DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

@Ihavehadenoughalready

I'm going to need a British to American translator.

What is a squash and what is a fizzy drink.

I'm guessing fizzy is soda? Like Coca Cola or something?

You have fizzy drink right, so coke, Fanta, sprite etc...

Squash is a concentrated fruit syrup that you dilute with water, makes a week fruit drink (usually orange or black current but you can get more grown up flavours like rhubarb and ginger, elderberry etc)

Sorry, not even in anger. Because he wasn't angry, was he? He just decided he couldn't be fucked pretending to be nice any more. He probably did feel undermined by the kids not wanting the squash he'd made for them and thought he needed to assert his dominance over them. What kind of a man can't handle a child not wanting to finish the squash he's made for her and has to punish her?

A psychopath would probably react that way.

Just had to say why wasn’t it water? Fizzy drink every day isn’t great at all!

He needs to move out.

@Peanutsandchilli

You're overreacting. He got annoyed (at you, for undermining him) and threw a cup. Granted, it wasn't the best reaction but if he's never done this sort of thing before then I don't think I'd immediately jump to leaving him like everyone else seems to think. Just talk to him. We've all snapped at kids, I'm sure.

You are absolutely wrong. People don't just 'snap' at their kids or more specifically NOT their kids and throw things at them! They maybe shout but don't throw objects at them there's no excusing that behaviour and it will just be the beginning. Your poor children if you'd let a partner do that to them.

@Breastfeedingworries

Just had to say why wasn’t it water? Fizzy drink every day isn’t great at all!

He needs to move out.

They could drink fizzy all day every day its really not the point of the fucking thread is it.

Well done op your kids will thank you for this. They should never be intimidated in their own home.

@Breastfeedingworries why does it matter how other parents have chosen ti raise their child? OP and the kids dad have agreed on one fizzy drink a day. It's not going to kill them to have a fizzy drink instead of water once a day.

@wewereliars

peanutsand chilli you are completely and utterly wrong.

Abuse always starts somewhere, and it's started here.

Respectfully, I disagree in this case. If there has been no previous suggestion of violence from him, then I don't see why the immediate response would be to leave him. Does nobody work on their relationship these days? It seems to have become far too c

@Peanutsandchilli abusing a child isn't something you can work on.

Sorry, commonplace for families to have multiple step parents and generally be a mess.

@Peanutsandchilli

You're overreacting. He got annoyed (at you, for undermining him) and threw a cup. Granted, it wasn't the best reaction but if he's never done this sort of thing before then I don't think I'd immediately jump to leaving him like everyone else seems to think. Just talk to him. We've all snapped at kids, I'm sure.

This isn't just snapping. Not that it could be excused if it was, but it's not even relative to what happened. It was fucking juice, she is 6. So what if she didn't finish it?

If the OP went with your advice then what's next? Where's the line? What precedent does it set for the future if you can sweep this under the carpet?

No, I have never ‘snapped’ and thrown a cup at a child.

Something similar happened with my ex dp, we were together for a year, my dd has Aspergers and ADHD and can be argumentative and awkward, one day he just turned on her and totally lost it because she sneezed without covering her face (something so tiny). I kicked him out the next day, it wasn’t really the first incident but was the first where dd was scared. I couldn’t have someone around my DD’s that made them feel uncomfortable or someone who could lose their temper over something so tiny.

@Peanutsandchilli far more 'messy' to allow your kids to be brought up in an environment where they are going to be subjected to intimidating outbursts.

How about is reaction after what he did?

If you lost it and did something awful wouldn’t you want to diffuse the situation and try to make amends and apologise and reassure that it was your fault you lost control and behaved badly?

He didn’t, he slammed the door on his way out and has gone off in a huff.

Dreadful, petulant behaviour on top of his nasty outbursts and aggression.

What exactly is there to work on?

@Peanutsandchilli Are you the boyfriend 👀👀

[quote HerRoyalRisesAgain]@Peanutsandchilli abusing a child isn't something you can work on.[/quote]
It's not abuse. It's a one off irrational snap decision that is nothing to be proud of. If it happened multiple times then it would be different.

[quote TiredMummyZZZ]@Peanutsandchilli Are you the boyfriend 👀👀[/quote]
Yeah

It would be a cold day in hell before I’d put up with someone throwing things at my young child.

OP, I’m saying this in a supportive way, not judgemental - but coming out of an abusive relationship with young children and then going straight in to shacking up with and getting pregnant by a man you’ve been with for a year and a half…it says to me you need much, much better boundaries. Others gave mentioned the freedom programme. I agree.

And get this man out of the house.

Peanutsand chilli Far too many people stay in abusive relationships, because leaving is much much harder. I know because I did.

Every next step is a step down.

You REALLY do not know what you are talking about.

@Galassia

How about is reaction after what he did?

If you lost it and did something awful wouldn’t you want to diffuse the situation and try to make amends and apologise and reassure that it was your fault you lost control and behaved badly?

He didn’t, he slammed the door on his way out and has gone off in a huff.

Dreadful, petulant behaviour on top of his nasty outbursts and aggression.

What exactly is there to work on?

Exactly! He didn't try to fix it, and nor did he when he came back, he instead decided to slam about to show he was angry without talking about it so OP and the children would hear it.

@beastlyslumber

Well done, OP. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you got lucky tonight.

Once he realises you're ending it, he will suddenly become very, very sorry, and become magically able to realise the gravity of what he's done, and love bomb the fuck out of you. Just hold on to the reality that you've experienced today, and never give him another opportunity to hurt you or your babies.

this ^

be strong, kick him out and end this relationship.

no need to ever throw anything at anyone, especially an innocent child. Who does that!?

I think it's lovely that you are able to call their father and he has dropped everything to pick them up. That's a parenting win!!

@Ihavehadenoughalready

I'm going to need a British to American translator.

What is a squash and what is a fizzy drink.

I'm guessing fizzy is soda? Like Coca Cola or something?

Fizzy is soda. Squash doesn't actually exist in the US - Koolaid is the closest equivalent. Or water flavour enhancers. It's a concentrated fruit syrup you dilute with water to make a kind of weak fruit drink.

While it is VERY wrong I imagine he was pissed off that you told them to drink some of it then tip away and you would give fizzy ?