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Original poster

Did you grow up in an affectionate home where you said "I love you" often?

166 replies

6demandingchildren · 04/08/2021 20:13

This came up on my Facebook.
For me my dad has never said it to me but his partner has, my mum says it not she is older but never when I was growing up.
My husband parents didn't like children and still don't.
Me and DH always tell our children and grandchildren we love them and let them know how proud they make us.
Was it the norm for 70's children?

OP posts:
Loudestcat14 · 04/08/2021 20:54

My parents never said it when I was growing up. Nor were they that demonstrative – I can't remember my mum ever hugging me, but she did hold my hand sometimes when we were out. But since I met my DP and we've had our DC and they heard us saying it to each other, they now say it to me and to our DC without prompting. It's lovely!

TheGriffle · 04/08/2021 20:55

My parents are very affectionate and we hug, kiss and say ‘I love you’ even now I’m in my 30’s.

My dad didn’t grow up in a very loving household and wanted the opposite for his family.

Dh’s family are not affectionate at all. They don’t hug or say they love each other. Ever. In the 18 years I’ve know my father in law we’ve hugged a total of 3 times (my wedding day, the first time we saw him after lockdown and when MIL died.) Dh hugged his mum and told her he loved her for the first time in many many years on her death bed. He makes sure he hugs our DD’s and tells them he loves them all the time.

FuckingHateRats · 04/08/2021 20:56

Absolutely not. Very little physical or verbal affection - lots of love though.

My household is very different - always verbalising it and the kids, even as teens, are all over us and each other. My mum finds it very odd/uncomfortable, I think

rhowton · 04/08/2021 20:58

My parents both tell me all the time and I'm in my 30s. They also tell my DDs how much they love them too. My children are probably sick to death of how much I tell them I love them and by how much love I generally show them.

Standrewsschool · 04/08/2021 20:58

My parents never said it, and we weren’t a cuddly, huggy family either.

I’m aware I don’t say it much to my dc either. Youngest dc is more huggy than the elder one, who is more stiff upper lip.

DDIJ · 04/08/2021 21:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WorriedMillie · 04/08/2021 21:01

Little affection from my mum, more from my dad, he loved me to bits
I tell DD I love her every day and we share plenty of hugs

Kona84 · 04/08/2021 21:08

80’s kid- didn’t hear an I love you from my mum until the day I left with my dad after she cheated on him.
Never heard it from my dad but our family are all like that no hugs etc.
My partners mum likes hugs and I have to do my best to avoid them (I’m not very comfortable with hugs)
I am pregnant and determined to be more affectionate with my child. I’m hoping I can be

DowntrainTrain · 04/08/2021 21:10

No, I was never told it - far from it - so I made sure my Ds was told (much too) frequently by both me and Dh!

Ds is almost 36 now… and I still tell him frequently🤣
I also tell Ddog that I love her🤣

Oblomov21 · 04/08/2021 21:11

70's child and felt very very loved. Still tell my mum I do - love her, occasionally.

ElizaDoolots · 04/08/2021 21:12

Today 20:54 SemiFeralDalek

My dad doesn't (and didn't really ever) say i love you to us. Nor hugging or physical contact particularly. If I end a phone call "bye, love you" he would say something like "very good, see you" and put the phone down.

I have never seen him enjoy being related to someone as my DS though, he's 4, and they are peas in a pod.

DS had taken quite a few off the edges off my Dad, he bellowed "LOVE YOU GRANDAD!" from the end of the road the other day and then waited there shouting "Grandad I can't hear you!" until my Dad shouted it back grin And they stand there with arms open for huge hugs.

That’s lovely! 😭 I’m heavily pregnant and very hormonal and that made me well up.

My Dad has always been quite reserved but have found him surprisingly affectionate with my DD (now 2 years old). It’s so heartwarming to see.

PaperMonster · 04/08/2021 21:13

My parents never said it. Me and my daughter say it to each other all the time. Never heard her say it to OH or him to her though!

ElizaDoolots · 04/08/2021 21:14

My Mum has always been very affectionate with DSis and I and tells us she loves us regularly. DF shows it in other ways but rarely says it, but then his parents didn’t either so I think he just finds it awkward. It doesn’t matter, I feel loved by both of them, they just have different ways of showing it.

20viona · 04/08/2021 21:15

No we never really said it growing up but we put it in cards etc. I say it a thousand times a day to my daughter.

nc8765 · 04/08/2021 21:16

Very rarely.

Never heard it as a teen when I really needed it.

Touloser · 04/08/2021 21:17

Yes, we said it and say it often. Every phone call, every time I leave their house, sometimes on texts or WhatsApp just because.

MonkeyPuddle · 04/08/2021 21:17

I’m an 80’s child, my mum was a single mum. I know she loved me, loves me, because she told me and showed me.
I tell my children every day that I love them, because I do and because I want them to know that, to feel secure.
My DS is 4 and I sing a little song at bedtime that we made up about how I love him so. I sing it to baby DD now as well.
Can’t have too much love.

spooney21 · 04/08/2021 21:17

My dh's family would/do say 'Love you' a lot. But the household was very dysfunctional and not always loving. I grew up in a loving household where it wasn't said, but it was shown. With my dc I tell them several times a day and we're a very tactile family.

Mintjulia · 04/08/2021 21:18

No. I didn't hear those words until from a boyfriend, when I was in my 20s. I never saw my parents touch each other either. They had six children so clearly they had, but by the time I was old enough to notice, they disliked each other and only stayed together through a sense of duty (on my dm's part). Or perhaps a lack of alternatives. I think she felt a profound sense of relief when df died.

I have never married. I've never risked my life being that grim.

I tell my DS I love him most days.

CoffeeRunner · 04/08/2021 21:18

No.

Nojusttheone · 04/08/2021 21:20

No, they've never told me they love me. They don't do hugs either.

I thought I would have to try very hard to be different with my kids but it turns out I can't get enough cuddles.

Original poster
6demandingchildren · 04/08/2021 21:21

My parents split up and divorced when I was quite young around 7 years old, it was a bitter split and my mum took an overdose and she was quite mean to me, she grew up in a children's home as her own mother died when she was 6 and her dad couldn't look after her and her siblings, I now realise my mum is on the autistic spectrum so I understand her more.
My dad came from as strict family but my nan was very loving towards all her grandchildren, my dad has always spoilt me and still does to this day we holiday through the whole of August together every year and he has bought us a holiday caravan so we spend quality time together, I hate saying I like something, for instance if I say I like a type of wine he will find it and but a few creates! I'm the only child. But the question on Facebook really got me thinking but everyone's replies have made me feel like this is not that odd.

OP posts:
BakewellGin1 · 04/08/2021 21:28

My parents -
Mum always has said Love You, gave cuddles and so on as we grew up. Her own parents were affectionate but didn't often say it.
Dad always has shown it. Worked away but treat us well and was affectionate when he was home. In fact when he was in the navy I was approx between 4 and 9 when he was deployed and he always wrote to me and brought me little presents home. He has always been determined to be like his own parents who lived for drinking and going out with physical fights at least twice a weekend.

Myself: I tell both DS I love them at least once a day.. Oldest DS always texts me goodnight and I am close with both of the boys. Nothing makes me happier then planning things I know they will love and I want them to have the memories I have.

DH: was brought up in a volatile household, regular domestic bust ups, seperations and in a lot of ways neglect and abuse.
He loves our boys and is good with them but he doesn't say I love you, isnt overly affectionate etc but they know he loves them.

As an outsider looking in him and my own dad are similar.
Don't show emotion, lack in empathy and 'don't do' affection. Both have learned to protect themselves and DH learned from an early age that showing emotion didn't stop the beatings, fall outs or neglect

Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 21:30

Born late 70’s, never said to me or hugs etc. I remember my first time going away alone camping with Brownies. When all the parents came to pick them up, they all came running and hugging the kids, my mum came over..and off we went, nothing…I vividly remember feeling very hurt and it seeming very strange compared to other mums. She says it now we’re older, sometimes at the end of a phone conversation or when we hug goodbye (I live in another country)
Never heard it off my dad

Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 21:31

Both Dp and I very affectionate with Dd, we can’t help it, it just spills out