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Original poster

DP just threw a cup at DD

464 replies

MotherOfDemons · 06/08/2021 19:59

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

OP posts:
Fiddliestofsticks · 06/08/2021 23:12

Dont discuss the pregnancy with him.

Make whatever decision YOU want to make. If you choose to end it, you do not need to tell him. Make the appointment, have a friend with you, and have it done. Do not discuss it with him if it is what you want.

If you want to continue it, then just dont allow him to use it as an excuse to spend time with you. He doesn't need to be there for any of it until after the birth. And even then, dont let him suck you back in. Be hands off from him.

therocinante · 06/08/2021 23:13

OP I just wanted to add how incredible you've been tonight - obviously as a mum, but also just as a person. To have been through an abusive relationship and get to the point where you know your worth and refuse to accept it again is no small feat. Flowers

swingsandroundaboutss · 06/08/2021 23:15

@Viviennemary

I dont get the requests of throwing half a drink away. And he still didn't manage to get it right. Giving out orders about fizzy drinks and squash and how much they are allowed to drink. Does life need to be so complicated. He was trying to grt himself something to eat. Couldnt you have dealt with the drinks yourself.
Giving out ‘orders’? What was OP ‘ordering’ him to do? It doesn’t matter what you ‘get’ or what you understand. An adult threw something at a 6 year old. That’s what happened because that adult made the choice to do so.
DoTheNextRightThing · 06/08/2021 23:19

@Viviennemary

I dont get the requests of throwing half a drink away. And he still didn't manage to get it right. Giving out orders about fizzy drinks and squash and how much they are allowed to drink. Does life need to be so complicated. He was trying to grt himself something to eat. Couldnt you have dealt with the drinks yourself.
?????

DD was going to the sink to pour out her remaining drink. What part of that warranted having the cup thrown at her?

LadyT27 · 06/08/2021 23:32

I don’t usually comment on posts but just want to say I admire how strong your thought decision had been in regards to safeguarding your children, even involving your ex and doing so very quickly. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you know what you need to do going forward. He is definitely someone you do not want in your children’s lives. As a mother, I would run a million miles after that behaviour. Good luck to you, I think you’ll do just fine without him

ulstermourne · 06/08/2021 23:36

I feel so much for you. But you cannot accept this for your children. This is what he really feels towards them, you can only expect more, and once is once too often for your child to have to experience.

WetBench · 06/08/2021 23:38

I just wanted to add my voice to everyone else in saying you have been an absolutely fantastic mum tonight, a bloody brilliant one. You have taken no shit and recognised this was really really wrong and taken immediate steps to safe guard your children. You are truly truly amazing and your STBEx knows your Ex knows what he’s done and where you are, so you will hopefully be safe overnight until you can get him out. But don’t think twice about asking him to leave, you leaving or calling the police at any point if he escalates. Can you go to your Ex’s as well? Or a family member?
But again, you are brilliant.

BrozTito · 06/08/2021 23:56

Why the hell did he even think he had that authority over your kids?

TopBlogger · 06/08/2021 23:58

Awful situation, well handled by you and ex. Not on topic - but why on earth did you and ex split up?!! The way you talk about him is lovely, and he sounds a great dad

(Yes I'm nosey Grin)

BrozTito · 07/08/2021 00:07

Id agree you should text him or have somebody there when gettin rid, his stomping in and out and sulking is meant to give him the high ground and have you apologising so its likely to shatter his wafer thin ego. You've done very well op, wish my parents had been the same.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 07/08/2021 00:08

Thanks to those who answered my question about what is squash. It actually was sort of relevant to the story.

Good luck to you, OP, and of course you can't allow him to throw things at or "near" your daughter. It's so scary especially to a little kid.

SeaShoreGalore · 07/08/2021 00:08

I would get an abortion.

Opalfeet · 07/08/2021 00:11

@SeaShoreGalore absolutely unnecessary. Are you purposely trolling?

SeaShoreGalore · 07/08/2021 00:22

Nope Confused Why would I be?

Probably should have said ‘termination’, as sounds a little less harsh, but the OP has hinted she is thinking about it, and I just wanted to show a little solidarity.

Opalfeet · 07/08/2021 00:28

No you should not have said anything, it wasn't the question and an answer like that with no other response was inappropriate

Nancydrawn · 07/08/2021 00:34

@Viviennemary

I dont get the requests of throwing half a drink away. And he still didn't manage to get it right. Giving out orders about fizzy drinks and squash and how much they are allowed to drink. Does life need to be so complicated. He was trying to grt himself something to eat. Couldnt you have dealt with the drinks yourself.
What the actual fuck, Vivienne.

OP, you've done nothing wrong. And you know what? Even if you had been unreasonable (which you were not), he doesn't get to retaliate by throwing something at your daughter.

You've taken clear and decisive action, and while I imagine it can't be easy, you've done wonderfully as a parent.

Wolframhart · 07/08/2021 00:40

Thank you for being the kind of mother who gets her kids out of a situation like this. You are saving them a lifetime of torment.

sunnymoo · 07/08/2021 01:07

Hi I just want to let you know you're making the right decision for you and your children, he doesn't even seem remotely sorry xx

NowEvenBetter · 07/08/2021 01:20

It’s such a breath of fresh air to read, for once, about a woman who prioritises her kids over some shitty new boyfriend. I hope you get the trash removed from the house, and in future, don’t let any boyfriend near your kids for several years, if it even needs to happen at all. There’s zero benefit to kids to have some bloke forced into their house anyway.

CorianderBee · 07/08/2021 02:01

Wow. This is one of the clearest results I've ever seen. A woman who is 100% for her kids. Be proud. You are a mother Lioness

Pallisers · 07/08/2021 02:02

[quote Opalfeet]@SeaShoreGalore absolutely unnecessary. Are you purposely trolling?[/quote]
Why would you say this? I would also have a termination in these circumstances. OP herself raised the question about the pregnancy and her options.

I suspect OP's life will be a lot easier if she doesn't have a baby and a permanant link to this man.

PerciphonePuma · 07/08/2021 02:22

@ActonSquirrel

I can't believe you're even asking. Yes leave. However I cannot believe the drama over drinks. Negotiation over drinking some of it and tipping it out?!
You very clearly have ZERO clue about Autism!!!

You have to Pick. Your. Battles

EnglishScot · 07/08/2021 02:31

Can’t even believe the conversation about juice! My kids are known to pour too much accidentally and just pour it down the sink. I can’t even comprehend this discussion. Drink half Hmm

Get him to fuck OP.

EnglishScot · 07/08/2021 02:32

@PerciphonePuma am I misreading the post? It sounded like the OP wanted the kids to drink half of the squash but why? It was someone else’s mistake that it was poured in the first place.

MiddleAgeWoman · 07/08/2021 02:47

So the DCs dad was not who you had the previous abusive relationship with OP?

There was another one before this one? Your youngest is 6 so 4.5 when you got with current man and a baby/toddler when you were with the previous abusive partner ?

You seem to have moved pretty quickly if you are living together and pregnant just over a year in while already having two DC, and already having inflicted a previous abusive partner on them after breaking up with their Dad?

It may sound harsh but you need to stay single for a bit and figure out why you keep making bad relationship choices for your DCs sake. I could never have had another man living in my home with my DC if my DH and I split up after having a stepfather myself. Any relationship would have to be separate or I wouldn’t have one.

Just reading about that poor little boy in Wales, allegedly murdered by his stepfather, made me so angry. Happens time and time again. I do not understand at all why women invite unknown men into their DCs lives and homes when it’s well documented that they pose a risk to children. Especially when they have their own biological children with the mother. As a PP stated, it is very very relevant that your ‘P’s’ behaviour has changed to your DC now you are pregnant with his bio child.

I sincerely hope you get rid of this man and do not allow him in your DCs home again.

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