Come try and top this phrase/saying

[standingbymylover]

I've just read someone say 'tight as a gnat's Arse' and haven't laughed so much in ages

Are there any other goodies I'm missing out in?

I like "couldn't run a bath"
My dad used to say "fine words butter no parsnips".

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock

What a cockwomble that idiot is

Looks like he was set on fire and put out with a shovel.
Face like a bag of spanners.
Face like a bucket of smashed crabs.

Carrying on like a pork chop

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

Tight as a gnat's chuff.

This has lead to DH registering on various websites as Titus Arnatschuff.

@BeautyGoesToBenidorm

"Fanny like a stamped bat" and "fanny like a shocked hippo" are a couple of my favourites.

My late best friend had the shits once, he described the sound of it as "like a load of old shoes falling out the loft" 😁😁

«A load of old shoes falling out of the loft» Thanks for that, a glass of good wine wasted, it’s all over the table....

If either me or dh look miserable we ask the question
'Why do you have a face like a depressed cod?"

It comes from a Shooting Stars Jack Dee joke that we'd been misquoting for years, its supposed to be grieving cod but depressed cod has stuck with us

Couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo
A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

That’s aged like a fish curry… works really well in some very specific scenarios

He's two stops past Dagenham (ie. Barking)

It ain't exactly rocket surgery.

Is it not do bears shit in the woods?

I think it's an intentional joke, does the Pope shit in the woods; are bears Catholic?

@JovialNickname hahaha

Can't believe you've said that as I thought I had made this one up (merging the two other ones together )

As dry as ghandi's flip flop

@pantherrose Surprisingly accurate, innit? 😁😁

In and out like a dog's dick

Wetter than an otter's pocket

“Short arms, long pockets” said my Lancastrian late Dad when I dared to bring a Yorkshireman boyfriend home. He wasn’t my boyfriend for long.

Shaking like a shitting dog.
Face like a melted welly.

A dribble short of a wee
Said about someone a bit daft

@ BeautyGoesToBenidorm Yup, best one yet and I’m still laughing! With observations like that and a great sense of humour, he must have been a joy to be around !

@pantherrose There was never a dull moment! He was the most glorious thing, a 7ft tall Labrador puppy of a man, with English as a second language and the funniest command of it I've ever heard 😂

@BeautyGoesToBenidorm
to him and to you for posting - I shall never think of the trots in the same way again