We've gone on holiday by mistake

[couchparsnip]

I feel like Withnail and I..
It's pouring with rain and we're staying on a farm in a really shoddy barn conversion. The bedroom door doesn't fit the frame so it doesn't shut.
There's no lock on the bathroom door.
The bathroom is accessed through a kid's bedroom so we have to creep through to go in the night and then wake up a grumpy teen to shower in the morning.
Shower goes intermittently cold.
Oven doesn't work and we like to cook.
The double bed was pushed against the wall so we moved it to get access both sides - and the skirting board fell off!
The TV is a wall mounted one but it's not mounted, just resting against the wall.
No bedside table, nowhere to hang clothes and nowhere to eat except on trays(which we had to buy) or an outside patio (see previous grumble about the weather).
There are several electrical violations we can spot - not least the outdoor patio light is powered by an ordinary plug set up outside and getting wetter by the second!
When I mentioned some of this to the owner he said the bathroom door lock was off because someone's kid was 'acoustic' and they had to come off.
We're chalking it up to experience and reporting to the company we booked through.

Anyone had worse. Make me feel better!

The handwritten signs are making me laugh. Reminds me of a stay in a cottage a couple of years ago. I got up in the night to use the toilet and ended up in a heap on the floor with a twisted ankle. Only saw the helpful signs in the morning!

One of the many sad things about this pandemic is the greed of people.

Anything to make money, no thought for the family who are trying to have a holiday.

Once stayed in a place in Cornwall for the week, The Foggy week as it is now known. To be fair the accomodation wasn't that bad. The weather was foggy for the entire week, every morning we would get up and look out of the windows and try to be positive, saying things to the children like 'look you can make out the tree's today, you couldn't see them yesterday, so its getting better'

Lol sounds like the place we booked on the isle of wight. Good God it was grim. Warnings about not to have more than 2 lights on in a 4 bed house cos it would trip the dodgy electrics and the fuse box was locked in a different building.

Are you the farmer?

Seriously though, if you have small DCs be really careful with that telly, it sounds like it could fall over.

That said, I am LOVING those signs especially 'light'

Your outdoor plug reminds me of an apartment we rented in Italy.

Very elderly lady owner showed us around. Pointed at a large floor standing lamp and theatrically said "Non Toccare! Non Toccare Si? Si?" whilst dramatically jerking her arm whilst making a loud buzzing noise. And then cackled her head off. Even with our limited Italian we got the message. We looked later and the braided fabric cord was bare to the wires in places and the plug looked ancient.

Still can't work out why they didn't just remove the dodgy lamp rather than leave it there still plugged in with guests at risk of forgetting not youse it and getting electrocuted!

I hope you enjoy a few light ales....

I wouldn't have moved a bed. I wouldn't get upset by the handwritten notes by the switches/plugs.

Might get mildly annoyed by the lack of places to hang up clothes, but not a deal breaker. I'd live with no internal lock.

The electrics that are clearly not up to code would have me out of there in a flash, though. One of my minimum requirements is no dangerous electrics! I don't think I'm asking much, but your host might disagree...

You need fine wines and cake!

(Another W&I reference for the uninitiated)

Hmm, might be inclined to share pics with said friend!

@couchparsnip

Loving the Withnail quotes. DH is off to Tesco so I of course said "I demand to have some booze!".

reviews: see my previous posts about personal recommendation. We thought we could trust them!

Could trust the host, or the person who made the recommendation?

Someone's off the Christmas card list...

Are you sure the person who made the recommendation likes you?

@Regularchoice

Most importantly, do you have enough of the finest wines available to humanity??

I think this calls for a camberwell carrot . Wine won’t touch the pain!

Speak to the owners but they're probably so mauve you don't know what they'll do

@couchparsnip

A couple more photos

Bloody hell!

You need to have some booze, demand some booze!!!

I predict this will end up in classics

I love the sign on the WiFi plug.

For those who haven’t seen Withnail and I it’s on BritBox.

I think for the dodgy electrics and TV issues alone you should get a full refund. It sounds like a H&S nightmare and something that might just about have been acceptable in the 1960s or 70s with the 'make do and mend' generation (our parents/grandparents).

Things always seem a lot worse if the weather is grotty and you're stuck inside.

We had similar when I was a child...

First inkling something was wrong was when we had to drive through a waterfall to reach it.
Stone built cottage, front garden was a collapsing wooden fence enclosing 3 ft nettles, many sheep and even more sheep shit.
Stone built cottage had much newspaper stuffed in cracks to stop the wind getting in.
Bedding was mouldy
Bed was a mattress on the floor
House had been taken over by spiders, most cobwebs I've ever seen.
Wiring had clearly been done sometime in the 1940s by someone with a grudge against humanity
No heating.

This was on Arran in the 80s... we decamped to a nice B&B the next day. But it definitely was the source of many great tales

The person who made the recommendation is my oldest dearest friend. They stayed in the neighbouring property which they say is much better! Apparently the farmer did up this place really quickly to make more cash. It shows!
We had no hot water this morning so I complained a lot. It's fixed now but we've been offered our money back if we want to leave. We would have to do it via AirBnB so I am wary...

One can get exterior electric sockets of course - needed if you have electric lawn mower etc and larger garden.
Is that in Norfolk or where please?

We went to pontins in Brean a few weeks ago, never again 😳

Keep taking the pictures. One day you'll be a bit tipsy and showing them to a pub load of friends while they all laugh their socks off.

Yes keep taking the pictures but also as proof to AirBnB and any other review sites you think necessary. That wonkily installed electrical socket with the Heath Robinson-ish cable on an outside badly pointed wall looks pretty scary...🌹

The photos are hilarious!! Poor you OP, I hope you survive the place

Sounds similar to our holiday from hell of 20 years ago.
We stayed in a barn conversion on a farm.
My children were young at the time.
It rained non stop the whole time.
We lived in wellies.
They had light coloured carpets and lots of low beams that we kept banging our heads on.
There were NO wardrobes.
We spent the whole holiday living out of suitcases and trying to not trek mud on the cream carpets whilst banging our heads
I just remembered. The owners kept wanting to engage with us which I find annoying on holiday.
I don't mind friendliness at the beginning and end but we wanted to be left alone the test of the time.
Yep holiday from hell.
It cost a fortune as well.

We are near Southport in Merseyside. Never been before but looks lovely so far!