Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Ds wants to join the army

119 replies

Mum060708 · 10/08/2021 08:32

Ds is 15 and has been talking about joining the army. Not every single day, but whenever we have any sort of conversation about his future he tentatively mentions the army. So I need to start taking him seriously I think.
But I'm completely of my depth. I don't know anyone who is in the army, apart from compulsory service during the war we don't have anyone in our family, I don't have any friends with army connections, no-one.
How do you even start joining the army? He's clever but lacks confidence. I know you can join the army at 16 or 17 but is it ok for me to say he needs to be 18 and finish school first?
He's quite an anxious person but in many ways I can see that the routine of the army might suit him. If the toughness of it doesn't break him it really might be the making of him.
But I think he's got quite unrealistic expectations too. For example he thinks that when he leaves the army he'll be set for life with a whole world of job opportunities open to him. He hasn't thought about the ex-servicemen who struggle with civilian life when the routine is taken away from them and who can't find jobs or homes. He hasn't thought about the potential to be quite badly injured.
I suspect some of his desire to join the army comes from computer games and war films. But I don't want to just rubbish his ideas, that's not fair. He's always been interested in military history and knows so much. So maybe it would be a good fit for him.
I've looked on the web at the army recruitment page but it's all very glamorous obviously.
Where can I get some better and more realistic information? When is a good time to start encouraging him to speak to someone? Who should he speak to?
Any experiences and pointers welcome, I'm feeling a bit lost.

OP posts:
LadyCatStark · 10/08/2021 10:04

He needs to join cadets as a priority. Then he’ll learn if it’s really for him and having been in cadets will help his application. He could also do DofE but he can do that through cadets. Definitely encourage him to do into a job that’ll teach him a trade.

I think it’s awful that posters would be disappointed in their children for joining the armed forces. Someone has to do it! My brother is in his early 20s and is in the Army. He’s had the most amazing experiences. He’s sailed the east coast of America alongside whales and dolphins, visiting NASA and New York. That trip cost him a £500 contribution for all that travel. He’s been to Africa, Canada, all over Europe, all as part of his job. He wasn’t as interested in school as the rest of us and didn’t join as an officer but he’s really maximises his opportunities in the Army and now has qualifications in mechanics, all his HGV etc licenses, air traffic control and teaching sailing so when he does come out, he’ll have a good choice of careers. We’re not disappointed in him, we couldn’t be prouder. DS (12) also wants to join the Army but as an officer, although I’m trying to steer him on the direction of the RAF. His school have CCF so he’ll be joining as soon as he’s old enough.

Auntienumber8 · 10/08/2021 10:05

Get him to join cadets.

Ivy48 · 10/08/2021 10:05

Tell him to finish school, a-levels mean more opportunities. My DP was in the forces, joined after colleague and became an electrician. He is set for life with skills, we bought our home due to the good wages and help to buy opportunities and he’s now out and working a wel paid job. If he’s sensible he’ll do well. He needs to plan for his future while on there though. So saving for or buying a home etc and ensuring he gets a trade etc

Ivy48 · 10/08/2021 10:06

Also DP was RAF, less of a laddish culture and everyone I met was fab. Also go away less in the RAF depending on trade.

blairresignationjam · 10/08/2021 10:08

Ask him to consider the navy! Honestly, such a better experience living on a ship in my opinion and training (could join as an engineer for example and become a helicopter technician) and far less likelihood of active combat. I am ex RNR and absolutely loved my time.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/08/2021 10:08

The people we know who were in the army have done very well since leaving,just to put a positive spin on things.

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 10/08/2021 10:09

@Mum060708

He's never mentioned the RAF at all. What about the Navy? He has talked about that but not as much as the Army.
My DGS has joined the Navy and he absolutely loves it. He didn't like school, but has done well academically since joining. He gets a lot of leave and is home most weekends. He's also earning good money.
Stripyhoglets · 10/08/2021 10:11

My son has joined the navy. Its the last thing I expected tbh but he is doing really well and earning a good wage rather that going to uni. He was unorganised and unmotivated at home but is absolutely fine now he's being paid to work and organise himself!
We have no forces background in the family. He spoke to several of the services at careers fairs which helped him decide. The recruitment office was great. I suggest he speaks to all of them.
I'd encourage him to do A levels as that opens the door for more in the way of apprenticeships. Doing cadets if he can will be helpful.

There's a lot of info on line about all the different services and roles.

ComeonJulia · 10/08/2021 10:12

@MauveMagnolia they don’t have to volunteer to go.

Stripyhoglets · 10/08/2021 10:13

You can also do a btec in uniformed services at 6th form if A levels aren't his thing academically. Going in at 18 gives them the extra maturity to cope with the training.

Bizjustgotreal · 10/08/2021 10:14

My experience of working with servicemen and women is that they are often the most professional and effective people in the room. I wish that I had considered it as a young adult as I think it could have been incredibly positive. Our area has a great cadets program and we are considering getting our DS involved in it when the time comes.

Gothichouse40 · 10/08/2021 10:17

I come from an armed forces background, I never served personally but many family members did. All I would say is in my opinion, it does depend on personality how they get on. Two things, armed forces used to have quite a drinking culture( I don't know about now). You also need to realise you will be signed up for war and conflict. This brings death, maiming, trauma, PTSD and life long mental health issues. Doesn't matter which branch of the armed forces you join , you need to be prepared for all of the above. Ive known people with lifelong PTSD after being in certain conflicts. It certainly can be a secure career, but I would not advise the life for a shy, anxious or nervous person.

GetTheStartyParted · 10/08/2021 10:22

DS went to Harrogate, aged 16. He was one of the youngest there, he thrived though and it has increased his confidence and self-esteem.
They don't sign up officially until they are 18, so it felt like a 'no strings attached' approach.

DS is now 19 and has had a bit of a rough intro to army life. He was posted abroad shortly before covid hit and was unable to come home for the best part of a year. He missed celebrating his 18th birthday with us, and many other things. He had several spells of having to self isolate and the loneliness and homesickness really hit him then.

He has also been moved to a new barracks and had another short posting abroad, since returning at Christmas.

DS loves some parts of the job but not others. I'm not sure how long he will stay in but it's taught him so much.

His next posting is supposedly Afghanistan in October but I'm not sure that will happen.

I think as someone mentioned earlier in the thread, the links to homelessness and so on are increased as so many in the army lack a stable home environment. My son was surprised that a 17 year old had no home to go to during the holidays from Harrogate and he still cannot wrap his head around their attitudes to spending money or flouting the rules.

It's a lot to think about for your DS. My family were not all supportive but I think it was the right path for my son, even if he leaves when his four years are up.

Original poster
Mum060708 · 10/08/2021 10:29

There is so much I want to reply to, thank you for your info. I'm going to sit down and read it all again later.
I'm not disappointed about him maybe joining the forces, I'm just surprised and apprehensive and really out of my depth.

I'm going to look up some of the TV shows someone mentioned, we could watch them together. That might be a place to start and open up a conversation between us about how it might work.
I'll ask him to research if there is a cadets near us. I think there is but he needs to find that out for himself if he's serious.
I do actually know one person whose son is in the army, he's mid-40s and been in the army all his adult life as far as I know, maybe he would speak to us when he's next home.
I'm not sure ds is ready to speak to the recruitment office yet, that seems like quite a big step somehow.
They haven't had any careers fair type things this year which is a shame. He might have had a casual conversation that would have developed one way or another, but he's not had that chance so far.

OP posts:
GetTheStartyParted · 10/08/2021 10:42

The TV show based at Harrogate was called Raw Recruits and was in Channel 5.

21Bee · 10/08/2021 10:51

I think it is very dependent on what role you do in the army, I think lots of people who historically struggle leave the infantry. They don’t necessarily have transferable skills. It’s not the case for all trades though, medics for example can go on to be a paramedics after leaving.

Things are a lot different now and the army pay for training etc… and have programmes when you leave the army.

TrifleCat · 10/08/2021 11:03

It’s not just trade skills which are transferable, it is the management and leadership skills, communication skills, teamwork skills, problem solving skills etc.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 10/08/2021 11:19

On YouTube there are lots of tutorials regarding the level of fitness training required.. Ds does boxing also. He passed all medicals and fitness tests with flying colours. The initial training is quite hard core..

Mischance · 10/08/2021 11:24

I would not want a son of mine to join the army. I do think the training is brutal and many find it hard to adapt to normal life if they leave. Many have mental health problems.

I would not want my son to get shipped off to a war zone, as these decisions are political ones which he/I might not agree with.

I live near the Brecon Beacons and there are regular reported deaths of young army recruits because of the brutal approach to training.

ThreeWitches · 10/08/2021 11:28

@Ivy48

Also DP was RAF, less of a laddish culture and everyone I met was fab. Also go away less in the RAF depending on trade.
Yes, this.

DH is in the RAF, and he has a very good work/life balance. Rarely deployed, interesting job and well-paid job with room for promotion. It's a good life. I wouldn't have been overly happy if he was army tbh; they go away for a lot longer.

kerkyra · 10/08/2021 11:43

My 20yr old ds has applied and has his assessment in September. He has been to college and studied carpentry but now has his heart set on being a para.
As a mother all I can do is be supportive.

ACPC · 10/08/2021 11:52

My family member finished school first and gained enough highers (a levels) to go to uni after or if the Army didn't work out. Definitely keep an open mind, you are right to be apprehensive but there are much worse things than joining the forces. Good luck opFlowers

LadyCatStark · 10/08/2021 12:32

Oh, I forgot to add, DB bought his first house at 23 thanks to the Army’s scheme where they match his savings for a house deposit (not sure what it’s called). Nowadays, I think it’s pretty impressive for a single 23 year old to have for themselves on the property ladder without any parental help or inheritance!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/08/2021 12:47

Im an ordinary girl and I went to Sandhurst! Get him to go to a careers office and they'll chat to him in there about all his options.

Id REALLY urge him to look at the RAF and Navy. Given my time again id join the RAF. The way people are managed is way better. Id avoid the army like the plague.

Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 12:59

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.
I wouldn't have liked it either, brittlehead. The idea of a child of mine having to go and fight in a war in which he or she did not believe, horrifies me.

However it was never an issue, thankfully.

If someone is set on joining the armed forces, all a parent can do is support them. It doesn't have to be forever.