Ds wants to join the army

[Mum060708]

Ds is 15 and has been talking about joining the army. Not every single day, but whenever we have any sort of conversation about his future he tentatively mentions the army. So I need to start taking him seriously I think.
But I'm completely of my depth. I don't know anyone who is in the army, apart from compulsory service during the war we don't have anyone in our family, I don't have any friends with army connections, no-one.
How do you even start joining the army? He's clever but lacks confidence. I know you can join the army at 16 or 17 but is it ok for me to say he needs to be 18 and finish school first?
He's quite an anxious person but in many ways I can see that the routine of the army might suit him. If the toughness of it doesn't break him it really might be the making of him.
But I think he's got quite unrealistic expectations too. For example he thinks that when he leaves the army he'll be set for life with a whole world of job opportunities open to him. He hasn't thought about the ex-servicemen who struggle with civilian life when the routine is taken away from them and who can't find jobs or homes. He hasn't thought about the potential to be quite badly injured.
I suspect some of his desire to join the army comes from computer games and war films. But I don't want to just rubbish his ideas, that's not fair. He's always been interested in military history and knows so much. So maybe it would be a good fit for him.
I've looked on the web at the army recruitment page but it's all very glamorous obviously.
Where can I get some better and more realistic information? When is a good time to start encouraging him to speak to someone? Who should he speak to?
Any experiences and pointers welcome, I'm feeling a bit lost.

Second the suggestion to look at the other branches, both RAF and Navy. I am from a RAF family and it comes with a lot of opportunities and I think a slightly better work/life balance than the army.

I currently work in a job that is associated with the navy (I'm not navy myself) and it has no work/life balance at all, but is a lifestyle that just works 100% for some people. Lots of travel, closeness of life on ship, being on water.

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.

No, I would be really disappointed. I can't comprehend that people actively want their children to learn how to kill people. DS (22) is currently looking into joining the Army Reserves and I'm really upset even though I know it isn't the same as the regular army.

We watched several TV programmes (Reality TV) about British bootcamp, which I found hugely informative and DS says accurate enough. There's one about junior soldiers at Harrogate, one about Navy bootcamp, one about the Royal Marines (my fave. Ch4 I think). All made in last 10 years so reasonably current. Search online.

Lots of MNer are horrified at thought of their DC joining the military. YCan easily find those posts or threads if you want to share those feelings further.

@SciFiScream

I've got an Army background.

I'd see if he'd consider the RAF now. If I had my time over I'd choose the RAF.

One of their pilots has been seconded to high atmosphere flight, almost space flight!

It's the future I think.

I was going to say this - if he's a bit more sensitive the RAF might suit him better. Not that it is easy by any measure, but it's a bit less ... Rough? That's not the right word but it's hard to describe unless you have experience of both. My DH flunked out of school (dyslexic, bullied) but went to college and worked in a trade for a couple of years befor joining the RAF. Served 8 years, including a couple of (short) tours of Afghanistan, worked on the electrics of fighter jets and carriers. Travelled all around the world (but never gone more than 4 months at a time). Left and now an engineering manager in the railway, earning $$$ and doing an MSc funded through work. If you'd met him as a 16year old you would never have even dreamt this path for him. He obviously had the trade training before but it isn't necessary, they all do basic first and then an AMM position when they're going into the trades. They then go off for their second round of training where they specialise.

The army I know less about but still have connections. They do much longer stints away, and obviously can be in much more dangerous situations. The RAF still isn't safe like being an accountant, but it is less front line.
Basic is still rough though!
Mental health is an issue after you leave, my DH really struggled with a loss of identity. But at least he hadn't been witness to awful stuff or had PTSD as is more prevalent with infantry. BUT the job opportunities have been phenomenal. So many recruiters and jobs available to "ex-military" they don't even look elsewhere. He will make incredible friendships, learn independence and get confidence in doing things he would never have dreamt of.

Before I met my DH I was actually quite anti military, or at least very ignorant of it. Now I actively promote it to any children and family we have , especially if the generic university route isn't for them.

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.

I would too, and that’s knowing a number of friends who are in at various levels.

I don’t think a 17/18 year old can comprehend the impact it will have on their life when they’re older. Especially when it comes to relationships and having a family.

He's never mentioned the RAF at all. What about the Navy? He has talked about that but not as much as the Army.

Army foundation college Harrogate is amazing. My child went at 17. I can not praise the staff and the ethos of the college highly enough.

The forces can be an absolutely brilliant opportunity to gain skills and experiences that you would never get the opportunity for in the civvy world. For a bright lad I’d suggest looking at those which gain you a trade, in all branches there is a requirement for medics, hr/admin, mechanics, engineers etc etc. All these afford you qualifications and training (whilst being paid so a lot better than college), so you have something to fall back on when you leave. There’s normally a return of service attached to the training, but if he joined up at 18 he could leave mid-20s having got a good wage and qualifications if he decides it’s not for him. I wouldn’t recommend the infantry because there are less tours available currently and the skill set is less transferable to the civilian world. Certainly the fact that you’re being trained to kill is a misnomer, there are many trades available and many service personnel now will never fire a weapon in contact, and if they do it’s a worst case scenario. The cadets are a great way to get a taste; and some branches/cap badges run acquaints. The recruiting team is also really active on Facebook and they do virtual events so that’s a great way to find out a bit more about it and what sort of roles and opportunities might appeal! Good luck to him!

I think it's a shame some of you are using the word 'disappointed'. I was surprised and apprehensive when a family member joined but not disappointed. I trust them to follow their interests and see where it leads. You can only support and advise op. I'll keep disappointed for my relatives who are lazy/racist/unpleasant in laws

My ds is 16yrs old, he's always wanted to be a soldier. He starts at Harrogate Army College next month. He'll complete 49weeks at Harrogate and then 18weeks at Catterick, before being a fully fledge soldier. I had wanted him to wait until he was 18yrs old, but finding out how much more training they get going in younger actually made me feel less anxious. The application process is very lengthy, and takes really dedication to meet entry requirements.

@Mum060708

He's never mentioned the RAF at all. What about the Navy? He has talked about that but not as much as the Army.

I work with a lot of navy and ex navy. Lots of opportunities for learning a trade, and if he wants to stay in the maritime industry post service, there are jobs - right now many ships are crying out for people. I will say he'd be likely to be away a lot. In my experience, the navy takes a heavier toll in terms of maintaining relationships back home/having a work-life balance than either RAF or army. But if he loves the sea, enjoys life aboard ship and the camaraderie and closeness of that community and likes to travel, he'll absolutely adore it and may find it hard to leave!

@brittleheadgirl probably

@brittleheadgirl

Am I the only one who would be utterly disappointed if my ds (or dd) wanted to join the army? Also look very closely at the link between mental health issues and homelessness after leaving the forces. Shocking statistics unfortunately.

No. I’ve always said that army and becoming a born again Christian are my two worst nightmare outcomes for my children. Not wishing to offend others here but I would be so very upset.

@EmmaGrundyForPM there’s no disappointment to be had in joining the reserves. It’s just a club for those who want to play soldiers.

You can get a long way in the army from a very 'normal' background. I know someone ex-infantry who went in as a squaddie and one of the blokes he was in with is now a full colonel. The ex-forces that I know are on the whole really capable, adaptable people.

There are so many options within the army and the forces in general. As a PP suggested, get him to find a recruiting office and go for a chat.

Yes ordinary lads go to Dartmouth, Cranwell and Sandhurst.

He needs to use website and go to recruiting office sooner rather than later as the admissions process takes a good while for officers. He is then guided through by an ACLO - a sort of recruiting mentor.

They do psychometric tests, aptitude tests, fitness and medical before being considered for RCB or AIB. In the two years they get offered opportunities for taster sessions and to meet others. There is also the chance of sixth form scholarships. Some roles require a degree and that can be sponsored- engineering, medicine, nursing etc. Some roles you can be direct entry at 18.

If accepted they get amazing opportunities that are not afforded to many. They get additional qualifications and lifelong friendships. It’s a way of life rather than a job.
By the time he was twenty-one our son had been to ever continent. He’d snowboarded in Antarctica, ridden camels, yomped with veterans in DD celebrations and met world leaders, he’s planted poppies at the Tower of London, skydived in the dessert and parachuted in the Alps. Hes played rugby at Twickenham. He’s learned to Scuba dive, to Ski well and has his own house.

@Mum060708

He's never mentioned the RAF at all. What about the Navy? He has talked about that but not as much as the Army.

Perhaps take him (or online these days?) To speak to representativea for all three forces. Often army is the 'favourite' because it is the most known about, same with the navy. If he doesn't want to be a pilot he may not have considered RAF as he doesn't know about all the roles they do. The % of pilots to other personal is miniscule but it's all people tend to know about.

Its a lot different now compared to even 5 years ago. They had a real drive to become more professional, kick out the racist dickheads and less ruperts hanging around. He can do just about anything he wants there. If he has real talent but wants infantry still he should try royal marines. Training is ridiculously hard though.

My son has been going to army cadets since he was 12 and a half;they accept them until their 18 so it's a good place to start;only a small percentage of cadets go into the army but it's a great confidence builder,they make friends and they learn some great life skills there and it's also good if you want something to do if your on a low income as it's extremely affordable unlike some other youth organisations.

My DS wants to go into the army at 18;he chose to go to college to learn a trade first;he's doing motor vehicle engineering at college.

My best advice is to just be supportive;you can contact your local army recruitment office for advice.

The best thing that your son can do is talk to soldiers -Get him along to his nearest recruiting office and have a good chat with the soldiers there. The army can be a wonderful lifestyle, providing opportunities and instilling skills, confidence and friendships which last a lifetime.

It may help you OP to have a look on the army website at the list of current OPs, there are many many positive things that soldiers do, both at home and abroad- from helping in natural disasters, helping training other countries forces, etc. Also have a look at the forum ARRSE , (stupid name yes !) which is mumsnet for soldiers, it may give you an idea of what army life is really like.

I have been an army wife for more years than I like to admit , and have worked as a civvy welfare clerk, and my DH is coming up on his 22nd year. We know many army families who are happy and have great relationships and family /home life.

If you have any questions please do PM me, I’m happy to help.

Intelligence aswell is really interesting and actually sees action, get him learning arabic or russian for that

My cousin was in the Navy, she learnt medical skills (can't remember what it was called but she was qualified) and she was able to transfer those skills to outside life when she left. The Navy (in her case) seems to still help even years after she left. She recently had a baby and was in a financial situation, and a charity actually gave her loads of baby things. Also, my aunt and her now ex husband were in the Navy, they helped pay for her sons (my cousins) to go to a private school

[quote ComeonJulia]@EmmaGrundyForPM there’s no disappointment to be had in joining the reserves. It’s just a club for those who want to play soldiers.[/quote]
not sure the posted to Afghan would say that!

DS wanted to join the Air Force. He was in air cadets and rose to the highest possible rank as a cadet. He had flying lessons, did gold D of E first aid and other qualifications. He loved running up mountains, sleeping in foxholes and learning how to handle weapons. You know what changed his mind, the food on military bases and the thought of living on bases for months at a time and having no idea where he would be posted. He was applying as an officer and being sponsored for his degree. He had even had a talk with some regional recruitment person. It did chuck a massive spanner in the works at such a late stage plus covid when he got his A levels last year. He is currently working for a freight company and enjoying it for the time being. He is doing a night shift so the money is really good especially for such a youngster.

Two of his friends have joined the army. One always wanted to and his Dad had been in the army. The other is a bit of a rogue and has changed for the best by joining, I know his Mum very well. They had both been out of school for two years doing various jobs before going in, neither of DS friends did A levels. One has just got his HGV licence.

I personally think waiting till people have worked for a couple of years like DS friends is better purely because it’s such a huge career choice with a complete lifestyle change.

MN overall aspire to have kids that are accountants and Doctors, have never seen a thread go well where its a child wanting a military career.

RAF is less laddish and a bit more grownup