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Original poster

Ds wants to join the army

119 replies

Mum060708 · 10/08/2021 08:32

Ds is 15 and has been talking about joining the army. Not every single day, but whenever we have any sort of conversation about his future he tentatively mentions the army. So I need to start taking him seriously I think.
But I'm completely of my depth. I don't know anyone who is in the army, apart from compulsory service during the war we don't have anyone in our family, I don't have any friends with army connections, no-one.
How do you even start joining the army? He's clever but lacks confidence. I know you can join the army at 16 or 17 but is it ok for me to say he needs to be 18 and finish school first?
He's quite an anxious person but in many ways I can see that the routine of the army might suit him. If the toughness of it doesn't break him it really might be the making of him.
But I think he's got quite unrealistic expectations too. For example he thinks that when he leaves the army he'll be set for life with a whole world of job opportunities open to him. He hasn't thought about the ex-servicemen who struggle with civilian life when the routine is taken away from them and who can't find jobs or homes. He hasn't thought about the potential to be quite badly injured.
I suspect some of his desire to join the army comes from computer games and war films. But I don't want to just rubbish his ideas, that's not fair. He's always been interested in military history and knows so much. So maybe it would be a good fit for him.
I've looked on the web at the army recruitment page but it's all very glamorous obviously.
Where can I get some better and more realistic information? When is a good time to start encouraging him to speak to someone? Who should he speak to?
Any experiences and pointers welcome, I'm feeling a bit lost.

OP posts:
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 10/08/2021 08:36

Any time left for him to join Army cadets?

My DS was set on army. Joined cadets at 13. Had good snd bad experiences, at 16 realised it was not for him though

He would have never accepted that from me, had to experience it for himself (being shouted at, being picked on, and even collapsing during an exercise after being told to “man up” and being ambulanced to hospital Shock….

Still, he rates it and it was good to experience cadets for a taste of the real thing

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/08/2021 08:37

Tell him to look at the Army website and start thinking of what he wants to do. Army jobs (fir soldiers) are very wide from infantry to mechanics to cooks to admin assistants to signals to engineers.

Also tell him the better his GCSEs and qualifications, the more jobs that are open.

MauveMagnolia · 10/08/2021 08:39

He can join at 16 and go to the Army Foundation College in Harrogate. I think they take about 1500. If you contact them I am sure that they will offer advice. I would say that many of the recruits come from more socially deprived backgrounds and this is a real opportunity to make money age 16 and get a career.

What are his GCSE predictions? The Foundation College used to have the highest pass percentage for GCSE retakes in maths in the country.

ExpressDelivery · 10/08/2021 08:40

If he's bright a possible avenue would be to do Alevels and apply to go to Sandhurst to be an Officer. They "only" need 4 Ds academically but will need to demonstrate other characteristics, so he should do some volunteering etc where he can show leadership etc. Excelletn career prospects after that both in and out of the Army

If that's not for him, the Army is the biggest provider of apprenticeships in the country so he can learn a trade while he is there and he's right, it will lead to opportunity when he leaves.

I wouldn't encourage a bright lad to go in as an infantryman, but there are loads of different jobs in the Army.

He doesn't need to go at 16. IMO it's better not to. 16yos go to Harrogate for 2 years, which is effectively sixth form college, where they'll re do English and Maths if they need it. It can be a great option and a new start for those who've struggled at school, but it's not needed. Entry at 18 or later won't disadvantage him and by staying at school, as a bright youngster, he'll have wider options.

He can talk to someone at your local recruiting office.

ExpressDelivery · 10/08/2021 08:41

Sorry, 3 Ds at Alevel for Sandhurst

30degreesandmeltinghere · 10/08/2021 08:42

Ds went off the rails at 14... I didn't see him for a year...
He decided he was going to join the army at 18.
He did and it's been the making of him! The lad who wouldn't wash a dish or tidy a thing!
He is 20 today and an absolute star!!
Be supportive op...

BrozTito · 10/08/2021 08:43

Its a good age to start thinking about it because they have things in place to give him a taste but most importantly no absolute commitment until 18. I second the foundation college suggestion. What area is he keen on?

BrozTito · 10/08/2021 08:46

The army/royal marines etc have some decent youtube channels which give a good representation of it ime-things like exercises abroad

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 10/08/2021 08:46

Get him to research the different roles. There is a huge variety of roles out there. If he has got a bit about him he might want to look at the officer route. We are a military family. DH RAF DF ex RAF (22 year service) SIL and her partner Navy and BIL ex army (22 year service) so have a fair bit of experience. I would say the military has afforded our family lots and lots of opportunities. However it can be very tough. But if you asked any of them they wouldn’t haven’t had it any other way.

Going down and talking to the recruitment office would be good too

lljkk · 10/08/2021 08:47

DS (now 21) joined British Army as a junior soldier.

Cadets is perfect taste of what it'd be like. OP's son is not too old for cadets (they go to 18). Cheapest formal ex-Curric activity my kids ever did.

Getting good A-levels if he can (academically) is best path followed by joining with plan to become an officer. Junior soldiers have a longer training period than joining as an adult, DS often wishes he'd waited to be a little older for intake.

Is he academic at all, OP?

Ylvamoon · 10/08/2021 08:50

I know "both types" of ex army...

I would say a lot of post army success depends on his personality, the state of the world and the type of job he does within the army.

MydogWillow · 10/08/2021 08:56

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Ds went off the rails at 14... I didn't see him for a year... He decided he was going to join the army at 18. He did and it's been the making of him! The lad who wouldn't wash a dish or tidy a thing! He is 20 today and an absolute star!! Be supportive op...
Love this.
LemonRoses · 10/08/2021 08:56

I would help him understand differences between being an officer and a rating. I’d encourage him to get A levels then think about joining.
He’d need to consider what role he’d want - the army/armed forces offer everything from the expected infantry soldiers to nurses/dentists to environmental health to pilots to drivers to teachers. It’s not one job and he needs to do his homework.

Visit the local recruiting office but don’t let him be pushed down the rating/squaddie route if he has academic ability.

He’ll need to be fit. Very fit. Start now. Team sport an essential. Plus ability to run carrying weights. Get him to do half marathons.

He’ll need to show an interest in people - volunteering is good be that in a hospice, Cubs, on school council, or at a watersports centre.

He’ll need to show some leadership if he does want officer route. Independent schools are very good at this, but captain of a team, house captain at school, assistant beaver leader, leading in army cadets or sea scouts.

Some relevant activities and work experience is good. Army cadets stuff or recruitment office will sort out acquaints.

His career and life will be much, much more comfortable as an officer. Get him to look at pay differential. Get him to consider other forces too to see the full range of jobs he can do.

Original poster
Mum060708 · 10/08/2021 09:02

Thanks for all the replies.
I dont think he really had any idea about what roles are available within the army. I don't think he knows what it would actually be like. And I haven't a clue how to help him.
He is clever but struggles to organise himself and I think he won't get the grades in school that match up to how clever he is. He'll get enough to join the army though.

I wouldn't encourage a bright lad to go in as an infantryman, but there are loads of different jobs in the Army

See this is the sort of thing I have no idea about. I kind of thought that was the standard option unless you were really clever or really rich. Do ordinary lads really go to Sandhurst?

We'll see where the nearest cadets is. He is in the Boys Brigade and thinks that will give him good experience of the army because they have to wear a uniform and sometimes they do marching. I'm not sure BBs is anything like the army, that's him being naive, but I'm not sure how to help him find that out.

We'll look up some of the YouTube channels too.

My immediate thought is to say "the army is not for you, you're too soft and anxious, you'll never survive." but I will obviously not do that, I'm trying my best to find out the right thing to do. It might be the best decision he ever makes.

OP posts:
brittleheadgirl · 10/08/2021 09:05

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army?
Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.

Original poster
Mum060708 · 10/08/2021 09:09

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army?

Not disappointed as such but my gut reaction is not a positive one. I'm not going to say that to him though, I'm trying hard to educate myself and help him make the right decision. (While secretly hoping he decides against it)

OP posts:
ExpressDelivery · 10/08/2021 09:11

Army cadets was the absolute making of my shy, quiet DS1. He'd been decidedly average at everything throughout school, overlooked and never picked for anything.

During his time at Cadets he became a confident team player and leader, happy to stand up in front of a group and teach a lesson, ready to have a go at anythign.

He was well down the Sandhurt selection route when it all got postponed because of Lockdown and TBH, he's a bit disillusioned with it now, they haven't communicated very well. I'm not sure he'll persue it, mainly because his "temporary" job keeps promoting him, largely because of the skills he learned at Cadets.

I'd definitely recommend DS has a go at Cadets, it will be good for him whether or not he decides on the Army and he'll get to know people who can help with career choices. Some of the other Cadets will be planning Army entry and some of the adults will be ex servicemen and women.

DS probably won't go now, but Sandhurst definitely a possibility for Comprehensive school kids from very ordinary backgrounds.

ExpressDelivery · 10/08/2021 09:13

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.
You need to rememeber that a lot of Servicemen aend up in the Army because they're already from deprived backgrounds with some of the issues that lead to homelessness.
SciFiScream · 10/08/2021 09:14

I've got an Army background.

I'd see if he'd consider the RAF now. If I had my time over I'd choose the RAF.

One of their pilots has been seconded to high atmosphere flight, almost space flight!

It's the future I think.

SciFiScream · 10/08/2021 09:17

I've been to Sandhurst. It's brutal. All Army training is brutal, but by god I learned a lot. Loved every second and still miss it now.

Was the only female officer in my Regiment for a long time. That was really, really shit.

It's still a man's world, the military.

My DS is in the Air Cadets and hoping to go to Space Camp in a couple of years.

If your DS is shy and anxious he'll need to overcome that for officer training. They want confidence, leadership, and much more.

ACPC · 10/08/2021 09:18

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army?
Most people would be proud of their child wanting to serve and protect others for a living. Every path in life has bad sides. It's not a given that they will have mental health or homelessness. There are a lot of unfair stereotypes about the forces.

Hill1991 · 10/08/2021 09:18

I would find out more if he wants to go in the army/navy or RAF and then join the relevant junior version that would give him a taste off what it might be like also it should help with his confidence

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/08/2021 09:19

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.
Having seen what DH has done over the past 15 years, I would NOT be disappointed. Worried, yes. Would strongly discourage our elder DD, as it not right for her. DD2... would suit her down to the ground.
JudgeRindersMinder · 10/08/2021 09:20

Bear in mind that if he joins the armed forces, their primary objective is in protecting the country. Yes there are loads of opportunities, but he could also be killed young

Pedallleur · 10/08/2021 09:23

Lots of jobs in the Army (or Armed Forces) we dont think of. Of course there is the front line stuff but there are signallers, specialists in electronics, medicine (RAF is aviation medicine), intelligence etc. Ordinary people do go to Sandhurst but they were often in Cadets where their potential is spotted. There is Wellbeck www.dsfc.ac.uk/ which is across all 3 services.Couple of people I work with were in the Forces - one of them was a Warrant Officer (highest rank before becoming an Officer) in Intelligence and it took him all around the world. He retired on a great pension at 50