Becoming a monk or nun in a silent order

[Serenissima21]

Today I visited a monastery. Each monk has his own cell which is a bedroom, tiny study, chapel and vegetable garden. It is a silent order. The monks spend most of their time in their cells but eat and worship together- in silence.

I've always thought it sounded appealing but today I'm not so sure. Im not sure what the upsides are - I guess lockdown was easy? They have no tv or internet obviously and we didn't meet any as they don't come out when there are visitors.

My friend's sister became a nun in a stricter, closed order. She's not allowed out unless she leaves completely but she says she's never been happier.

I don't know what the point of this post is but just wondered if anyone here has ever contemplated (or experienced) a monastic life.

Jeez it would be absolute torture for me. The voices in my head would become overwhelming with nothing to drown them out. I’d probably start listening to them.

Parlour, not parkour! The Poor Clares do not leap about through urban spaces!

Well I couldn't do it but I admire those who do. It's not a waste of a life. They pray for so many people who otherwise would have no one to pray for them.

There are lots of people who would think the lives we all lead are wasted. We all find meaning and enjoyment in life in our own way. It would not do to all be the same.

I love that rumer godden book. Surprisingly dramatic. She's a great writer and an interesting subject.

All my adult life I have thought about this calling. I’m not a Christian and hate-the idea of getting up to go to church on Sunday. Know In This House of Brede backwards. What I say is this, I really really believe some are called to this life and it definitely isn’t a waste. Maybe I should have done it but dang, I needed to be an artist.

@Skinidin nuns get to be artists too right? But know you don't get to do what you like if you're a nun.

Parlour, not parkour! The Poor Clares do not leap about through urban spaces!

This did make me think though - it's such a sedentary life. I wonder if it is healthy.

@Serenissima21

Parlour, not parkour! The Poor Clares do not leap about through urban spaces! This did make me think though - it's such a sedentary life. I wonder if it is healthy.

It depends to an extent how each convent makes a living, but not necessarily. Some grow all their own food, for instance, some run sizeable farms, or run retreat houses or bakeries.

@AnotherMarvellousThing if you don’t mind me asking, what made you what to be a nun and what decided you against it?

I have always been fascinated by the cloistered life and seriously wanted to do it when I was in my early teens.

I think if I didn’t have DH I would look into becoming a nun.

Not at all, @RickOShay. From a devout background, and educated at convents, so it wasn’t a wildly unusual decision anyway, though all the nuns I knew beforehand were in non-enclosed teaching and nursing orders — had always found silence and the idea of an all or nothing way of life appealing, and the convent was close to my university campus. I knew someone a year or two older than me who’d entered after her degree.

What stopped me was a just a general recognition that this wasn’t for me.I still like silence and retreat and for years used to spend a month at a Buddhist retreat centre in silence.

Thank you @AnotherMarvellousThing.

Parlour, not parkour! The Poor Clares do not leap about through urban spaces!

That's what they told you @AnotherMarvellousThing, I've seen them leave the convent at night. They're like frickin ninjas.

I would watch the hell out of Revenge of the Killer Ninja Nuns.

@AnotherMarvellousThing

Parlour, not parkour! The Poor Clares do not leap about through urban spaces!

Thank you, feeling a bit ground down today by the whole pandemic, you made me laugh. Thank you.

I have stayed in a monastery abroad, which accepts both female and male guests within its guest accommodation. It was an interesting experience, had some lovely walks, heard beautiful singing, but the religious life is not for me. This was not a silent order either.

Their cheese was very nice though!!!

I think it's really unhealthy to cut yourself away and live in a place where talking - basic communication with another person - isn't allowed. And no TV or internet, so no connection with the outside world, though I suppose letters are allowed. But what on earth would you have to write about?

I can see the value in it for a short time but to make it your life seems very unhealthy.

Just thinking about occasions where you'd really need to talk. For instance if someone in your family died, isn't it normal to want to talk about them and relay stories (good and bad) about them? To deny someone that is appalling. And I daresay there'll be someone in charge you could talk to in those circumstances, but you might prefer to talk to someone else, or even to everyone at once. Let's say you cooked something that everyone loved - how would you even say, "Oh my mum showed me how to cook that. It's one of my earliest memories..." etc? I think it could really do a lot of damage having to repress everything.

@HollowTalk

I think it's really unhealthy to cut yourself away and live in a place where talking - basic communication with another person - isn't allowed. And no TV or internet, so no connection with the outside world, though I suppose letters are allowed. But what on earth would you have to write about?

I can see the value in it for a short time but to make it your life seems very unhealthy.

@HollowTalk, there are recreation periods daily (two hours or so) where you do talk freely in most orders, and obviously you talk where necessary with the other community members you’re working with, whether you’re running a dairy farm or making dinner — plus the Poor Clares (and other contemplative orders) in non-Covid times have set daily ‘parlour’ times where any member of the public can come in and talk to the nun on duty. Certainly some convents now also have internet as they need it to run their businesses, or they get prayer requests via email or their website. So it’s far from an entirely silent world.

And the Poor Clares I knew best — long after I’d decided it wasn’t for me — was when two of them were being sent to found a new community and I was teaching them French, just because I lived nearby and occasionally dropped in — seemed like very fulfilled people. I think you can usually tell if someone is living a life they’re suited to.

(Unlike the teaching nuns who educated me, some of whom often seemed unhappy or thwarted, not surprisingly as it was often seen as a safe ‘career’ for women who weren’t likely/didn’t want to marry and didn’t want to emigrate.)

@AnotherMarvellousThing

And what struck me is that it’s no life for an introvert. Despite the silence, you are committing to spending your life with the same small number of other women, eating three meals a day with them, spending recreation every day with them, working alongside them. You literally can’t get away from them. Other than visits from loved ones a few times a year, and people who drop by the parkour at set times to ask for prayers, these are the only people you will ever see again. I think you’d need excellent people and community living skills.

Spot on.

there are recreation periods daily (two hours or so) where you do talk freely in most orders, and obviously you talk where necessary with the other community members
The place I visited was completely silent but they did have a sister (brother?) monastery that had communal activities when the monks could talk. Some transferred there if they found it too much - or they could transfer to the hermitage part if they craved more silence.

Are they Trappists, @Serenissima21?

I wouldn’t fancy a silent/cloistered order but I did think about joining religious orders when I was younger- the sort that work in the community. I think I would have done ok in that sort of life as I love a very structured environment (my Granny suggested I join the army when I was younger, which wasn’t suitable given I’m a very unfit pacifist, but I see where she was coming from!) but I would have really missed the opportunity to become a mother.

My great uncle was a Benedictine monk. While I am and never have been interested in religion, I found him absolutely fascinating, I write to him a lot is a child/teen, particularly during hard times and he was always such a calming positive person.

Are they Trappists,
Benedictine - which I think is similar?