Come try and top this phrase/saying

[standingbymylover]

I've just read someone say 'tight as a gnat's Arse' and haven't laughed so much in ages

Are there any other goodies I'm missing out in?

So hungry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.

So tight he could peel an orange in his pocket.

Face like a grave robber's dog

To let in the attic

So mean they would skin a flea for a ha'penny

Up and down like a toddler's elbow
Dashing about like a fart in a colander
Dashing about like a blue-arsed fly

Looking like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.

As numb as a piss stone (thick)
As numb as a stump (thick)
Not so green as she's cabbage-looking

A friend who was into big, fast motorbikes would say disparagingly of smaller ones that they sound "like a fart in a biscuit tin".

I hope your next shite's a porcupine!

Not you OP! It's my favourite way to wish ill on someone.

@Yoksha

Do you houses at the weekend with a face like that. Said I response to my angry face by my brother.

That doesn't even make sense.

@HalzTangz

What a cockwomble that idiot is

I passed a (parked) scooter with 'cockwomble' painted on it, but I couldn't remember what it meant!

One of my favourites:
That rips ma knittin' (annoys me).

One sandwich short of a picnic (not very clever).

Face like a skelped arse/ face like the back end of a bus. (not attractive).

And my very favourite: Did he jump off at Partick? (Insert any train/ tube station which is the one before the city centre. Partick happens to be the one for us in Glasgow. It means when someone is dtd, has no condom, so pulls out before the end IYSWIM

Like a dog eating beetroot or Like a dog eating hot chips

They could eat an apple through a tennis racquet

He doesnae zip all the way up the back. (He's a bit simple).
Camp as a row of tents.
She fell out of the Ugly Tree.

A family member of mine says "you can only piss with the cock you've got" meaning you can only do your best with what you have.. makes me laugh every time

I like the old ones....fur coat no knickers.....short arms, deep pockets......first out the taxi, last at the bar. They remind me of my mum n dad. But the winner is...the shoes falling out of the loft one. That's had me crying !

I was reading a book and someone who'd ' been around the block' was described as ' having seen more jap's eyes than a tokyo based optician.'

I remember reading a thread on here which I think was talking about the types of people you find in local hobby groups.

One was speaking of their jobsworth committee member and described them as the "resident yammering sphincter".

Lovely mental picture.

A few ingredients short of an enchilada.

"So greasy he wouldnt stick if you threw him" a favourite for those slimy men that give you the ewww