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Original poster

Becoming a monk or nun in a silent order

114 replies

Serenissima21 · 31/07/2021 18:54

Today I visited a monastery. Each monk has his own cell which is a bedroom, tiny study, chapel and vegetable garden. It is a silent order. The monks spend most of their time in their cells but eat and worship together- in silence.

I've always thought it sounded appealing but today I'm not so sure. Im not sure what the upsides are - I guess lockdown was easy? They have no tv or internet obviously and we didn't meet any as they don't come out when there are visitors.

My friend's sister became a nun in a stricter, closed order. She's not allowed out unless she leaves completely but she says she's never been happier.

I don't know what the point of this post is but just wondered if anyone here has ever contemplated (or experienced) a monastic life.

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 31/07/2021 20:09

My kids talk nineteen to the dozen, this sounds like a great idea. How do I apply?

3ormorecharacters · 31/07/2021 20:13

I wanted to be a nun for a while when I was little, until I realised it meant not marrying and having children. My dad used to go on retreats at a nearby convent and I visited sometimes. It was a beautiful place - lovely gardens, duck pond, ponies, really peaceful and serene. The nuns were lovely (not a silent order) and usually gave me a biscuit. I realise now that not all nuns and convents are so nice though.

LarryVeest · 31/07/2021 20:33

Haha! I was fantasising about this today. What a coincidence.

Interested in this thread?

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Philosophy & religion
Namenic · 31/07/2021 20:56

I think I like the simplicity, but would find it hard not having no a family. Would find a silent order v difficult I think though.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/07/2021 21:04

Was it the Carthusian's? I envy people who are called to that life. But i bet it's very hard work in some ways. My closest friend is in a member of a religious other and community life can be very stressful.

thistimelastweek · 31/07/2021 21:04

For whatever reason, this is total retreat from society. Great if that meets a person 's needs but I'd be surprised if those needs come from a healthy place.

TooBigForMyBoots · 31/07/2021 21:09

Dsis is going on a weekend silent retreat. It sounds like bliss.😇 I don't think I could do it forever though!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 31/07/2021 21:12

Rumer Godden's 'In this House of Brede' is a fascinating account of life in a Benedictine convent. It's not a silent order, but it's an interesting perspective.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/07/2021 21:14

@thistimelastweek

For whatever reason, this is total retreat from society. Great if that meets a person 's needs but I'd be surprised if those needs come from a healthy place.
It's not a total retreat. You'll often find that they are very in touch with the world, although they live apart. Watch the recent film about the Cistercian's in Leicestershire. It's called Outside the city.
KittenKong · 31/07/2021 21:14

There’s a convent up the road from us. I do daydream sometimes when my lot get too much.

helpfulperson · 31/07/2021 21:16

That is one of my favourite books. Although quite old it is set at the time of massive changes in orders and really gives a feel for why people are drawn to that life.

Undersnatch · 31/07/2021 21:22

I’ve done a number of silent retreats, including a 3 month one, and honestly they have been some of the most amazing experiences of my life! A chance to slow and understand/ train my mind. Probably most significantly for me, a time where it was about me, I had no role to please or sort things for other people - my work on my relationships with people was internal and not about performance or pleasantries. I didn’t have to assess what anyone thought about anything, or take their views into account. That was good for me in listening to myself and being with whatever came up. Of course it wasn’t amazing every moment, there were several lows, but I really look back on it as a blissful experience.

ShippingNews · 31/07/2021 21:32

I've always been fascinated by this life. It does appeal, when you are feeling a bit overwhelmed by the business and noise of our lives.

I often watch videos about the orders on You Tube. Here is my favorite, set to some nice relaxing music.

NormanSicily · 31/07/2021 21:37

This thread is bringing back memories of the time I accidentally saw this film documentary at the cinema on my own: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_Great_Silence
I thought I was in a film Clint Eastwood has directed, it took me a while to figure out it was not the right film. It was a bit dull and tedious to be honest.

NautaOcts · 31/07/2021 21:41

I feel like my husband would be made for this
He seems to literally feel no need to chat or converse

Original poster
Serenissima21 · 31/07/2021 21:47

Was it the Carthusian's?
It was Benedictine I think.

Rumer Godden's 'In this House of Brede' is a fascinating account of life in a Benedictine convent.
I'll have to look that one up!

OP posts:
craftyminer · 31/07/2021 21:57

Seems like such a waste of a life to me. To do nothing and go nowhere and help no one and achieve zilch. You'd be so clueless about the works if you never spoke to anyone or watched telly etc

EwwSprouts · 31/07/2021 22:03

Through The Narrow Gate is the autobiography of a nun. I found it a very interesting read.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/07/2021 22:38

@craftyminer

Seems like such a waste of a life to me. To do nothing and go nowhere and help no one and achieve zilch. You'd be so clueless about the works if you never spoke to anyone or watched telly etc
But they don't see it that way. They feel that they are called by God to become a monk. And nothing else compares.
Toddlerteaplease · 31/07/2021 22:40

In 'outside the City' one of the novices talk about how he really wanted to get married and have children. But found that he wanted God and monastic life even more. And that is not a wasted life. (And their beer is really good)

gracelessladyhottramp · 31/07/2021 22:45

Outside the City is a brilliant documentary film about a Cistercian community of monks.

memberofthewedding · 01/08/2021 01:06

I live alone and enjoy my own company. I would never want to be a nun but can see how such a life would appeal to people who are deeply introspective and contemplative. I dont see it as any more a waste than people who live their life on social media.

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 01:09

I seriously considered entering the Poor Clares in my early 20s and spent a month living with them obeying the rule for postulants as a test.

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 01:13

And what struck me is that it’s no life for an introvert. Despite the silence, you are committing to spending your life with the same small number of other women, eating three meals a day with them, spending recreation every day with them, working alongside them. You literally can’t get away from them. Other than visits from loved ones a few times a year, and people who drop by the parkour at set times to ask for prayers, these are the only people you will ever see again. I think you’d need excellent people and community living skills.