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Did you grow up in an affectionate home where you said "I love you" often?

166 replies

6demandingchildren · 04/08/2021 20:13

This came up on my Facebook.
For me my dad has never said it to me but his partner has, my mum says it not she is older but never when I was growing up.
My husband parents didn't like children and still don't.
Me and DH always tell our children and grandchildren we love them and let them know how proud they make us.
Was it the norm for 70's children?

OP posts:
Milomonster · 04/08/2021 21:59

No my parents were not. I wish my mother was warm and motherly. Feel like I missed out a lot because of that. I love seeing older daughters and mothers out together as that has been absent for me.
I always tell my ds I love him, cuddle him, encourage him.

NigellaSeed · 04/08/2021 22:02

We said it every night as a goodnight, as kids. Then when DF died the rest of us started saying it all the time. DPs parents (late 50s and 60) don't say it ever to anyone, even when you're leaving for a long journey - even when I say it "byyye, love you, byyyye" they say "bye!". It's weird. I am determined to get them to say it!

Daydrambeliever · 04/08/2021 22:04

My mum did, but usually after she had done something awful or to emotionally manipulate us so it never felt good. My husband's parents never said it but he felt very loved and cherished. The words don't mean anything unless you back it up.

stillcrazyafterall · 04/08/2021 22:06

No, and didn't get hugs once I hit puberty but I never doubted for one second I was loved, actions really do speak louder than words.

trunumber · 04/08/2021 22:20

Yes they said it often, at least once a day. Dad was born in the 1930's too so presumably older than a lot of parents on this thread.

MintyGreenDream · 04/08/2021 22:36

I grew up in the 80s/90s and we never said I love you but I knew that they did iykwim.They put us first and we were loved unconditionally but never said it.
Me,dh and ds say it in passing all the time.
Ds 7 will be in his room.and shout down love you mum randomly and i wouldn't have it any other way.

MintyGreenDream · 04/08/2021 22:37

I've never heard dm or df say it to my ds either

Greenbuttonsbluebuttons · 04/08/2021 22:41

No, I don’t remember one single occasion of being told I was loved by either parent. I didn’t live in a very affectionate home although I know I was loved and felt loved.
People trying to hug me now as an adult is my worst nightmare as it feels so alien to me.

Timeisavirtue · 04/08/2021 22:42

I don’t remember a time when either of my parents said it but I’ve never felt unloved, I always knew my mum loved us, everything she did was for us and she still does now, even more for my dc. We are just not that family. It goes without saying because I know she loves us. We had a good childhood. I say it to my kids and DP but not ridiculous amounts of times. They know, I know so that’s all that matters.

crochetandcoffeebreaks · 04/08/2021 22:48

I grew up in the 90s and never heard 'I love you' in our household. No hugs or any form of affection either, not even on my wedding day. I still find it strange when DH says he loves me, although I say it to my DCs all the time and cover them with hugs and kisses. It really makes me feel sad for my own childhood when I'm sat cuddled up with my kids tbh.

Malibukev · 04/08/2021 22:50

Child of the 80s. No I love yous or kisses in our house that I can remember. Always felt loved though so didn't need them.

I do however shower my DD with love yous and kisses.

RubyFakeLips · 04/08/2021 22:51

Yes, all the time, but my parents, well my mum and my dad’s parents are foreign. This was in 70s/80s. My grandparents were the same with us and my surviving great grandparents similar, not sure if it’s cultural. It’s like everything though, loses impact over time, it was the affection and support that mattered more.

My mum would often become quite emotionally overwhelmed telling her 8 children individually much she loved us.

We were a bilingual household and mum would normally express herself in her mother tongue, it’s a more emotive language, I think. I’m pretty sure only my dad has said it to me in English even though they are both fluent speakers.

nukeitfromorbit · 04/08/2021 22:54

I was a 70s kid and my mum and stepdad told me and my sister they loved us all the time. I'm always telling my daughter I love her to the point she tells me to shut up. You can't tell people too much imo.

5zeds · 04/08/2021 22:56

No. They loved me though.

I say it many times a day to mine.

RowanAlong · 04/08/2021 22:56

No, I have never been told I’m loved by my parents. It was always ‘assumed’. Thought it was very strange and OTT when I first met DHs family who sign off phone calls with ‘love you’. Now I realise that’s actually normal and lovely, and I make sure I tell my own children “I love you” plenty of times a day.

MonkeyPuddle · 04/08/2021 22:57

Fuck, there’s a whole load of women I’d love to give hugs to on this thread.

cariadlet · 04/08/2021 22:57

I was born in '66 so am a 70s kid. I don't remember whether my mum and dad actually told me and dsis that they loved but there were plenty of cuddles and cwtches. They always tucked us in and gave us a goodnight kiss. When we were old enough to put ourselves to bed, we would always kiss them goodnight before going up. I still did that if I stayed with them as an adult. Whether they actually said it or not (we always say it to each other now at the end of a phone call), we certainly knew we were loved.

Btw, I have ASD and I'm pretty sure my Dad did although he was never diagnosed. Neither of us have ever been demonstrative outside the family (I love that covid stopped huggy kissy greetings) but were affectionate within the family.

MauveMavis · 04/08/2021 23:01

Nobody ever said I love you. But there were hugs and I very definitely knew that I was loved and that they were proud of me. This applied to extended family too. Grandfathers probably slightly more affectionate than my Dad!

As a family we joke that my Dad showed affection by washing your car and/or putting fuel in it. Once he died it all came out from his friend's about how much he had banged on about us and our (minor) achievements. Felt a bit sorry for them and it was sad that he never managed to say it to our faces.

I miss him every time I go to the filling station and he would be shocked at how dirty my car is!

MyMabel · 04/08/2021 23:02

Nope, my dad has said it now I’m older and often when apologising about how bitter he’s been over divorce. But I’ve never heard it from my mum at all.

I say it to DD (18m) when she doesn’t something extra cute or wonderful.

Couchbettato · 04/08/2021 23:05

We say it on the phone at the end of a phonecall but we never hug or say it to our faces.

We do all show our love in other ways though.

Panickingpavlova · 04/08/2021 23:06

Affectionate home but rarley said those words.
The actions spoke volumes.

ItzANoFromMe · 04/08/2021 23:08

No. Never.

I tell my children all the time.

TheDogsMother · 04/08/2021 23:09

No I never had 'I love you' from my parents and cuddles were rare.

savagebaggagemaster · 04/08/2021 23:12

Not when we were children, but when I was in my early 20s, my dm told me she'd been sexually abused as a child. She explained she'd been afraid to be too affectionate towards us. Sad
She's been more able to say she loves me as we've grown older.

Worriesome · 04/08/2021 23:13

I grew up in a household where we never said it and I never heard it being said either. Coming to think of it we weren’t touchy feely at all, no hugs etc.

I tell my kids each night I love them but I’m not very physically affectionate, I wish I was tbh. I can be somewhat of a robot but I love them to death.

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