Did you grow up in an affectionate home where you said "I love you" often?

[6demandingchildren]

This came up on my Facebook.
For me my dad has never said it to me but his partner has, my mum says it not she is older but never when I was growing up.
My husband parents didn't like children and still don't.
Me and DH always tell our children and grandchildren we love them and let them know how proud they make us.
Was it the norm for 70's children?

No, I never heard those words from either parent... to each other or their children. Never any form of hugs or kisses or physical contact any way way towards anyone either. My upbringing was odd and becomes more unhappy and dysfunctional the older I get and the more I think about it

I ensure I tell my DS 'I love you' daily, and hug him often - despite him being a teenager

I was born in the sixties into a loving and affectionate home. My parents have always hugged us and said I love you.
Even now as adults they hug and kiss us goodbye with a ' love you ' when we see them, which isn't often enough now as they live in my home country.
Hell, even my DH gives my mum a kiss goodbye.
We tell our kids and grandkids we love them too.

I'm in my late 50's and never once remember my parents saying it or expressing it in other ways. I can't really say that I love my parents.

I say it to my grown up children all the time.

I grew up in a wonderful family, love wasn’t mentioned but I knew I was loved.
It wasn’t a done thing in 70s

Sometimes now I think it’s overused and becomes meaningless

No, we're v awkward with each other. I tell my kids over and over how much I love them and hug them all the time.

Nope. Can’t remember ever being told I love you when I was growing up.

Me and my kids - ALL the time! My 19 year old ds always says, Love you mum. All three of my children are told they are loved and and say they love us countless times a day.

It’s not overused and it is meaningful.

No. And it didn't cross my mind to say it to my kids at first. The strange thing that happened in our family is that our kids started saying it to us so we also started saying it and now we say it every day, every phone call and it feels really normal.

70s child - neither parents said 'I love you' nor were they affectionate and they were conditional about how agreeable they'd be to me. Two very disagreeable people in a failing marriage. But my affectionate Granny lived with us and she was great. I was so lucky to have her. I tell ds that I love him all the time.

80s kid, yes affectionate mum who told us she loved us a lot (still does). Dad was affectionate but never said (says) I love you to me/bro.

They're just different people who reflect their own upbringings. Dad was shunted off to boarding school when he was 7, and hated every minute of it.

@ivykaty44

I grew up in a wonderful family, love wasn’t mentioned but I knew I was loved. It wasn’t a done thing in 70s

Sometimes now I think it’s overused and becomes meaningless

Yes ... I rather feel this too.

I don’t doubt that all the posters saying they declare it ten times a day to their children do genuinely love them. But I don’t understand why the love needs to be so repeatedly verbalised - as if the children won’t know it otherwise.

Someone above recalled not being shown love - not being hugged or kissed or tucked into bed, or read to ... I had all that and more, all my parents’ attention, enthralling conversation around the dinner table, treats and surprises and trips, an unending supply of new books (which was what mattered most to me) and time and leisure to read or pursue my interests. I knew I was precious to them. I just can’t see how my life would have been improved in any way with repeated declarations of love in the course of normal day to day interaction.

Even now, I’m perfectly secure in my nonagenarian parent’s continuing love. We speak all the time (remotely) and it’s the nicest thing in the world when they FaceTime me. At this stage of their life I would be frightened if they felt the need to tell me they love me.

Oddly enough, we do all verbalise love more for the next generation of the family - and really only because we know it’s a ‘thing’ now.

@FourTeaFallOut

70s child. I can count on one hand how many times my Dad said he loved me but I couldn't begin to count how many times he ruffled my hair when he walked past me, read to me on a night-time helped me with homework, or made me a sandwich to make sure I ate something before I went out or recorded things on the telly I might like or tell me about something he heard on the radio I might be interested in.

I mean, people put a lot of stock in words but they roll off the tongue with no effort. I was never in doubt that he loved me and was proud of me.

Same here. Neither parents have EVER told me they love me (I'm 47 now) and having my own DC I can't understand how they couldn't. However, they left me in absolutely no doubt that I was very loved, by both of them.

I don’t think it needs to be said if you feel secure and loved it’s almost said in your head by the way you are raised so you don’t miss it.
Equally I personally don’t feel it can be said too much and become overused.
It’s different to romantic love where using it sparingly seems more deeply felt.
With children it just seems to fall out regularly. My DD’s don’t seem to be spoilt by it or sickly sweet or anything the term “overused” might imply. I suppose I could see it looking insincere if someone was cooing it every 5 seconds. I tend to say it the times we part in the day and bedtime.
I also text it my young teens if they have a big test or something nerve wracking on.

I definitely grew up in an affectionate house and never had any reason to doubt either of my parents' love.

It was never said though. I think I that was perfectly normal in those days (child in the 60s and teen in the 70s).

I still find the casual 'love you' rather odd. It's used almost as a throwaway line and never sounds particularly sincere to me. I think it's a generational thing though.

"Always felt my childhood home was just a disparate bunch of individuals who would never have chosen to spend time together had they not been related. Still feel that way about them now and don't miss them one iota." this is exactly it @XDownwiththissortofthingX, I've since gone NC with my family and don't miss them. At first it concerned me why I was so detached from them but the more I thought about my childhood, the more I realised how we weren't even a functioning family in the first place, just a dictator for a dad, a weak mum, and siblings I had no connection to.

Never...and it would be too incredibly awkward now, but it's there nonetheless

In my experience there’s an awful lot of people who say the words but don’t follow it up with actions. It’s really easy to say ‘I love you’ but it means nothing unless you show that love. I don’t say ‘love you’ to my daughter when she goes off in the car on a journey, we hug and then say ‘safe journey, drive carefully’. I don’t think we’ve said we love each other since she was small but the unexpected cup of tea, or text with a link and ‘ I saw this and thought of you’ means we are in no doubt.
My youngest DS (25) has never said it, but gives unexpected hugs and writes the most amazing birthday/Mother’s Day cards listing why he loves me.

Never, ever. I tell my kids, grown up now, all the time and cuddle them. One of my DS is 20 he always comes up to me for a cuddle.

@crochetandcoffeebreaks

Always seems to be a perception that people go NC because of some cataclysmic event, abuse, a falling-out etc, when in reality it's simply because spending time with the people in question is either utter tedium or like sticking pins in your own eyes. It's actually somewhat of a relief to me that nobody in my immediate family is the clingy/needy type, because the thought of contrived contact with them or having to feign affection where none exists fills me with an enormous sense of meh. I've already deliberately avoided passing on contact details after the last time I moved, I think if they pressed me I'd change my name and do a proper disappearing act. Can choose your friends, but not your family. All you can do is do your best to ignore them

I don’t doubt that all the posters saying they declare it ten times a day to their children do genuinely love them. But I don’t understand why the love needs to be so repeatedly verbalised - as if the children won’t know it otherwise.

I always said it to DS1 a lot, then my second baby son died, and now I say it a hundred times a day. My fear is that he might die too, I want him to know how absolutely adored and cherished and loved he is every moment.

Early 80's child and my parents always told us they loved us. All calls / goodnight were ended with a "love you" and a kiss if in person (still continued into adulthood)

Even in my 40's we always said "love you" after calls, emails, messages, goodbyes.

I am the same with my kids. Lots of kisses and cuddles and "I love yous". DP is a little less physically affectionate but kind and loving.

In-laws had 5 boys so it was a different dynamic but they are loving, affectionate and emotionally demonstrative with their grandchildren.

Times and expectations have changed. It’s easy to blame perfectly ordinary parents who were trying their best within the social norms of the time for our failings.

Children were much less indulged forty years ago. They were far more independent and parents didn’t tend to spend every waking moment trying to achieve perpetual happiness. Not saying I love you and following your every breath doesn’t mean you weren’t loved.

no, and as an adult I never said it to my parents. We llived far apart and when visiting them once I tried hugging them goodbye and it was so cringey it was untrue.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX tbf we did have a falling out but being detached made it easier I guess. I used to think I was an introvert but really just found everyone acting like we were a happy family to the rest of the world for appearances sake exhausting!

I had an odd experience a few years ago ... I (middle aged) and my mother went to visit a very old friend in a hospice. Several other family members and other old friends came and went during the day. My mother and I, relaxed and happy to be able to spend time with the friend, reminisced and bickered and disagreed with each other through the day. Thought nothing of it - until we were saying our goodbyes, when another old friend (my age, known all my life though much less contact now) caught up with us to say how much she envied our easy familial relationship. She said she’d never had that sort of free flowing, unconstrained relationship with her own mother - they never bickered, they kept their distance. It did make me think. And be thankful.

No never grew up saying or hearing those words. I was shocked when I first heard friends saying it to their parents and I wondered how they didn't feel weird afterwards. It wasn't an unhappy household, we are all just quite competitive and independent and would be weird if we showed affection. Other families think we are strange but it just isn't in our dynamic