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Original poster

Did you grow up in an affectionate home where you said "I love you" often?

166 replies

6demandingchildren · 04/08/2021 20:13

This came up on my Facebook.
For me my dad has never said it to me but his partner has, my mum says it not she is older but never when I was growing up.
My husband parents didn't like children and still don't.
Me and DH always tell our children and grandchildren we love them and let them know how proud they make us.
Was it the norm for 70's children?

OP posts:
Fauvist · 04/08/2021 23:13

I can't remember either of my parents telling me they loved me ever. My dad has never said it. But my mother now has dementia and is very close to death. She sometimes now says it to me when she realises I am there. I am quite surprised to be honest. I always assumed she didn't like me much.

I tell DD I love her about ten times a day and she tells me.

PieceOfString · 04/08/2021 23:16

Rarely said. You knew you were loved because you were cared for and I did get hugs. But being verbally demonstrative wasn't a thing in our house and I think less common generally. It didn't bother me as I don't remember doubting I was loved. My kids have the exact opposite situation. Grin

PieceOfString · 04/08/2021 23:17

As in I am very verbally demonstrative... Not that they doubt they're loved. 😆

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 04/08/2021 23:24

We did get told "I love you" but the problem in our house was it was withheld when we were 'naughty'. I'm one of 4 and if one of us had pissed mum off it would be at bedtime:
"love you Stephen"
"Love you Alice"
"Love you Luke"
"Goodnight Frangi"

It used to really upset me

ilovebagpuss · 04/08/2021 23:31

I don’t think my parents ever said it but I could write a book about the ways they showed it. My DM once said she thought it was lovely how much we naturally said love you to our DD’s.
My parents were older parents and I know it wasn’t said in their childhood.
I didn’t miss it said verbally because I knew it anyway.

Snugglybuggly · 04/08/2021 23:45

Mine never said it

Listener2021 · 04/08/2021 23:53

No. Nothing like.

VikingLady · 04/08/2021 23:58

Never. Not once. If they'd said it I'd have assumed they'd just been diagnosed with something terminal (not joking or exaggerating). Enough that when I went on holiday with a friend at 16 and she phoned home each night and ended every call with "love you" I genuinely worried there was something wrong.

I tell my kids daily.

NewlyGranny · 05/08/2021 00:00

Yes, and in the 50s and 60s, too! And I said and say it to my own children (now adults).

When they were little, I did a Q&A routine that went,

Q: What do you need to do for Mummy & Daddy to keep on loving you?
A: Nothing, just keep breathing!

I wanted them to know our love was unconditional and they didn't need to be good or clean or smart or successful or popular or anything except there. That our love was given, not earned.

And I still say "Apple of my eye: core of my heart," to them.

ClemDanFango · 05/08/2021 00:02

80’s baby 90’s child. I don’t remember ever being told I wAs loved by my parents. They never say it now so doubt they did then.

noblegreenk · 05/08/2021 00:06

My Mum was very affectionate and told me she loved me all the time, even when I became an adult. The last thing she said to was that she loved me. My Dad on the other hand only ever really says it when drunk, even when I was a child. And even now I'll end telephone conversations with "love you lots, speak soon!" and he just hangs up. It's just his way, I know he loves me. All of his family are like that and my Mum's family are very loving.

butterfly990 · 05/08/2021 00:18

My parents never used to say it (1970's) I knew they did, but then my brother died 1989 (suicide). They then started to give hugs, none previously.

I made a conscience effort to tell my kids daily that I love them. I also tell them that I still love them when I am angry with them. It's not something that you can switch on and off

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/08/2021 00:50

Never.

Always felt my childhood home was just a disparate bunch of individuals who would never have chosen to spend time together had they not been related. Still feel that way about them now and don't miss them one iota.

To be honest, had my mother ever uttered that phrase I'd have assumed she was being facetious or ironic, because she never bothered her arse to actually do anything that loving parents usually do for their children.

nancy75 · 05/08/2021 01:02

Don’t remember either of my parents saying it, or any other signs of affection really. My brother & I were the kids that had everything when it came to stuff, but my parents only really have affection for one of us (and it’s not me!)
My Nan used to cuddle me & be affectionate.
I tell DD I love her everyday & have always been cuddly with her (she’s 16 now but still likes a cuddle)

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 05/08/2021 01:17

No I didn’t which is probably why I tell my children how much I love them all the time.

NiceGerbil · 05/08/2021 01:18

Me too biscuit Smile

ShippingNews · 05/08/2021 01:26

My parents never said those words, or anything else of that nature. I've said it to my children every day of their lives , and now their children. You can never say it too often .

Holothane · 05/08/2021 01:28

No not really I wasn’t wanted sent to live to an aunts house.

sanityisamyth · 05/08/2021 02:04

I can't remember either parent saying it to me. I can't remember having a hug from either of them either. They split up when I was 10 but I had a horrific childhood before and after that.

Thursa · 05/08/2021 02:49

It was never said in our house. There were no signs of love or affection at all. I’m pretty sure my mum would have fathered not had any children.

When I was first pregnant I worried I wouldn’t be able to love my children. Turns out it’s pretty easy to give your children the love, affection, and attention they need. Maybe we just weren’t worth it when we were kids.

Strokethefurrywall · 05/08/2021 04:23

This thread upsets me so much. I was one of the lucky, lucky ones.
My parents showered us with love, verbally, physically and emotionally.
They’ve told and shown my siblings and I they love and cherish us every day of our lives.
I’ve lived 5000 miles away for nearly 13 years and every day my mum WhatsApps to tell me the goings on and always ends with a “night night, love you”.
My dad will always tell us, always hug us. When I’m back in the UK, he hugs me so tight I don’t think he ever wants to let go.
When my brother died the loss was immeasurable and my parents have never gotten over it. But they talk about him and how much they loved him all the time, we all do.

I tell my children countless times a day. I hold them and hug them countless times a day. I want them to grow up remembering the security and adoration so that one day, they’ll be 41 and be saying the same words with all their heart to their families.

Knowing there are those that never felt loved and cherished as children makes me want to weep. You all deserve to be told how worthy of love you are.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 05/08/2021 04:32

I was born in the early 80s. I know my mam and step-dad loved us but they never actually said it and we weren't a cuddly family.

My dad used to get drunk and tell us about how much he "fucking loves his 2 fucking lovely daughters" and then gave us hugs that felt like being squeezed in a vice.

We're all adults now (me and 3 siblings) and none of us are cuddly. For me, any type of physical contact with someone other than dh and my dc feels very uncomfortable. It doesn't bother me though.

Dh and I are very cuddly and often tell each other we love each other and we're the same with our dc too.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/08/2021 04:58

Knowing there are those that never felt loved and cherished as children makes me want to weep. You all deserve to be told how worthy of love you are

Don't know if it's of any solace to you, but not all of us who grew up in a household with no physical affection or open declarations of love would actually want it any differently.

The thought of being smothered by my parents gives me the creeps, as I was every bit as ambivalent towards them as I felt they were about me. I was happy enough doing my own thing and never felt any need for validation from them, and I certainly don't feel like I've missed out just because we weren't a cuddly/huggy family.

Some people just don't need that sort of thing in order to thrive. I suppose it was much the same for my parents in their childhood homes, and they managed to get to old age just fine. I'm perfectly happy in middle-age, in a relationship where neither of us feels the need to constantly declare our love for each other either.

Just because some, or most families might be one way doesn't mean it's the only way or that families who don't act like that must be deficient. I certainly never felt unloved or anything just because my parents never verbalised it or hugged me constantly. In fact, I loathed physical contact as a kid and used to tell adults who tried it to bugger off in no uncertain terms [grim]

daisydaisy7 · 05/08/2021 04:58

Everyday my mum would say it.
I grew up in a very affectionate household and even now we don't hang up the phone with out saying it.
I ensure I always tell my DC I love them when putting them to bed, dropping them off at school/grandparents.
Equally my DH had a lovely childhood but he said they never said it.

Wincarnis · 05/08/2021 05:31

No. Heard my Mum say ILY to golden child brother once or twice, but never to me.

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