I have really bad anxiety opening people’s messages

[CrazyDogWoman]

It’s actually quite bad. I could be sending a friend a simple message and I feel to anxious to open it, it’s as if I feel like I’m bothering with them and I don’t know how they will interact.

Even when I WhatsApp my boss, I can’t click into WhatsApp to see what he has said. I have my notifications off so I don’t know if he’s seen my message or if he has replied.

Often this will go on for days before I will get the courage to open the message.

Anyone else have this problem?

I used to be like this with work.

But it was because I worked in a confrontational job and I could guarantee that anyone sending me an email was doing so to complain about something or it would require a full day's work.

I do find group chats hard because everyone sends lots of messages at times when I don't want them to. In the evenings, I want to relax after work and be left alone. Not be mithered by absolutely everyone I know all at once!

I have this. Have done for years. It has definitely affected friendships, not the very close ones who know and understand, but others. It upsets me a lot. You're not alone.

I had this for a while! I had CBT for some anxiety/depression and I brought this up as an example. I worked through it with my CBT practitioner and it was actually really helpful. She was really kind and helpful even though I felt ridiculous even bringing it up.

Really interesting. I’m also prone to this. Not so much opening and reading texts from friends, but replying to them. It’s because I start worrying about what to say, whether a reply is really needed (once a few messages have been exchanged are they expecting me to respond or am I being a nuisance?) and when. Eg with an email, is responding immediately a bit too much? I feel a pressure to get the tone right - witty, lighthearted, ask about the other person, etc. Feels so exhausting I tend to put it off, then I start worrying I’ve left it too long, then I really have left it too long. I’ve also lost lovely friends this way.

I know what’s happening, so I’m better with friends these days, but I find I’m terrible with communications from recruitment people. I’m afraid to move to the next stage of anything because I’ll be confronted with making a difficult decision about my job, but i don’t want to say no either. So I often end up doing nothing and worrying about being rude.

I also have the fear on opening re anything that may be hostile. There was a thread on here recently where I (under a different name) felt ganged up on by some posters. Lots of sarcasm and PA replies. Everything I posted as being forensically picked apart. I realised I was feeling anxious when the emails came in about someone replying to me. Sounds very silly and probably is, but I decided after that not to get involved with arguments on here after that.

I get like this, I've managed to improve a bit as I tell myself that the email or message already exists, it's already there and it doesn't make a difference if I've looked at it, if I don't look at it it is still there waiting for me. Ironically I get really annoyed when other people do it to me!

I find if I open and deal with things straight away it mainly is OK, if I leave them even for 24 hours it gets worse and worse and I can't bear having to open them and reply.

so when I do message people, I’m too scared to check in case they’ve ignored me or if they’ve been nasty.

But, what if they are feeling ignored or like they are bothering you when you don't reply to them or open their messages promptly.
This is why is part of the reason it ruins friendships.

@BrilliantBetty

so when I do message people, I’m too scared to check in case they’ve ignored me or if they’ve been nasty.

But, what if they are feeling ignored or like they are bothering you when you don't reply to them or open their messages promptly.
This is why is part of the reason it ruins friendships.

As much as I understand your comment, it's unfair to put the burden of other people's potential feelings on to an already highly anxious person.

Logic doesn't work on anxiety and neither does guilt tripping. It makes it worse.

People who feel like this aren't doing it to be unkind or disrespectful to others. If you don't experience it, it's possible you don't understand how debilitating it can be.