DS and his holiday and refusing to bail him out

[Namechangedbecauseofthis]

Ds is due to go on holiday in 13 days. He has only just realised in order to travel he needs to purchase a private PCR test.

I say only just realised I’ve been telling him for months to either move the holiday or make sure he has enough money for the test.

Two days ago he could have moved the holiday (TUI) free of charge.

The holiday was cheap, but now not cheap with the added PCRs on top.

Some of his mates are now making noise about losing their money if it can’t be changed, a couple of them are still going to go and take the PCR tests they have the funds.

We are not well off financially at all, however I could bail him out and pay for the PCR tests. Part of me thinks do this, the other part of me thinks. No I told him to bloody sort it and this is a shitty way to learn the hard way but he needs to grow up.

I’m not sure why they have left it so late, I can’t even wrap my head around that. I think lead booker just thought they would lose their deposits. The holiday needs to be paid, however they haven’t paid the final payment.

Can anyone advise? Can TUI move the holiday outside the 14 days? Should I bail him out? If they don’t pay for the holiday will they be liable for the cost still.

If you have to quarantine in Greece it’s all paid for by the government as understand it. I’m not sure what the situation is with flights home though.

OP.

Does it help if you look at it that it's him that's missed out on a holiday not you?

There's no difference to your finances whether or not he goes on holiday, you've still given him the amount either way and you personally have not missed out on the experience.

Hopefully, if he has lost his holiday and spent £x00 on nothing, he has learned a valuable lesson in life and will be more pro-active in future in that these sorts of things need planning, thinking, actions and can't just be left to work themselves out.

He's 19, he got caught up in the excitement of a holiday with his pals, he didn't listen to his mum.

Because I'm a random on the Internet I would say I'd try to help him out however I could.

But if I was you I would be really upset too. You've worked hard to save up the money and he has potentially just wasted it all because he didn't listen and behave sensibly.

I think on balance I'd still try to help him have his holiday if I could, just so the money I had worked for wasn't completely wasted. I would try to pay for the first test as a loan but not the others. He'll just have to wait out his quarantine.

Yeah he doesn’t have a credit card.

How many 18-year-olds have credit cards?! Surely that’s not normal.

It was one of the first things DD did when she turned 18!

@daisypond

His other best option would be to put the test on his credit card and pay it off next month- no interest and he builds up credit, just tell him not to take cc on holiday.

How many 18-year-olds have credit cards?! Surely that’s not normal.

You are allowed a credit card at 18 and I know I had one. They're good for building up your credit rating, managing cashflow, paying work expenses, spreading the cost of bigger purchases, or helping in an emergency, plus lots of other advantages.

Mumsnet is bloody weird about credit cards.

Get him up now and tell him to research the TUI package tests and to sell something from his room to pay for it. I'd leave my involvement there.

Well, I'd secretly read the insurance to see what the situation is if he does get Covid!

My oldest is 17 and I agree with those who are saying teenagers have lost two years of growing up time. Mine was in the cancelled GCSE year and all of the independent stuff she would have been doing after her exams just went out the window. I went to Paris with my friends after my GCSEs. She went to the big Tesco to look at clothes and the stationary aisle with her Mammy. In the car.

It doesn't sound like your dd has a job. This might be a wake up call for him that he needs to think more about money. Or he's never going to have any.

When did he have Covid? I think Greece let you in with proof of having had it within 180 days.

I think loan him the money. No interest or anything else. I know lots of people are saying no because he is 19 but from the grand old age of 60-something, I can tell you 19 is nothing - a baby still. He will learn from this experience. He will learn that he needs to pre-plan these things, and budget etc. He will also learn what it means to have a mum who is there for him. I couldn’t have let my son cancel his much anticipated holiday at 19.

Also - just so you know - your children will always need you to bail them out to greater or lesser degrees. Mine are in their 30s and I still get the odd SOS from them but they also now rely on /help each other and help ME. The balance is shifting if I’m honest and because I’ve taught them that family always helps - they are brilliant support for each other and me and their dad.

I would be worried if he can't afford the test what funds does he have to use during the holidays especially if he has an emergency.

TUI tests are the cheapest around. I do find young people especially young men seem to think they can blag this sort of thing and be let through regardless. NO THEY CANT!

If they cannot afford the TUI tests they really cannot afford to have a lads holiday. Do you know how much spending money they are taking?

He's an adult man. Stop.wiping his arse .

OP, I just want to say that I agree with you. You told him and told him, you can't afford to bail him out, he's cocked up and thrown away his money which you gifted him. But this is lesson that he will learn and his mess to dig out of. You gave him the money for his 18th so it's money gone iyswim. If he decides to mess up and lose out then you know he certainly won't do it again. He could have gambled or drunk the money away but this is a life lesson for him. I do completely understand your frustration though, totally.

@Holly60

I think loan him the money. No interest or anything else. I know lots of people are saying no because he is 19 but from the grand old age of 60-something, I can tell you 19 is nothing - a baby still. He will learn from this experience. He will learn that he needs to pre-plan these things, and budget etc. He will also learn what it means to have a mum who is there for him. I couldn’t have let my son cancel his much anticipated holiday at 19.

Also - just so you know - your children will always need you to bail them out to greater or lesser degrees. Mine are in their 30s and I still get the odd SOS from them but they also now rely on /help each other and help ME. The balance is shifting if I’m honest and because I’ve taught them that family always helps - they are brilliant support for each other and me and their dad.

Did you miss the part about the OP being on a low income and not having money to lend?

What bill should she not pay to facilitate this?

Should she phone her landlord and say 'I can't pay my rent this month, because I paid for my son to go on holiday'?

My son is 19, he’s been to magaluf @ 17 with friends. Booked it himself and sorted everything (albeit pre covid) himself I was not involved. And last year pre covid (jan) when his girlfriend turned 18 they went to New York. Again he booked everything, sorted his visa, transfers etc, I didn’t help and he didn’t ask me. They navigated round ny by themselves for 4 days and had an amazing time. I was really proud of him for just doing it by himself, he’s the eldest of 4 so very grown up.

I think if you bail him out op, he’ll never learn to stand on his own 2 feet. If you do help him I would make sure he knows it’s a loan and needs paid back and you can’t really afford it anyway!!. I hope he makes his holiday and has a fab time.

@Holly60

I think loan him the money. No interest or anything else. I know lots of people are saying no because he is 19 but from the grand old age of 60-something, I can tell you 19 is nothing - a baby still. He will learn from this experience. He will learn that he needs to pre-plan these things, and budget etc. He will also learn what it means to have a mum who is there for him. I couldn’t have let my son cancel his much anticipated holiday at 19.

Also - just so you know - your children will always need you to bail them out to greater or lesser degrees. Mine are in their 30s and I still get the odd SOS from them but they also now rely on /help each other and help ME. The balance is shifting if I’m honest and because I’ve taught them that family always helps - they are brilliant support for each other and me and their dad.

I could have written this, been there-done that and 100% agree.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

If he tests positive when out there, I can’t bail him out to the tune of whatever it costs to feed him and quarantine him in Greece.

No they haven’t paid the remainder it was due yesterday.

Doesn't his insurance cover him for this scenario? Mine does.

Young people have had a tough time of it. Help him out. There are fast tests at Heathrow airport, result within 3 hours. But pricy.

Depending on where you are and how long ago he had his first jab he could try and get the second, if a green country this removes the need for some testing. You just have to be 2 weeks + for the vaccine in your return to the uk. For second jab at many of the temporary walk ins you need to be 3 weeks since first vaccine.

Dd got her second earlier than 8 weeks in order to be more protected before going to festivals.

What a lot of drama for something that could be thought through and dealt with calmly.

OP - several of the above comments have pointed out that the tests can be bought as a package from the holiday company for £50. You have ignored those comments.

Furthermore, if your son tested positive while in Greece, he would be moved to a hotel paid for by either the Greek government or his insurance company. It wouldn’t cost you anything.

You either don’t want your son to go on this holiday or enjoy creating drama for the sake of it.

What a fuss over nothing.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

If he tests positive when out there, I can’t bail him out to the tune of whatever it costs to feed him and quarantine him in Greece.

No they haven’t paid the remainder it was due yesterday.

Check this, but I’m fairly sure that Tui offer free Covid cover with all their holidays that will cover him for this.

You are allowed a credit card at 18 and I know I had one.

I know all the advantages of credit cards. But how can he get a credit card? He’s just left school and is going to university. You need proof of income or a job, surely. And there’s no indication that he has either at the moment. The trip is paid for through birthday money.

As hard as this may be for you - I think he needs to learn a valuable life lesson with this. My ds is nearly 18 and thinks he knows it all (he is lovely though)!
If he can’t afford the test now and then again when home (do you need one - I’ve not been paying attention because we cancelled our holiday abroad), then how is he going to afford to eat/ drink out there or do any activities with his friends?
All costs, especially the PCR’s, must be factored into the cost of the holiday and he would be pretty daft to risk going abroad in case he does get it out there and has to pay to quarantine.

@Namechangedbecauseofthis

I think the thing that I am most upset about and I am I know being dramatic and taking this personally. So please don’t pile on.

He sees how much I struggle for money and he has let it get to this bloody stage.

I really feel for you both. My family were in exactly the same position growing up, I know exactly where you're coming from. 🙏 I had a Saturday job and paid for a holiday with it. I just about scraped through without mishap with my minimal worldly knowledge as I was them, and that was without the complications of covid. So I don't think you've done a bad job, he's just got some growing up to do. I'm sure he will be really upset and it will feel awful for a while. But it really could be one of those defining experiences that shape him, in time he'll look back on this and find he takes the helm and checks the lie of the land much more closely as taught by this. Awful while you're going through it without a doubt and galling for you to see that wasted but hopefully in the long run, not wasted in a different way. In fact, when things are less raw you could talk together about what has been lost and about how to make sure it isn't altogether wasted by using it to fuel wiser behaviour. Really sorry to hear this is where it's got to.

On the plus side, I think Greece pays for the quarantine hotels if you have to quarantine while out there. It kind of implies they would not be very nice, though - you don’t get to isolate at the hotel you paid for. Not having a credit card and not having thoroughly checked the precise terms of your travel insurance would be a huge problem, though. It is likely travel insurance would refund you some costs if you went on the holiday then tested positive, or had to quarantine because you sat next to someone on the plane who tested positive, but not so easy to get the insurer to immediately pay all your isolation costs in real time for you, I would have thought. Having an emergency fund if travelling atm is pretty important. I feel sorry for carefree, irresponsible 19-year olds - taking such silly risks and learning from your mistakes used to have fewer potential consequences, and carefree, irresponsible behaviour is quite common in boys of that age.