We've gone on holiday by mistake

[couchparsnip]

I feel like Withnail and I..
It's pouring with rain and we're staying on a farm in a really shoddy barn conversion. The bedroom door doesn't fit the frame so it doesn't shut.
There's no lock on the bathroom door.
The bathroom is accessed through a kid's bedroom so we have to creep through to go in the night and then wake up a grumpy teen to shower in the morning.
Shower goes intermittently cold.
Oven doesn't work and we like to cook.
The double bed was pushed against the wall so we moved it to get access both sides - and the skirting board fell off!
The TV is a wall mounted one but it's not mounted, just resting against the wall.
No bedside table, nowhere to hang clothes and nowhere to eat except on trays(which we had to buy) or an outside patio (see previous grumble about the weather).
There are several electrical violations we can spot - not least the outdoor patio light is powered by an ordinary plug set up outside and getting wetter by the second!
When I mentioned some of this to the owner he said the bathroom door lock was off because someone's kid was 'acoustic' and they had to come off.
We're chalking it up to experience and reporting to the company we booked through.

Anyone had worse. Make me feel better!

It sounds like most of the holiday places we went to as kids, tbh, before the invention of tinternet and online reviews (and possibly english tourist board ratings)
As kids we usually found most of the things quite entertaining but I imagine it was much less enjoyable for my parents who actually had to deal with the issues! Me and Dsis still look back and laugh at a lot of the things.

Man, those acoustic kids. Still, better than the acapella ones.

We went to ‘luxury’ barn conversion in Yorkshire years ago in December. I’d booked it because I was desperate for a holiday and it was advertised as having heating included. Very important as we had a nine week old and a nearly 2 year old. The heating turned out to be one where you had to boost it every hour so we had to keep rushing downstairs in the middle of the night when I was breastfeeding to keep us from freezing. It was sleeting and the most interesting thing for a 2 year old to do was to go and watch the fish being fed at a nearby fish farm. I had no excuse as we knew Yorkshire pretty well.
The bathrooms had floor tiles which were like an ice rink and toddler kept slipping on them.
God only knows what I was thinking when I booked it, it’s a family joke now whenever we have a less than lovely holiday, well at least it’s not a luxury barn.🤣🤣

Break up their furniture, throw it in the fireplace and cook on that?

How have you gone on holiday by mistake? Surely you knew you were going.

@SeasonFinale

How have you gone on holiday by mistake? Surely you knew you were going.

It's a quote from Withnail and I - go watch the film and you will understand!

Another. My first trip to England. DH desperate to show me the English seaside. Sadly his fondness for it came from his holidays as a child in the 1950s. Caravans and such.

We went on a weekend trip with about 12 year old DS in tow. We ended up in Weymouth. We went to the tourist office and they had no vacancies except a room above a pub.

We had no choice. They did have a very tiny single room with the TV mounted on the wall for DS. He thought this was heaven.

Our room had a double bed so small it could only be in England (sorry but you do have small beds). It sagged so badly in the middle I decided to sleep on the floor on some cushions. They were so dusty I was wheezing all night.

The pub and parking lot were unbelievably noisy. After it closed there were cars racing up and down.

After a sleepless night I staggered to the shared bathroom down the hall. My first experience of a shared bathroom.

Naively I turned the door handle and opened the door. There, right in front of the door was a very large man sat on the toilet reading the newspaper. I fled back to our room.

We went to breakfast and of course said man was sitting two feet from me.

My appreciation of the great British seaside got off to a bad start.

Someone might have already asked, but was the farmer's leg bound in polythene?

Yellowlillies

I am waiting so see if this is possibly the funniest and worst holiday/ hotel experience.
I am going to read again 😂

I mentioned my holiday earlier, the reviews are ok, but to me it is the price that is the issue, I paid £800 for a week (for 5 of us, s/c bungalow) and so I am happy to put up with some of the niggles (very furry kettle, not enough chairs) and actually they don't effect us that much (ds (asd) doesn't eat with the rest of the family - we slurp like pigs apparently) but next year when the price is currently doubled (and no doubt some people will have paid the inflated prices for this year) it simply isn't good enough. For that I expect a fully equipped kitchen, a light and bedside table on both sides of the bed, oh and 'because covid' all the usual (and advertised) extra bits had been removed - pictures on the wall, games, games consoles etc.

One review was funny moaning that there should be more recycling bins like where they live (though the info about recycling really needs to be updated as it was wrong) and perhaps the company should have warned people that there was extensive work happening behind the bungalow (finished earlier this year)

So whilst not a bad holiday, too many are trying to charge luxury prices for standard accommodation.

I have no luxurious standards btw, my early childhood holidays (probably until I was at least 10) were spent in a one bedroom basement flat, with all 5 (mum, dad, me 2 sisters) of us sleeping in one room and the table was in the hall.

They were good holidays.

@jaundicedoutlook

We’re also on holiday and it is feeling a bit meh. Scotland. To be fair the cottage is lovely, but the weather has been sideways rain since we arrived.

DH booked an Alpaca walk for DDs today. Got there and it was just a light drizzle, but 5 minutes in and it was torrential. The alpacas looked forlorn - mine was keeping up a low level bleating noise and they all looked drenched and positively murderous. I’ve never been wetter. We all had waterproof jackets and wellies but by the time we had finished we had to come back to the cottage for a warm bath and it’s bloody August!

Dear god. And you had to pay for that.😁 .I always feel sorry for the poor bastard farmers that are out rescuing , birthing and looking after animals in all weathers Still it’s probably something you’ll all remember. Possibly “fondly”.with enough time. You’ve no absolutely nonsensical forms and PCR or compulsory Antigen tests though that cost the same as the entire holiday. There’s no winners this year.

Oh dear OP! But funny thread
And my addition to the W&I theme...black puddings won't be any good for you, you'll need something's flesh!!

@hellswelshy

Oh dear OP! But funny thread And my addition to the W&I theme...black puddings won't be any good for you, you'll need something's flesh!!

This is definitely DM fodder...

After moving into a freezing doer upper in the 90’s I decided to spend out on a luxury country cottage holiday to give us all a break- kids were 2 and 4.
Took a 4 hour drive to get there so we were all ready to flop… that house too was a building site , nothing like the brochure pictures, the kitchen was filthy and only one cupboard had been emptied for our use.
I found live loose 12 bore cartridges in the children’s bedroom and a 6 foot unfenced cavity by the back door .
The agency was closed , the kids were tired so we fed them , took them out for a walk to try to tire them out and then began the drive home.
Even freezing our own building site was warmer, safer and cleaner.
Owners couldn’t see the problem …
we sued and won, lesson learned.

Once stayed in a rented holiday cottage which had a large heavy fish tank sitting on the dining table. Personally, I found this unhygienic, and seeing fish swimming around when I was trying to eat my meal was surprisingly off-putting. However, the scary part was the electrical multisocket adaper that was hanging ABOVE THE OPEN FISHTANK. It was supported by a couple of loose nails in the wall and live electrical cables fed off from it in all directions: to the fish tank lights and air pump, to the the radio and to a lamp on the table - as well as the toaster. AIBU to have been stressed about this every time I saw it. The light switch on the wall had a broken cover too, so you could see the exposed wires inside. A socket near the floor was similar and I was scared my toddlers could put their fingers into it. I had to rearrange all the furniture to create child-safe barriers. Yes the wires were LIVE too.

My worst wasn't a holiday but university field trip to Morocco, we were to stay in 'gite' in a village in the mountains for two nights. I think it was Easter break. It snowed as we got there, the gite was a room with foam 'mattresses' on the floor, the window didn't have glass in it and one of the shutters was missing, so it was essentially a hole in the wall. The guide merrily informed us that if it didn't stop snowing we'd have to stay until it did, no way back down the mountain in the snow. The loo was a small room adjacent with a hole in the floor. They had electric light for two hours in the evening. Thankfully I had a really good sleeping bag and it did stop snowing. It was so cold.

Worst family holiday was in Brittany, it rained most of the week, the heated pool didn't warm up and in fact turned green midweek. Lots of wine was consumed. Another year in France the beautiful house we rented smelt of sewage in some of the rooms the septic tank was obviously in need of attention.

19:05FictionalCharacter

@susan123 Locking a fire escape is properly illegal too! I’m guessing you didn’t pack a pair of bolt cutters…… but if the owner won’t take the lock off, the local fire brigade would be happy to oblige, and give the owner a serious bollocking. People get prosecuted for doing this.

The caretaker at my dd's school was chaining a fire exit after school.
We realised when one Saturday there was a summer fair, the school hall was chocka with people and i noticed the fire door chained up.
We got the caretaker out quickly and he did get a bollocking.

Not sure whether to laugh or cry at some of these! We've started doing Airbnb this year and I'm so conscious of everything being perfect for my guests, I actually lose sleep over it sometimes. I'd be utterly mortified if they weren't happy

Last minute booking at B&B in margate with parents and two sisters when I was about 13. It was a family room, double bed, bunk beds and my youngest sister had to sleep on a lilo, not an airbed, on the floor which slowly deflated overnight. Dog slept in the suitcase. Ultimately though my sis probably had best bed as I got into the top bunk and it felt very cold and damp (the whole place was damp) I soon realised it wasn't just damp but wet as my nightdress was soaked. Mum checked and it was wee, not mine either! Turned out the owners daughter, who had learning difficulties, sometimes decided to sleep there and had done the night before and they hadn't realised she'd had an accident They changed the sheets but it still stank but I didn't dare complain. This was the 70s though and we were lucky to have a holiday

Another bugbear of mine ... smaller premises which tart up a room for the photos and then list just that one, creating the expectation that they're all similar

Luckily online reviews have scotched most of this, but there are still some who try it

Oh god, firstly this prompted me to watch Withnail and I again for the first time in about 25 years. Disturbing to see Richard E Grant looking youngish when, in my mind's eye, he was ancient last time I watched it - as a teenager 😔. Of course I got my teenagers involved for the re-watch then got told off by dh for "glamourising drug use" . 😳

Secondly, reading all the posts has brought a flood of memories back of terrible holiday properties.

Dodgy electrics being high on the list - plugs and extension leads hanging from awkward places, connected to essential appliances, plus terrifying electric bar heaters hanging on by threads in bathrooms. Bare wires painted over with emulsion, even tin foil connecting up wires or bits of appliances.

Unclean places with grime on unusable cookers and heaters. Dust, black mould, green algae.

Unfinished building works, full of wood or plaster dust. In one, a chateau, the shower leaked all over the top floor and through the ceiling to below.

We've seen it all.

Probably two memorable worst places - one in Amiens - riddled with bed bugs. Unbeknown we left our luggage, coats and bags to go out for dinner. Got back after 10pm, to find only a closed reception and a sign saying "in case of emergency call the security on *".

Got up to room. Tiny dots scuttling round, identified them on Internet. Realised the strong chemical and citrus smell must have been a repellant.

Had to call emergency number which eventually summoned a classically French looking grandma similar to Edith's mum from Allo Allo. Total denial.

Moved us to a ground floor room full of black mould and with corner of ceiling collapsed.

Second most grim - the Forks "town motel" in the Olympic peninsular (USA Pacific North West) . Obviously used as a bedsit for vagrants in winter, but tourist rooms in summer. Literally disgusting. One grim, purposeless kitchen with all utensils and crockery removed. This had two "bedrooms" sectioned off by cardboard walls about 2mm thick which moved when you touched the light switch.

My heart goes out to all of you with s* holiday stories. Mine isn’t nearly as bad but a long time ago I went with DS, aged 19 (this is relevant) for a long weekend - he was filming for a college project and wanted company/aka someone to pay all the bills!

We flew but the outward flight was delayed because they’d taken our luggage off the plane as they were suspicious of it!!

I’d booked 2 rooms in a reasonably priced hotel. When we arrived we were shown into one room with a double bed.Now, 19 year old DS was not going to want to share a bed with his Mum. so I stomped back to reception, told them they were out of order and we weren’t staying and rang a Mercure instead. The rooms there were fine but this was nearly 20 years ago I and I didn’t have a credit card, just cash and travellers cheques so I worried the whole time about whether I’d have enough cash to pay the bill. We managed fine. And then the little so and so, just as I was getting into PAris, announced that he;d finished his filming early and wanted to cut the trip short by a day, because he was missing GF! Of course I understood, but still.

DS has form, though - unwittingly. When he was 5 he and I (DH couldn’t get time off work) went for a weekend trip to Legoland in Denmark (this was before the English one opened). I thought in my innocence that he’d be happy with just the first evening and the whole of the next day at Legoland so we could go and visit Elsinore on the last day. (We drove). But he begged to go back and how could a loving mother refuse?!! Ive still not been to Elsinore, though DS now quite understands why I’d want to!