DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

[quote Opalfeet]@SeaShoreGalore absolutely unnecessary. Are you purposely trolling?[/quote]
How was it unnecessary? She isn't wrong. I wouldn't even think twice. I would not want a connection to this man for the next 19 years and I would certainly not want to leave one of my children with him, which is what the OP will have to do until this man does something worse than throwing a cup near a child.

Agree with @Fiddliestofsticks seek support from a trusted friend and don’t let this man be involved in your decision regarding the pregnancy, either way you decide he is simply not the right person to be trusted with your children.

You are doing great at securing a happy future for your children by having zero tolerance for STBXH behaviour and leaving the relationship. My husband grew up with a father like your previous abusive partner and the legacy they leave for the family is devastating
Well done Op

@MiddleAgeWoman

So the DCs dad was not who you had the previous abusive relationship with OP?

There was another one before this one? Your youngest is 6 so 4.5 when you got with current man and a baby/toddler when you were with the previous abusive partner ?

You seem to have moved pretty quickly if you are living together and pregnant just over a year in while already having two DC, and already having inflicted a previous abusive partner on them after breaking up with their Dad?

It may sound harsh but you need to stay single for a bit and figure out why you keep making bad relationship choices for your DCs sake. I could never have had another man living in my home with my DC if my DH and I split up after having a stepfather myself. Any relationship would have to be separate or I wouldn’t have one.

Just reading about that poor little boy in Wales, allegedly murdered by his stepfather, made me so angry. Happens time and time again. I do not understand at all why women invite unknown men into their DCs lives and homes when it’s well documented that they pose a risk to children. Especially when they have their own biological children with the mother. As a PP stated, it is very very relevant that your ‘P’s’ behaviour has changed to your DC now you are pregnant with his bio child.

I sincerely hope you get rid of this man and do not allow him in your DCs home again.

Agree. All these people saying how great it is she puts her kids first. She moved in with him after knowing him a year

@MiddleAgeWoman

So the DCs dad was not who you had the previous abusive relationship with OP?

There was another one before this one? Your youngest is 6 so 4.5 when you got with current man and a baby/toddler when you were with the previous abusive partner ?

You seem to have moved pretty quickly if you are living together and pregnant just over a year in while already having two DC, and already having inflicted a previous abusive partner on them after breaking up with their Dad?

It may sound harsh but you need to stay single for a bit and figure out why you keep making bad relationship choices for your DCs sake. I could never have had another man living in my home with my DC if my DH and I split up after having a stepfather myself. Any relationship would have to be separate or I wouldn’t have one.

Just reading about that poor little boy in Wales, allegedly murdered by his stepfather, made me so angry. Happens time and time again. I do not understand at all why women invite unknown men into their DCs lives and homes when it’s well documented that they pose a risk to children. Especially when they have their own biological children with the mother. As a PP stated, it is very very relevant that your ‘P’s’ behaviour has changed to your DC now you are pregnant with his bio child.

I sincerely hope you get rid of this man and do not allow him in your DCs home again.

Making bad relationship choices? ODFOD. Maybe men shouldn't be abusive eh?!

@Eviethyme

The thing for me would be not the fact he threw it but hte fact he got angry over nothing?? You said she could have a fizzy drink and she went to get a fizzy drink.. Why the hell would he get so angry over that and that's the worrying part.

Be grateful they arnt his kids at least but I do actually agree with others about leaving

Yes, I agree with this. It's concerning because it seems as if there was something unrelated that made him angry, and he simply unleashed that anger onto your daughter. That's scary because it shows you that he can't control his anger.

"Agree. All these people saying how great it is she puts her kids first. She moved in with him after knowing him a year "

That does not mean she is not putting her children first now. In relation to this incident. She absolutely is. Man threw object at her child + man gone = putting her child first.

We can sneer at her for past choices or we can show support for the decision she made following an act of aggression against her child. 🤷‍♀️

After all the posts about a bloke treating the children like shit (either his partner's children or shared) and the op prioritising the relationship and talking about how he loves the kids, how great he is normally, how difficult the children are, how sorry he is... It is so ruddy great to read an op act in the best interests of her child immediately following a first incident of aggression against a child that I want to throw a bloody parade and yell hallelujah through a pissing megaphone!

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

"Agree. All these people saying how great it is she puts her kids first. She moved in with him after knowing him a year "

That does not mean she is not putting her children first now. In relation to this incident. She absolutely is. Man threw object at her child + man gone = putting her child first.

We can sneer at her for past choices or we can show support for the decision she made following an act of aggression against her child. 🤷‍♀️

After all the posts about a bloke treating the children like shit (either his partner's children or shared) and the op prioritising the relationship and talking about how he loves the kids, how great he is normally, how difficult the children are, how sorry he is... It is so ruddy great to read an op act in the best interests of her child immediately following a first incident of aggression against a child that I want to throw a bloody parade and yell hallelujah through a pissing megaphone!

Three consecutive men under the same roof in six years is a lot for a six year old child to take onboard especially on with special needs.

It is relevant to point this out as now the op is on her own she has the chance to contemplate, reflect and understand that it’s not a good idea to have a man move in so soon whilst in a relationship.

There are ways to say that that are supportive and there are ways to say that that read more like the intention is to give her a kicking about it.

Three consecutive men under the same roof in six years is a lot for a six year old child to take onboard especially on with special needs.

You're just making assumptions. The abusive ex could have been before dc or could indeed be the DC's dad. The reason I asked (but op hasn't responded as presumably asleep) was as I was wondering if he'd be able to offer her support for herself not just childcare. Not to berate the OP on her choices which are of no relevance here. The advice to get rid of this man would be the same either way.

@MiddleAgeWoman

So the DCs dad was not who you had the previous abusive relationship with OP?

There was another one before this one? Your youngest is 6 so 4.5 when you got with current man and a baby/toddler when you were with the previous abusive partner ?

You seem to have moved pretty quickly if you are living together and pregnant just over a year in while already having two DC, and already having inflicted a previous abusive partner on them after breaking up with their Dad?

It may sound harsh but you need to stay single for a bit and figure out why you keep making bad relationship choices for your DCs sake. I could never have had another man living in my home with my DC if my DH and I split up after having a stepfather myself. Any relationship would have to be separate or I wouldn’t have one.

Just reading about that poor little boy in Wales, allegedly murdered by his stepfather, made me so angry. Happens time and time again. I do not understand at all why women invite unknown men into their DCs lives and homes when it’s well documented that they pose a risk to children. Especially when they have their own biological children with the mother. As a PP stated, it is very very relevant that your ‘P’s’ behaviour has changed to your DC now you are pregnant with his bio child.

I sincerely hope you get rid of this man and do not allow him in your DCs home again.

I think the OP’has enough to deal with without your criticism.

Just wanted to check in op and say you are doing brilliantly. This is so difficult for you and you are being amazing.

keep strong

Sorry you're going through this.

You have choices at the moment.

Once there's a baby you and all your DCs will be tied to this abuser forever.

@AnotherEmma

It's not too late to consider your options if you are unsure about continuing the pregnancy. If you do continue you don't have to put him on the birth certificate.

Please protect your existing children above all else.

This! if you go ahead with your pregnancy, keep him off the BC.

The present DC' s father may get to hear about the cup throwing and you need to be prepared to show how you safeguarded them by getting rid of your 'd'p.

I hope you managed to get some rest OP.

You are doing the right thing. Kick him out. Put your kids first and learn to live alone with them.

The present DC' s father may get to hear about the cup throwing and you need to be prepared to show how you safeguarded them by getting rid of your 'd'p.

Well considering she called him to come and collect the dc at the time which he did so with full knowledge of the situation, I'd say she's got that covered!

I'm in awe of you OP. My mum always overlooked my abusive stepdads behaviour towards me and I've got a lot of issues from it. If she'd have shown him the door even after the 5th or 6th time I would have so much respect for her now. You have shown your daughter what she cannot put up with

Well done for being so decisive, op. He's behaving the way many abusers do, waiting until his feet are firmly under the table before showing his true colours, but now that you've seen him for what he is, you're getting rid. Well done.

Only you can decide what to do about about the pregnancy.

@liveforsummer

The present DC' s father may get to hear about the cup throwing and you need to be prepared to show how you safeguarded them by getting rid of your 'd'p.

Well considering she called him to come and collect the dc at the time which he did so with full knowledge of the situation, I'd say she's got that covered!

Yes I see that now! I skim read which I don't normally do and missed it!

Thankfully the DC's dad sounds ace.

[quote Opalfeet]@SeaShoreGalore absolutely unnecessary. Are you purposely trolling?[/quote]
Lots of posters had hinted around the idea of a termination before that post, they just didn't come right out with it. Why pick out just that one ?

@AnotherEmma

No you are not overreacting. LTB. Do the Freedom Programme. And don't move in with another man for a long time.

This!

I hope you've managed to get some sleep and the tension in the house is bearable.

I think you will look back and see little things that show he was becoming more controlling. Just remember you have been incredibly strong and you can get through this. Your children know they are your priority, they will remember that. Your daughter may need someone to talk about this too so she doesn't blame herself, children are so good at this.

@MiddleAgeWoman

So the DCs dad was not who you had the previous abusive relationship with OP?

There was another one before this one? Your youngest is 6 so 4.5 when you got with current man and a baby/toddler when you were with the previous abusive partner ?

You seem to have moved pretty quickly if you are living together and pregnant just over a year in while already having two DC, and already having inflicted a previous abusive partner on them after breaking up with their Dad?

It may sound harsh but you need to stay single for a bit and figure out why you keep making bad relationship choices for your DCs sake. I could never have had another man living in my home with my DC if my DH and I split up after having a stepfather myself. Any relationship would have to be separate or I wouldn’t have one.

Just reading about that poor little boy in Wales, allegedly murdered by his stepfather, made me so angry. Happens time and time again. I do not understand at all why women invite unknown men into their DCs lives and homes when it’s well documented that they pose a risk to children. Especially when they have their own biological children with the mother. As a PP stated, it is very very relevant that your ‘P’s’ behaviour has changed to your DC now you are pregnant with his bio child.

I sincerely hope you get rid of this man and do not allow him in your DCs home again.

You've made a massive assumption there. The way it reads to me was that she was in an abusive relationship before having DC. OP has enough on her plate without you sticking the knife in.

Three consecutive men under the same roof in six years is a lot for a six year old child to take onboard especially on with special needs.

OP has not had three men under the same roof in 6 years, a previous poster made a wild assumption and now they, and you, are treating it as fast in order to use it as a stick to beat her with. OP is going through enough, and quite frankly is fucking amazing, and could do with out judgemental crap like this.