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Original poster

Did you grow up in an affectionate home where you said "I love you" often?

166 replies

6demandingchildren · 04/08/2021 20:13

This came up on my Facebook.
For me my dad has never said it to me but his partner has, my mum says it not she is older but never when I was growing up.
My husband parents didn't like children and still don't.
Me and DH always tell our children and grandchildren we love them and let them know how proud they make us.
Was it the norm for 70's children?

OP posts:
merryhouse · 04/08/2021 20:34

I don't think my parents ever said that.

I have a very clear memory of my mother saying "oooooh, my little girl!" with a particular inflection indicating delight. Still doing it when I was about twelve, I think Grin

We had a goodnight kiss every night (my dad was still doing that up until a few years ago, which felt a bit odd after 20 years off...)

My mum would often pick one of us up and stand giving a cuddle in the kitchen. That was still happening when I was 12 too.

HealthKick2021 · 04/08/2021 20:34

@HealthKick2021

My mother was very affectionate but my dad didn't know how to bed. He only told me he loved me when I became an adult. It was really emotional. He was a 60s child
*be
broccolibush · 04/08/2021 20:35

My parents didn’t. My dad did once when I was in my late 30s but I’ve never heard the words from him before or since (and he was using it to shut me down in a disagreement when he said it). We also didn’t have physical affection like hugs. They don’t even write love on birthday cards.

I’m pretty unbalanced and carry a lot of baggage from childhood and only have limited/strained contact with my parents.

freelions · 04/08/2021 20:38

I was born in the mid 1970s

I had a very stable upbringing and my parents have always been 100% reliable but they have never been especially affectionate and I don't ever remember them telling me they loved me or were proud of me although I'm sure they did and do. My Mum has become a bit more affectionate in her old age and now likes to hug me and the DC which she never previously did. I just accept that is how they are and sometimes actions speak louder than words.

I do tell my DC (teens) I love them but not on a daily basis. We are not a very touchy feel family and I'm sure that is partly due to my unbringing.

There is a lot to be said for providing a secure and stable home for your DC and I think I would rather have parents who are a little reserved but utterly dependable than parents who gushed about how much they loved me but made crap decisions and
live chaotic lives!

GoAwayCat · 04/08/2021 20:39

No my parents never said it, but I am left in no doubt of their love in many other ways.

DHs parents didn't say it. DH and I don't say it to one another except occasionally ironically or tongue in cheek.

We do say it to the DC regularly. It felt forced to start with but has become more natural over time.

I'm trying to be much more open about...basically everything... with my DC than my own family was, or even than DH and I are.

Edmontine · 04/08/2021 20:40

Huge amounts of love and affection growing up - but the specific phrase “I love you” would have seemed ... a bit weird. Too literal and obvious in normal day to day life. (Love-affirming phrases did occur in letters to me.)

Tbh I recall “I love you” being something that needy American parents said in 70’s US TV shows. Later copied by English soaps. I don’t much like it.

FunnyWonder · 04/08/2021 20:41

'I love you' was never said in my family. I grew up in the seventies. There were hugs from my dad when we were very small, but that stopped. I can't remember any displays or words of affection in our house after that. My siblings and I were close and played happily together and, as the eldest, I was protective of them, but we didn't hug each other and still don't. I hug my children though, even the reluctant 13yo from time to time when he allows me!

PattyPan · 04/08/2021 20:43

No and we still don’t say it - I was born in the 90s. I guess it’s just not how my parents show love. I say it all the time to DP though so it hasn’t scarred me.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 04/08/2021 20:44

I was an 80s child and had very little affection or attention at all. My mum certainly didn't say she loved me and there was very little in the way of affection. She repeatedly told me how much she hated kids and wished we'd never been born as we ruined her life (we weren't accidents, she tried for years to have me). We were very well behaved children so it's not like that was a reason for hating us.

I do remember her telling me it was weird that my dad kissed and hugged us when he dropped us off after access visits and that we shouldn't allow it. So we followed the order and never had any physical contact with him since. It's sad really as he's a great dad and it must have been upsetting for him at the time. I've had an aversion to physical contact ever since then and don't even like my DP hugging me.

My DP's mother never showed him any affection either. His dad scarpered early on and hasn't been heard from since. Although his mum wasn't affectionate, she wasn't cruel like my mum, so he seems to have grown up a little more normal than me. He doesn't recall ever being told he was loved either.

SoddingWeddings · 04/08/2021 20:44

80s kid. No physical or verbal affection in my house growing up, and whilst we were fed, entertained, sent to expensive music classes and sports events etc, I never felt any warmth. Only expectation that I would do well in whatever they were paying for.

I love my in laws - they are so loving in thought, action and speech, and they make me feel so loved.

wheresmymojo · 04/08/2021 20:46

Nope.

It's not something anyone says in my family and there's very little physical affection either.

I can't say I'm particularly bothered - I know my DM loves me, we're very close.

As it happens I'm affectionate with DH and tell him I love him all the time and definitely would with our DC if we have them.

Greenmarmalade · 04/08/2021 20:46

No, but I still knew I was loved (80s). I still don’t say it to them, or vice versa- it’s just known.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 04/08/2021 20:46

@Edmontine

Huge amounts of love and affection growing up - but the specific phrase “I love you” would have seemed ... a bit weird. Too literal and obvious in normal day to day life. (Love-affirming phrases did occur in letters to me.)

Tbh I recall “I love you” being something that needy American parents said in 70’s US TV shows. Later copied by English soaps. I don’t much like it.

Yep to the obviousness, in my family it would have generally come across something like you'd randomly said "the earth goes round the sun" for no reason, but with an enormous side helping of awkwardness 😂
Intherightplace · 04/08/2021 20:46

I grew up in a loving home where we knew we were loved and supported, but it was very much actions speak louder than words. My mum has never said I love you, not once. And my Dad only once, when I was very distressed with boyfriend problems.

They are absolutely always there for me though and always have been.

MIL used to say it to DH all the time, but her actions suggested otherwise.

pootleforPM · 04/08/2021 20:46

Nope. Never told I was loved, and very little affection, can't ever remember being cuddled, or tucked in at night, or read to or made to feel precious or special in any way. Now DM is getting older though she says it frequently and wants to do long meaningful hugs when I see her, I find it very uncomfortable.

SilverOtter · 04/08/2021 20:48

My dad has never said it, and I actually don't believe he is capable of loving another person.

My mum didn't when I was a child, but we're much more affectionate now I'm an adult and we do say it to each other now.

thefirstmrsrochester · 04/08/2021 20:49

Nope, never once did my parents tell me they loved me, that they were proud of me, or anything positive that I can recall.

Leaving the house for my A level exams, I asked my mum to wish my luck and she said ‘luck has got nothing to do with it’.

Wedding morning, my mum said I had too much make up on (I really didn’t) and that she hoped I’d be holding my flowers over my chest in the church to look decent. My lovely dad hustled her out to her car and told me that I looked a million dollars.

Birth of my children, traumatic birth of first dc, my mum barged in at visiting time shouting that she’d had no sleep due to waiting on updates from us and we’d only called her once and that her nerves were shot. Yes we did call ....to tell you you were a grandma. Clearly not enough whilst my daughter’s heart trace was bottoming out and was being rushed to postnatal icu. Daughter born at midnight, my dad was waiting outside for the florist to open to get me flowers.

My mum is a lovely granny to my children, I don’t know why she was always so uncaring and at times downright nasty to me.

QueenofLouisiana · 04/08/2021 20:49

No, I was born mid-1970s. I am very much loved and was shown that daily. Just never occurred to my mum to say it.
She loves it when my 16 yo DS tells her he loves her.

Frogsonglue · 04/08/2021 20:50

Come to think of it in not sure I ever heard it from my dad - not those words anyway - but he loved us so so much, there was never any doubt about that. He was affectionate and loving in more ways than I can count.

Shellfishblastard · 04/08/2021 20:50

Yes, in my home we told each other we loved each other every day. Multiple times sometimes. I lived with my mum and big sister. I remember grandparents saying it too. My mum recently passed away and as an adult we still told each other we loved each other every time we spoke. We would end every call with “love you, bye” or “I love you very much, will speak to you tomorrow”. Same with my sister.

I am the same with my DH and children now.

Husbands family didn’t seem to say it until he met me and we had kids. Now the kids tell their grandparents on DH’s side they love them and they say it back. Don’t think it came naturally to them initially.

maddiemookins16mum · 04/08/2021 20:51

No, but I never for one moment doubted the love bestowed on me, I felt loved to bits until the day my mum died. Will never know that kind of love again..

ICantFindTheBuffet · 04/08/2021 20:51

90s kid here and no I never grew up hearing this. Still don't. My DD and I never stop telling each other we love each other though Smile

Vallmo47 · 04/08/2021 20:51

80’s child here and no never ever been told by my parents that they love me. I know my mum would have walked through fire for me, she showed love in every other possible way until the day she died… but she never ever said the words. I tell my kids several times a day plus do the other affectionate things as well. You can never have enough. :)

SemiFeralDalek · 04/08/2021 20:54

My dad doesn't (and didn't really ever) say i love you to us. Nor hugging or physical contact particularly. If I end a phone call "bye, love you" he would say something like "very good, see you" and put the phone down.

I have never seen him enjoy being related to someone as my DS though, he's 4, and they are peas in a pod.

DS had taken quite a few off the edges off my Dad, he bellowed "LOVE YOU GRANDAD!" from the end of the road the other day and then waited there shouting "Grandad I can't hear you!" until my Dad shouted it back Grin And they stand there with arms open for huge hugs.

My DM was more demonstrable, we knew we were loved. We say "love you" in every other sentence in out house now Grin

LeroyJenkinssss · 04/08/2021 20:54

80s child and all the time. It wasn’t the norm in my culture (particularly from men) but both my parents constantly told us they loved us, hugged us and showed they cared. My dad did give out hidings and had a fierce temper but I never doubted his love for me.