Ex's new partner refuses to meet me - seeing dc

[bellyflops]

My ex and I separated over a year ago. We have 4 dc together aged 15-6. Ex has had a new partner for 6 months + and she regularly spends time with our dc. At her house, out for the day, at ex's home etc.

The dc slept at her house a couple of weeks ago and there's been chat of ex moving in with her.

All absolutely fine with me. Ex and I are civil/friendly, and generally there's no issues. I'm happy he's moving on etc etc

I've asked to meet his new partner several times and keep getting fobbed off. I've asked for her address, simply so I know where the dc are if they stay over. She's reluctant for me to have it apparently.

I'm getting irritated by it frankly and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
Would it bother you if you hadn't met the new gf/ knew where she lived when the dc were staying there?

She's in her 40's and has dc if that makes any difference

Idk what to do. I only want to introduce myself, talk to her about our Ds as he has additional needs and thank her for what she's done do far with the dc - she's bought birthday gifts etc and the dc are warming to her.

I wouldn’t be prepared to have you in my home. That’s another hard no from me.

He had the discussion with her not me

If she said no that was not relaid to me they had the conversation I was not invoked in that part of she said no then my ex talked her round, if she felt I was intrusive that is for her to deal with

I didn't turn up unannounced a time was set so no it wasn’t a natural we bumped into each other meeting it was one when we all knew we were meeting

I also know what hotels ds stays in who they are going with when he goes away I know from past threads this is also considered intrusive likewise I pass on information to his dad

I wouldn't want to meet you either if you were asking for my address.

I split with exH nearly 3 years ago. He's had 3 GFs since who all met the DC. I had absolutely no interest in meeting any of them. Reasons being:

• I had children with exH because I trusted him, and whilst our marriage didn't work out I do actually trust his judgement and that's enough
• there's no reason to meet any of them - it's not my job or place to vet them or judge them
• i didn't want to set a precedent for if I bet met anyone. It would just mean exH sticking his beak in and giving his unwanted opinion
• what is even the point? If I didn't like her, then what? ExH would hardly dump her. If I did like her then I'm no better or worse off than before

Op what do you actually want to meet her for?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop my last post covers why I think

Thing is re the advice on your son, with the greatest of respect it's not your place to teach the potential stepmum strategies. It's your ex's place.

One of the things I have found hardest to adjust to with our divorce is that we have very different parenting styles (and as you probably know it's a PITA when the parenting comes home with the children and it's all "but dad says we can") and I just have to accept he does things different 2 weekends a month, and I've had to learn to get over that. My ex seems to be growing into a raging sexist. He took the kids to crazy golf this week and DD didn't like it, DS did. Ex told DD "it's because you're a girl your brain ain't as sporty" as much as I'd like to text him pulling him up on it, I have to accept i just can't. I'm just half they barely see him. Part and parcel of a split I'm afraid

I agree @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop we do have different parenting styles and for the most part I'll accept that, not a problem.

I felt it would be more beneficial for everyone, particularly our ds, to have different strategies available to him.

There's been incidences where our ds has self harmed, gone to hurt others, trashed rooms, put himself in danger. I know my ex will do what he thinks is best and I trust that. I just felt it would have been beneficial to pass on other strategies so it's another tool in the tool box. I have passed these on to my ex previously but he spent do them. As his mhm these times can be very emotionally and physically draining so as someone who doesn't have that bond, I thought it would be useful information to have.

And I would like to thank her, she seems to have been very welcoming to our dc and she makes an effort with them. But from the thread this pm maybe a thanks isn't needed/warranted/wanted from me and that's ok too.

I came here for opinions/advice/help and feel I've had a spectrum of opinions and took something away from it.

I say thanks to my kids SM sometimes but we're many years down the line. I suppose she might be thinking she's helping for her partner and the kids, not you. There's no need for you to thank her.

My ex of course will be there but I thought it may be useful to pass on some strategies I use for our Ds in those situations as my ex doesn't do the same strategies

It's really not a great idea to direct the girlfriend to use different parenting strategies to her boyfriend, the child's actual father .

When it's for our ds's safety is disagree.

My thoughts were to simply give more strategies to benefit everyone involved and primarily to give options should our Ds or anyone else be in danger.
I'm not trying to undermine my ex - like I said previously I won't ask our eldest for the new partners address.
But, i am going to leave it for now.

When it's for our ds's safety is disagree

Then you should be talking to your ex not his girlfriend.