this for myself and am finding that suitable properties don't really exisit:

• A nice small bungalow on a small plot. Likely to cost more than my house is worth, bungalows are often on large plots and when they do come onto the market are snapped up by developers.

• A smaller house. Round here the only small houses are either very rural (not ideal for elderly) or terraced starter homes in not very nice parts of town. I spent a lifetime moving away from those areas.

• A flat. Again, very risky in terms of who your neighbours will be and it matters more when they're so close. Plus a little outdoor space at home is more important if you can get out less?

• A retirement flat. Very expensive and seem to be full of financial pitfalls

• I even looked at "park homes", but no one seems to have a good word for them, financially they seem to be viewed as something of a scam.

Ideally I'd have a small but well appointed 2/3 bedroom detached dwelling with a little courtyard garden. It doesn't exist though.

Those of you telling parents they need to downsize, do the small yet suitable places exist where you live? Where do you envisage them going?

In laws are basically in this situation. They are converting double garage to downstairs bedroom with en-suite. So they can basically choose to live downstairs if the time comes they can’t use stairs.
Upstairs bedrooms will be kept for family staying, or as they both hate idea of care home, space for a live in carer if they need in future

It's hard to plan because its hard to know how you'll age. I know two couples in their 80s who both live in massive houses with large gardens. One set are in better shape than some people in their 60s, regularly have guests to stay, are constantly busy. The other set totter about, one of them needs a stair lift and they have a gardener.

We're fortunate where we are that there are small houses, some of them quiet and tucked away but still convenient. All the same I can see DH and I moving twice, once to somewhere with a large plot of land to enjoy our retirement gardening, and then back into what we refer to as 'town' (doctor, supermarket, handful of shops) for our dotage.

My own plan is to stay put and adapt my home. A reception room can be turned into a downstairs bedroom and the adjoining toilet into a wet room. The stairs are decent for a stair lift. We have easy access to a suburban bus route, and the garage is suitable for managing a mobility scooter for access to lical shops.

DM always knew her house was hopelessly unsuitable and talked the talk but never did anything about it in her 50s, 60s, 70s while she talked about it. Now she's stuck with her hoard in an old inflexible house that's rapidly aging itself. She can't live on one level, the multitude of staircases were a nightmare and having been renovated 40 years ago, everything is wearing out at the same time. Plus planning permission for a listed building...
When she talked about downsizing, her ideas were pretty unrealistic anyway. She liked certain houses along a certain stretch of road, and has a taste for character, period properties.

A major problem with downsizing is that very often room sizes are relative to bedroom numbers and modern housing skimpy on floor space anyway. If you're considering life with mobility aids, you need a certain amount of space to move around.

I've friends' parents who downsized to a glorified caravan type home at about 70. The actual living conditions are good, but the location is very rural, taxis a rareity and they are now dependent on the husband with dementia driving as the wife never drove. What she'll do when he no longer has capacity to drive is a major concern to the family.

I don’t want my Dad to move. He is mid 80s now but doing well. Both his parents were able to stay at the house until pretty much the end. There’s a downstairs bathroom and if needs be we’ll sort a bedroom downstairs if we can’t sort a stair lift.

We are hopefully moving and are going to a bungalow on a large plot in a more rural areas. I know we won’t be able to stay forever as will become a problem when we can’t drive but it gets our area change done now and then we’ll move to a flat about 15 mins away which has a garden and easy access to shops.

I think it’s up to the parents.

They either accept that they will need support if they want to stay in their home, so that could mean, a cleaner, gardener, personal care etc.

For many older people that have lived in a property for 20/30/40 years the thought of moving is just too much.

We have recently downsized from a very large 5 bed detached family home to a detached 3 bed bungalow, due to my disability, the right decision for us, but it was wholly our decision.

I’d love a set-up like we have on our street where there are large family homes, bungalows with good plots and starter cottages. One of my friends lives in the road and has her mum in one of the bungalows.

My parents are in a house that is far too big but they’ll never downsize unless they can find somewhere with a good garden. I don’t think they’d adjust well to a flat.

My granny was in a large ground floor flat from her 50s and it worked very well for her. She was as sharp as a pin until her mid 80’s when she got cancer and she’d have been fine there for many more years if she hadn’t got sick.

My husband’s grandparents were in a 3 bed semi they could not manage at all and stayed too long once one of them got dementia.

It’s so hard because to make the move work well I think you have to do it well before you need to and no-one wants to do it at that point.

My parents did this, moved from a massive 20 min walk from a major commuter station in the Thames valley To a beautiful flat overlooking the sea on a bus route, 5 min walk to a supermarket etc. It is possible!

My in-laws on the other hand, live in a not unreasonable sized house (although with no option for one floor living). But 20 min drive to the shops, whilst fil Parkinson’s is getting worse every time all the time and mil eyes are deteriorating at a rapid rate, I suspect both of them will end up being told not to drive before they have agreed to think about moving - which would be better than the other risk of having an accident. So I don’t care what sort of house / flat they move too as long as they don’t drive…

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I don't know what we'd do. We're in our 'forever' home now, and although it's relatively big (6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms) we've spent years on our garden and making changes to the house to suit us and our current lifestyle. It's also lovely and quiet. I can imagine we might try to adapt part of the house to suit us, and have a gardener more often. I can't imagine ever moving!

My parents have been looking but where we live there’s nothing suitable. Bungalows are very expensive, newer houses don’t have much more than a scrap of garden. Their house has 3 floors; I’ve suggested they can close off the top floor if they need to, and I’ll be around to do the rest.

It's the same in our village. The majority of the larger housing stock is owned by people over the age of 60. We had a village survey and a village development plan so we know a lot re the demographics of the villagers.

One of the issues highlighted is that people love where they live, know their neighbours and want to stay, but there are few single storey, smaller properties to move to.

Along a similar vein my parents live in a small house with a big garden in a town and can walk to their surgery, a supermarket and church within 10 minutes. They are mid 60s. They would like to move somewhere with a smaller garden and all ground floor, but nothing is available. They won't have the money for a gardener or help when they get older.

Finally, my grandmother moved in her 70s after my grandpa died. She 'downsized' from a large chalet bungalow on a massive plot in a village, to a modern 5 bed house on the outskirts of a town with a decent sized garden. She is now in her 90s and beginning to get frail, but still sharp as a pin. She also had the funds for a stair lift to be put in and for a gardener to come once a month.

She has spoken about moving into sheltered accomodation, and isn't afraid of moving and starting again. But whether she will or not is another thing.

I think this is where homecare really comes into its own, ime with people who left it too late to move house. It can be really cost effective.

@OublietteBravo our current house is ideal and could be here together - just 2 bedrooms upstairs and kitchen, 2 living rooms, dining room, family bath and office downstairs. It’s a funny old cottage that’s been extended over many years so not something that’s too common I guess. However perfect as could eventually move onto the ground floor only with no issue if we needed to.

@RandomDent this is true where we live. As per my previous post we are moving. To a bungalow. Which is more expensive than my current house. Which is insane. But bungalows are expensive. Mostly I think as they are very rare and don’t come up for sale anymore. And are not often ( round here anyway ) added into new build estates.
I don’t plan on moving again. And this will be my forever home. It is breaking my heart to move but with my health and my sons matching health a bungalow is definitely the way to go.

I did cry when i saw the for sale sign go up outside my house as I really don’t want to be going anywhere.

My dps converted their house so they could live downstairs if needed and still have room upstairs. I think they were spurred on when my Mil went downhill fast and is struggling away in her 4 bed house but won't move. We are also in an area where there's very few bungalows, there are a few retirement apartments but then they wouldn't have space for us staying over, and they like their own garden etc.

I think it’s hard to downsize for some people. My Aunt wouldn’t and stayed in her 6 bedroom house till she was 94 but her DS still lived with her and my sister used to go in every day as a paid carer.

My sister who is mid sixties and widowed downsized to what is perfect a two bed bungalow with a courtyard garden, just as you described. Where she lives has lot of different styles of housing. Where I live has loads of terraces that are ex mill workers houses, lots of 1930’s houses with big gardens and a few really big Victorian villas that were the mill owners houses. Virtually no bungalows.

My neighbour whose house is the same as ours has had a stair lift put in and turned the smallest bedroom in to a wet room as she has mobility issues. We are in the 1930’s with big gardens, she does also now have a gardener.

There’s lots of smaller houses near me that are suitable in retirement, and and lots of bunglaows, some are large plot but plenty aren’t. They are quite expensive though as they are popular.
Small cottages though with small gardena are easy to come by.

I'm in my early 70s and live in a 2 bed flat with good sized living room and separate kitchen in south London. It has an outside terrace with lots of pots so I can continue gardening. My GP is across the road as s the train station, numerous buses and the tube is a few minutes walk away. I get my food delivered and top up from the Sainsburys in the next block.

I was 60 and insisted on buying the flat despite service charges etc before my ex and I divorced (10 years ago) and downsized from a 3 bed cottage. It was the best decision I made. When I have to stop driving everything I need is nearby. I dread having to move again eg to sheltered housing. Sadly neither of my daughters drive and both had to move outside of London so are about 2 hours away.

Someone in our family moved to a privately rented flat close to one of their adult offspring and then sold their house when they became unable to manage stairs and a garden. They were regarded as an excellent prospect as a tenant because they had pension income so their ability to pay the rent was never in doubt.

My own parents upsized in their fifties, saying that they needed the space for children and grandchildren to visit. Thirty years later, I'm the only family member who visits. The house is too big for them and the garden is huge. They've looked at lots of smaller places in the town where they live (they won't move away, they've never lived anywhere else) over the past five years and found a reason to turn their noses up at all of them. They're now applying for sheltered housing. I can see difficulties with them being cramped together in a small space. It would have been better if they'd bought a two bedroomed 1940s flat (a common form of housing in that area) years ago and accepted that we didn't mind staying in a Premier Inn when we came to visit. But we can't change it now.

DH and I are going to downsize and move into a large town or city when we retire and while we're still young enough to find roles for ourselves wherever we move. We're already doing our home improvements with an eye on keeping the house in good condition without spending a fortune rather than doing it up to be our forever home.

Mine really need to get out of their big 5 bed detached house. They’re currently in robust health but I don’t really want them there is 5-10 years time. They know they don’t want a flat so I envisage them looking for a bungalow or a smaller easier to manage detached house. They are in a good financial position so would look to spend the same as their house is worth to ensure they get what they want

I’m in a new build and there are loads of little one and two bed bungalows being built around me. They’d be perfect.

My stepdad moved to a retirement flat a few years ago and it's bloody brilliant. I want to retire to the same block when I'm old enough.

I totally understand that any form of downsizing feels impossible to people who have always enjoyed big houses, lovely gardens etc. There's no answer they'd like other than 'ok stay where you are' as it falls down around them.

Getting my mum to move was a herculean task but even she admits that her cute little house is perfect for her now.

Family members downsized to a penthouse apartment with a lift. It was a straight swop in terms of price, so they didn't get any leftover equity, which I think most people struggle with when thinking of 'downsizing' but its very well insulated for sound and has an outdoor terrace. They have enough space for some of their bigger pieces of furniture but its completely wheelchair accessible, and they're in a town centre pretty much as well as having a bus stop almost outside but it has lovely peaceful views.

I think generally though, there is a demographic that usually isn't catered for. A lot of older people in 'nice' houses would like to move somewhere that can be really nice to live in, entertain in, potentially host Christmas in, but will also adapt quickly if there's a health condition that emerges and requires support. Most 'fancier' flats are built with 20-somethings in mind, it feels like a missing demographic.

However, my 90-something grandmother managed the stairs in my parents house til about two days before she died and the GP reckoned it was the only exercise she got and helped keep her healthy. I think cultivating a handy person for odd jobs, either getting a gardener or replanting the garden so it needs very little maintenance, and having a cleaner are all other useful steps.

My next door neighbours are going through this dilemma. They are late 70s/early 80s. They want to downsize number of bedrooms but not space they currently have in their reception rooms and master bedroom. They can’t find anything suitable.

Another benefit (but possibly hard for sentimental reasons) of downsizing is the getting rid of stuff, so less work for those left behind when someone dies. So even if parents can future proof their large 5 bedroomed house, if it is full of stuff now maybe time to start sorting through that (as I look at my very cluttered house )

My parents stayed in their 4 bed house. We looked at this and it wasn't possible to modestly downsize to 3 beds and a smaller garden without moving further out of the village. So they stayed. Mum now gone, dad does ok at 96 with a cleaner, gardener and can manage the stairs and his own personal care. I just wish that they had planned a bit better and had work done earlier to get a downstairs bathroom put in. It is what it is and I am very slowly working my way through mums extensive hoard. Dad still driving but would be able to maintain independence with a mobility scooter when he stops. He's also said he'd be happy to go into the local nursing home if he needs to so there is a plan for if/when that day comes.

I've learnt from them, and am planning a complete refurb of our bungalow to future proof it for us which will include redesigning the garden to be low maintenance and suitable for a ride on mower. My DH is 67 and already showing signs that his mobility is starting to fail. I do think we will have to move in closer to town at some point in the future though, we are a couple of miles out of town and it's a busy country road with no pavements or bus service so would be tricky without a car.

My parents lived in a 3 storey, 5 bedroom victorian terrace with a large garden. Both started suffering with ill health, the house had lots of different levels with no way to sort out or and the downstairs could not be reconfigured to accommodate a bathroom. My sister and I kept speaking to mum and dad about downsizing, but they did nothing until we pointed out that they were going to have to get carers come in and help them live in this ridiculously large house.
They are now in a 2 bedroom bungalow, large enough living space all one level with the added advantage of a garage and a postage stamp sized, but beautiful garden that they can putter in but have someone who can do all the stuff they can't.
Part of the reason they didn't want to move is because my mum did not want to get rid of some of her stuff. She did and freely admitted that it was the best thing they ever did.
They get all their shopping delivered. Once she can no longer drive, they are an easy taxi drive to the doctors surgery, or a local cafe.
It is so much better for them.

We live in a small semi detached, but it has straight stairs so if ever we are not able to manage the stairs we can have a stair put in. We do have a massive garden that I would greatly like to reduce, but that is not possible, so guess we will need to get a gardener at some point

Mine moved from 4 bed detached to 3 bed bungalow (a lot smaller but slightly more expensive). Was the best thing we ever did for them, though at the time they weren't convinced and we had to do all the running.
Mum has since gone into a home but had 6 years in the bungalow that she'd never have managed in the house. Dad is still in the bungalow mid 80s and manages to keep it clean and tidy. He loves the garden which is medium sized but fairly low maintainance. We'll get a gardener/cleaner in if and when he needs it.